A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me about 5 months ago. I found out he started dating a girl a week later and they are still together. I stopped all contacts and explained to him my reasons.He has been sending me emails which I do not respond to. I find the emails very annoying, and they mentally disturb me.He came to my place un-announced and honestly I do not trust him anymore, so I feared for my own safety. I really want this guy off my back because I want to focus on my current relationship which I think is the person I will marry and do not want to mess this one up.I told the ex I will not forgive him, that I am not his friend but he continues to do all that he can to get me to respond to his emails. When I didn't he started to get more aggressive (in my face) in very rude, humiliating, manners.Everytime I have to deal with this guy, it brings alot of rage within me becasue I have no tolerance for this kind of behaviour. He was very manipulative when we were together. Serial cheater and liar. I would never trust anything he says ever again. All his empty marriage, kids, house talk went to the garbage.He just keeps trying and trying and I am not responding but I would like him to stop. I've told him I want nothing to do with him, but he just doesn't get it.Is this harassment? I am on the verge of a breakdown because this guy is a psycho! Any advice will do. Thank you in advance.[Edited by moderator to improve clarity]
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): i want to thank everyone for their feedback. i very much appreciate your advice.we work together at the same company, same floor just different part of the building. i avoid him at all cost, but of course we cross each other's paths sometime. i let these incidents go without any complaint (i put myself in such position and will never do it again). however, working at the same place, he's got more access to being around me. the past few times we crossed each other's paths, he has gotten right in my face, like 1 inch from my face, in front of people, for me to acknowledge his existence. i sent him an email from work, warning him to back off and leave me alone or i will report him to HR. i told him not to respond. however he blew up in my face (thru the email) but said he would leave me alone. i dont trust him or his words or actions at all but i hope he will finally let me live my life. i know he got upset seeing me happy with my current bf, and he continues to check up on me, but as long as he stays far away and dont contact me, i will be fine!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Not only call the police, but change your phone number to unlisted; block him from your email; change the locks on your house or apartment.
And, having read what others have said: I second the NO CONTACT action. You have already told him you do not want to see or hear from him ever again, and what does he do? He ignores it.
Yes, carry a can of mace and if he even begins to make a threatening move, then use it! By the way, have you told the man you are now dating about your ex?
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (16 October 2009):
 Ok....
I had the same problem with an ex who went nuts on me.
DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM AT ALL EVEN NOW..IT WILL GIVE HIM A REASON TO INITIATE MORE CONTACT.
If you even tell him again to stop, he will use it as an excuse to keep it up...NO CONTACT AT ALL!
DO NOT MEET HIM IN PUBLIC OR ANYWHERE ELSE! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD...NO CONTACT EVEN TO TELL HIM TO STOP...END ALL CONTACT NOW!
Block all email addresses that he has and social sites, block contact on your phone, and make him insignificant for starters.
That is a first step, however if he shows up unannounced at anywhere you are and tries talking to you then I would seek an Order of Protection...I do not know if they are called the same thing up north than they are down here. But keep any copies of any emails or texts you have from him now. It will make it much easier for any judge to grant you the OoP if you have documented proof.
Yes this is harrasment. Do not give him any fuel by responding to anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Listen, screw all this "talk to him in a public place"- The guy is NO LONGER your BF, so the first response missed this... your NO LONGER in a relationship. The guy has resorted to coming to your place of employment and gotten in your face (could legaly be an assualt right there).
You say your 'on the verge of a breakdown'...
This is a case of domestic abuse... you were in a ralationship and he's harrassing you. Contact a womens shelter and seek assistance in getting a restaining order against this jackass. Change your locks, phone numbers email address (be ready to change email more than once), buy a few cans of pepper spray and a base ball batt.
The idea of a dairy is good to. And if you missed the coverage in the news, if he goes so far as to 'poke' you on FB after the restaining order, he can be arressted...
Teach this A-hole a lesson... and be more careful who you date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Hi
I think that denying him or turning him down will only make him come back harder on your heels. And, have that mature talk soon. Since the two of you are in a relationship and you at least are happy, well, there is no point in having your past come back again and again. Once knew a guy almost similar like this one.
So, call him at a public place (so you will have witnesses around) and tell him very calmly that what he did was something that cannot be undone and with a past like that, there is little hopes of you guys being friends. But tell him that you do forgive him and ask him to move on.
Now, maintain a journal of all those days that he barged in on you and then give his details to the local police station or any woman's group that you can find.
Also, change the locks. He must know that there are consequences to his actions. Perhaps that will calm him down.
So, best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): you need to be blunt with him, tell him only once
I dont want to be your friend, I dont want you in my life, keep away from me or I will get the law involved.
After that do not email him,block his email or delete your own email account and start a new one.
Dont answer the door if he visits, ignore all this contact attempts.
If his contact continues and you are fearing for your safety contact the police.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Try talking to others you trust about the situation (family/friends/neighbors/etc.) but if you have really tried all that you can and this guy still won't get off your back, you should probably stay safe and call the police, explain to them exactly what this guy is doing or trying to do and since it sounds to me like he is very threatening, I am sure the police should do something about that. I don't know if telling this guy you would call the police would scare him away, it could make him more aggressive so I wouldn't say anything, I would just do it. Don't be afraid. You have the power and the will to stop it! Hopefully the police should do something. :)
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