A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,my boyfriend and I had a huge row tuesday and yesterday that started off over something really small.it was saint patricks day on tuesday and I was going to meet my friend in town.later on we my boyfriend texted me saying that he was going for a walk in town, near the park where my friend and I were in at that time.I didnt know that he thought that he was meeting us and so by the time he got to the park we were gone. he went home and later when I got home I rang him. he said he was at his friends house. I started to get a bit annoyed at this stage as he had said on the sunday that we would be going to this friends house on the tuesday for dinner, and when I asked about it my boyfriend started saying I didnt want to meet him while I was with my friend (she is female)I asked him on the phone if he was staying there for the evening as the understanding was that we were meeting up that day. he said he'd get a lift in 45 mins as he could not drive over drinking. 1 hour 20 mins later I rang him back and he said he could not get a lift and said ''i'm drunk now, i dont want to talk'', before hanging up. he didnt sound drunk. I was p***ed off and rang him back saying he could have let me know, as I could have made other plans.anyway long story short he went out to a club that night (he had tuesday off) and never told me until I came around to his flat yesterday. I was ringing hiom and texting him all night but he never answered or replied to the texts once. I ended up sending a number of abusive texts as I was frustrated. I slapped him in the face 3 times when I saw him yesterday as he just started laughing at me. hes now blaming me for all this saying that I was avoiding him on tuesday (not true) and that he doesnt want us to go out again. I admit that I should not have sent him insulting texts nor slapped him but this could have been avoided if he had communicated properly. if he didnt want to meet me on tuesday he could have sent a text saying he was not getting a lift and I could have made other plans. it is not the first time he has wasted my time in this way.what I would like to know is whether this relationship is worth salvaging?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you kc 100. I have never hit someone physically like that before & I was shocked that I did it to be honest. he accused me of being immature (he is 28, I am 20)
there are other factors in this relationship such as my mistrust because helied to me about being separated from his wife for 2 months,I only found out when I saw a load of pictures of them on his laptop. he claimed he was single for 6 months when we met.
I told him that I was meeting my friend in town, that I would have invited him but that I knew he was asleep (he is working nights at work) some 3 hours later he sent me a text saying he was getting ready to go for a walk.
I just feel so drained mentally from it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you kc 100. I have never hit someone physically like that before & I was shocked that I did it to be honest. he accused me of being immature (he is 28, I am 20)
there are other factors in this relationship such as my mistrust because helied to me about being separated from his wife for 2 months,I only found out when I saw a load of pictures of them on his laptop. he claimed he was single for 6 months when we met.
I told him that I was meeting my friend in town, that I would have invited him but that I knew he was asleep (he is working nights at work) some 3 hours later he sent me a text saying he was getting ready to go for a walk.
I just feel so drained mentally from it
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 Well in my opinion then the answer is no, you shouldnt bother trying to save this relationship as clearly you have anger issues and neither of you can communicate properly.
You do not say if you actually love your boyfriend, if there are any other things that are making you unhappy, or how long you have been together. However based on that one story, neither of you are mature enough to be in a relationship.
First of all, slapping someone is not acceptable. This is just as bad as if you had hit him - you wouldnt stand for that so he shouldnt have to put up with it either. If you cannot deal with your anger and emotions then you need to get some help, anger management would be a good idea. I can understand maybe slapping him once out of sheer frustration, but 3 times is a clear sign of a problem.
As for the communication problems - both of you are pretty poor at this. You must have not been clear when you told him you were out for the day with a friend; somehow he thought he was meeting you therefore you miscommunicated to him at some point. And was just being very childish with you by saying he would come to meet you but then not turn up; this is classic male behaviour when they are in a grump about something and so they end up acting like a petulant child.
I suggest you get some help for your anger issues, and then think about having a relationship. There is no point even trying to work things out with him when you can snap at him so easily; you are clearly too volatile at the moment to be with someone in a committed relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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