A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is this part of his emotional games? My ex and i have been broke up for 4 mts now. When we were in a retionship our sexlife was non exsistent, we would go months without any intimacy and when we did it was never intimate. We had a good xmas and new yr but he never came near me. In the past we had gone for over a yr when i had our second child and i began to suspect all was not well as i had found a few phone messages offering oral sex in exchange for a lift. He denyed any thing had happened and i built a wall up, we only occastonally slept together. We have since broke up and now we have been apart he suddenly has become interested in me sexually again. I always felt he pursuely with held it as form of punishment as he used to say he didnt like women, so i was never confident in approaching him. It has since came out from people who know we have broke up that he likes the ladys. Is this a game to keep me and thee kids on a string, instead of us both moving on?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Well your sex life wasn't nonexistent seeing as you have 2-3(?) children by him.
It's not a game, he doesn't sound that smart. Really, it's nothing but a case of him constantly wanting to get his wanker wet.
You can choose to end this and move on by not having sex with him, and serving him with child support papers. There's no need to keep on playing the victim here. Take charge for the sake of your children's stability.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): He is not committed to you or his children. He wants to drift around behaving like a single man, but he has you to fall back on when no-one else is around to provide what he needs.
I would tell him to "sling his hook". Better still, you move on with your life and leave him behind. Nothing you do or say will change his behaviour, so you are the one who must make the changes and MEAN IT!
He will always mess you around as long as you let him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (30 March 2012):
 I don't think he is deliberately toying with you, but I do think he's trying to have to best of both worlds and not considering the effect that has on others, namely you.
You represent comfort, security, companionship, 'home'. You also represent expectations and obligations. Spending time with you without being official allows him to have the best of both. Sex is the only tool many men think they have to form connections, which explains why he is a ladies man. If he were simply looking for an orgasm he could stay home and masturbate. He has sex with people because it's a connection with people that he needs. That could be part of what's fueling his amorous desire for you. That and not officially having you makes you more appealing.
In any event, I would suggest you be very frugal with the favours until or unless you're actually getting what YOU want to. If you're going to be a single mother, you might as well have all the advantage of one and that means not accomodating him and his needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Basically, when you were together it didn't work - so that's it. Has anything really changed? In reality, if you were together you would slip back to where you were before. Yes, it's a game, a power game. Don't play it, move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 March 2012):
 I don't think it's a game per say, I think he is incapable of caring for others, even his kids. He does whatever he wants whenever he wants and YOU allow it, because you hope he will change and BE the man you think he can be. Sorry. he never will be.
If he is the father of the children, I suggest you take him to court and get a maintenance agreement set up and that you forget about him being serious with you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Yes it's a game...
This is a man who does not know what he wants.
This is a man who has serious issues that he needs to sort out.
He has three kids with you but he shows no commitment. He withdraws sex when you are together but uses it 'like a carrot on a stick' to draw you back in when you are apart...THAT IS SERIOUSLY SCREWED UP BEHAVIOUR!!!
He obviously has flirtations with other women but he needs to keep you in the background just incase he hits a dry spell or has nowhere else to saty or fancies a bit of no strings sex!!...again SERIOUSLY F***ED UP BEHAVIOUR.
You, my darling, don't know if you are coming or going. You are invested emotionally with this 'man' because you love him and have kids with him...he doesn't feel the same way and seems to want to mess around and play games so that nobody can pin him down.
The only thing he should be doing is making sure he pays enough child maintenance for his kids (If they are his).
Women always assume the guy will suddenly come back and start behaving like a decent person again and I am not saying this won't happen in the future, but he seriously needs to be shown the door. He needs to see that he cannot waltz in and out of your life so it is you who must be strong and turn your back on him.
You cannot control what he does, only what you do. You have three kids who need you and it appears that you might be ready to move on to better things, so block this man out. Make a court arrangement for child maintenence and contact, but do not get drawn in emotionally or physically because he will find it very very easy to 'win' you over so he can continue his stupid games.
Maybe if he is outside in the cold for long enough, he will realise what he has lost, but he won't ever realise that all the time you keep giving him the opportunity to play games.
Be tough, accept that it's over and done with and focus on your own life...who knows, you might meet someone who treats you as you should be treated and then you can forget all about this complete and utter loser!!!
Be Strong!!!! xxxxx
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