A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 and he's 30. We've been dating 5 weeks and are exclusive. I posted earlier about him inviting me to LA with him on business trip (in a month). We plan to go sightseeing together for a few days. Our connection is amazing and we talk about anything and everything. Thing is we are not intimate. I asked where he's staying in LA and I've mentioned I need to look into hotels too. So from conversation it's pretty clear that we will be staying and flying in separately. Is that weird? My friends think that's abnormal and I agree but if it works for us I don't see why not. We've never discussed sex and intimacy at all. I understand it's only been a month but so far he comes off as very wholesome and somewhat old fashioned. He doesn't know I'm virgin either. What do you think, is it weird not staying together? What are the negatives? I'm okay with our pace, is it okay to not yet have discussed intimacy? By that time we would be together about 2 months. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 You talk about anything and everything; that's NOT TRUE! You never maturely discuss sex and intimacy at all, or your virginity which are key issues.
From your previous post; I still say it's a business trip first, because now he can't put you on the same flight, in the same room as he. His Company may frown upon him entertaining girlfriends, the extra expenditure on a Companies account. There are missing details here.
Even if you have adjoining rooms, that's not going to stop anything from happening? But from what I gather you are looking for things to happen? You just haven't discussed them yet.
I hope you'll be safe and have a back up plan, tell your friends where you'll be staying. This trip would not appeal to me – it’s definitely weird and abnormal from what you’ve written.
Wholesome old fashion guys wait for the proper time, when you know each other more, and then they ask their girlfriend for a weekend away so he can focus on her… not on some business trip.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 May 2016):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-soon-is-too-soon-to-go-on.html
The whole thing about accompanying him on a business trip for the first travel together is now kind of bothering me. I don’t know what kind of business he’s in but generally the employer is expecting a full day’s work from the employee they’ve paid to get there and stay there. If he’s meeting up with colleagues then there’s even less alone time. If he’d be playing hooky to go sightseeing with you then he’s not really a good guy. If he’s willing to
I think I’d let this trip pass, continue to get to know him, talk about the topic you’ve been avoiding (sex and virginity) and if and when you do travel together, make it purely a leisure trip. A weekend away is a good start, I think. But only after you really know what the deal is with him and with your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 May 2016):
 I get the whole "fantasy" aspect of your "relationship" so far. Everything SHOULD feel amazing, but I think you lack a little common sense and self-preservation here.
I'm not saying he runs a human trafficking ring or is going to rape you in LA... but you REALLLLLLLLY don't know him from Adam and you are putting yourself totally in his hand almost 3,000 miles from home.
And I DO think you ought to talk about exclusivity and "sex-pectations" instead of presuming he is OK with separate rooms etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 May 2016):
“Our connection is amazing and we talk about anything and everything.” vs. “We’ve never discussed sex and intimacy at all.”
You talk about anything but the elephant in the room, is that about right? ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT SEX? your mind must be screaming silently at him. Why not just ask him? You are both adults, going away on a trip together would certainly suggest a certain level of intimacy.
I do think going on a trip would be very enlightening, you’d learn a lot about yourself and about him and how you would function as a longterm couple. I would just have suggested you two wait until you’d been dating at least 6 months.
What do YOU want? What do YOU expect? Make it clear, make it plain.
So, do you really talk about anything and everything? Or are you keeping certain things off the discussion list because you are so uncomfortable you don’t know how to deal with it?
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 I remember replying to your last post where you where worried about him wanting sex and you being a virgin, now it seems to have taken a U turn. Look I think you really need to sit with him and talk to him about this, you are both adults, and if you are in a relationship then you should be able to talk to each other about the intimate side of things. I mean is their any passion between you both? Do you kiss, hug? Flying separately sounds very odd to me, why would you not fly together? Why would you not stay in the same hotel in a twin room or an adjoined room? It does sound a bit strange to me these plans.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): I've read your previous post in which you were worried that he would be expecting to have sex with you on this trip and now you appear to be worrying that he's making it clear that he won't even try.
I think he's being respectful by having you stay separately after all you barely know each other. He may not want to be put in a position where you might try and push him further than he wants to go.
I make it a policy not to discuss my relationship with my friends. Unless it's something very trivial I speak to my partner about it. You should be discussing your fears/plans with you boyfriend so you can both feel comfortable with your trip.
...............................
|
