A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met an amazing guy last year and we were dating for a month before he went to Fiji for 6 months. This was originally planned before we even met, and I wanted a relationship from him, but he insisted it wasn't a good idea because he was going to the University of Edinburgh to do an intensive two years masters when he returned. What hurted me was, when he got to Fiji, he slept with his ex and never contacted me. So, I decided to see someone until he returned. However, at the end of the first month, he decided to contact me when he realised that he missed me. After that, we spoke every week either via email or phone and when he got back, spontaneously, he asked for a relationship. We were committed for 6 weeks, until he started his masters, whereby the course got too much and he was becoming weak at correspondence. So he had the strength to call it off, when I didn't. A couple of days after he slept with some girl in his course, and so I did the same, but then he started contacted me to see if I was ok. I was upset, because he slept with her and since I was in love with him, we continued seeing each other in a non-commital way, but he never kept me a secret to anyone. I would visit him at his university probably twice in a space of two months but emails and texts in between. And it was only during this strange 'undefined' relationship that he decided to tell me the real reason why he broke up with me. When we were first dating (before he went to Fiji), I made the stupid mistake of telling him that in my lifetime I had slept with 24 men. And he broke it off because, he couldn't accept that. = ( And so, in the beginning of 2007, things started getting intense, he started telling me that he was having intense feelings. And this time round, he is going to Hawaii to do research for 8 months, and I am very upset because, he has not asked me for a committed relationship, but thats understandable because long distance for 8 months is just painful. But, he did tell me at the end of last week, "if I miraculously grow up and get over this idea of you having a past of 24 men, I would seriously consider a relationship with you again".He wants to continue contact and tells me that he will miss me so much in Hawaii, and has even said there is a possibility of me coming to see him in Autumn. What I want to know is, is there evidence of couples getting together after a long struggle of distance and silly problems such as not accepting my girlfriend had been with 24 men in the past?
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male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (31 March 2007):
 First, the communications problem. Two words: Web Cam! Your guy is in a university setting ... he has high speed internet. You can almost certainly get it. Buy a couple of web cameras, get some software (usually free) and you can set up a schedule to talk face to face to one another every night or two at a set time. It's a great way to help build the bond and erase the miles almost like magic. A lady here in the midwestern US I know talks to her daughter and son-in-law in western China twice a week that way.
A young woman (mid 30's) I know here just re-married her husband from Canada (after five years divorced) in spite of the fact that before and since their first marriage she had had more that two HUNDRED lovers. It can work, in spite of distance and earlier history. It takes a lot of good will and a lot of determination on the part of both partners to make the marriage work.
My second wife had a colorful past ... she was one of the characters who gave Chicago's Rush Street area its wild reputation back in the '60's and early '70's. Sometimes early in our relationship, I'll admit, I was a bit troubled knowing that she had had so many men before I met her. (And 24 would have been nothing for her ... a good week at a few big parties, maybe, or a slow month.) But once I got a chance to see that she was 100% devoted to ME and to making our relationship/marriage work, those doubts all went away and we had a wonderful marriage up to the day she died.
All you need is regular communication and a chance to prove to your guy that the past is past and all that matters to you now is HIM.
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