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Is there a way to make up for our different dimensions?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 January 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 14 January 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I had my eye on a guy at work for quite some time. He’s my age, works out a lot - has a great smile and easy way about him that I liked. But most of all, we have great chemistry. In fact there’s always been some sexual tension between us. A colleague suggested I make a move on him, at the Christmas party and, after a few cocktails, I finally found the courage.

We only kissed that night but my legs turned to jelly when we did. About a week later we went on a second date (which again was wonderful) and we ended up back at his place. Again I felt very relaxed and unpressured in his company. We kissed on the sofa, which I found very erotic and he suggested we go to bed. I usually wouldn’t but thought what the hell why now?!, just go for it. Unfortunately, it was all down hill from here. He was tiny, down below. My heart sank, to be honest. It was awkward. I felt flustered, disappointed and just wanted to get things over with (I’d felt very attracted to him.

It was exciting things had finally gotten there and this was an unhappy surprise). To make matters worse, he came whilst I was putting the condom on and whilst a little flattering, I was like, err., ok, he’s done already? He then turned his attention to me, which was ok and when he was ready we tried again. He lasted a little longer this time, but I couldn’t really feel him. Penetration isn’t everything, but I do like it a lot. When I left in the morning he asked when we were going to see each other again (outside of work) and I just said: “I’ll be in touch”. I needed some time to think. He seems so nice but I wonder if I could have a satisfying sex life with him.

View related questions: at work, christmas, condom, move on, sex life

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (14 January 2018):

chigirl agony auntDidn't see your update. Seriously, you want to try a relationship? I would not recommend it. It'd be one thing if you had feelings for him and then discovered his size. By then you'd have worked out whether you were in a relationship or not, you'd be able to communicate better, and you'd have stronger feelings for each other. As things as now, this is just going to be awkward.

How to talk to him about it? You dont! You can't talk to him about this, you can't ever mention his size. He knows it's tiny, there is no need to bring it up. You need to let that issue be an elephant in the room and never talk about it.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (14 January 2018):

chigirl agony auntThis was a booty call to you. Nothing else. If you wanted a serious relationship with him, you wouldn't have started it off by jumping straight to bed. You had a nice flirt and you wanted sex. People, as a rule, do the things they want. Action speaks louder than words. You might tell yourself you want a relationship, but he was never relationship material to you. It was always just about the sex with him, that's what you wanted, and that's what you went for. Nothing wrong with that. Just, be honest with yourself. You wanted sex and if he was good in bed you'd probably have sex with him another time or three, before you'd find some excuse as to why "things couldn't work out" when in all honesty you never wanted a relationship with him to begin with.

Anyway, now you're bummed because he's not working out as a decent lover even, and you never considered him boyfriend material, so you have absolutely no use for him now. You're just wondering how to let him down easy.

Here's what you do. When he texts again, just tell him you had a lovely time, but that you got carried away and shouldn't have slept with him. Tell him you've taught about it, and that you don't want to date someone from work. No hard feelings. Let him know quickly, like ripping off a band aid. It's the best for everyone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2018):

Honey, let it go...

There’s plenty more ‘nice’ guys out there (and most will be packing more than this poor chap).

Life’s too short to waste time navigating through the minefield of premature ejaculation AND what sounds like a case of microdick.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2018):

Thank you for the thoughtful comments and for providing the useful link.

By way of update…

My thoughts about him prior to sleeping together were romanticized, rather than focusing on his physical attributes, which is both normal for me and how I believe it should be. That said I expected more subconsciously I think. To put this properly in context, he’s around 2in erect and because there’s so little of it, it kind of sticks out, rather than up. When flaccid it’s buried and he shaves so this is all extremely visible and not particularly sexy. It’s actually hard to reconcile with his external ‘buffness’. However, I do feel emotionally invested, we’ve had some great dates and he seems very caring. I think I could love him, so want it to work. Penetration doesn’t work – I feel nothing, whatever the position. However, you’re right, there are other ways to get me off and exploring with a new person could be fun. I’m going to give it a go.

The difficulty now is how to approach him. Communication is so important in relationships, as I’ve discovered in the past but how do I approach a topic like this?

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A male reader, Allumeuse United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2018):

It's a bit of a blow when the sex with someone you really like is below par. Having a little one isn't always a disaster because most guys who do tend to compensate by being awesome in other ways. Which is why when you said he concentrated on you and it was'ok' I was a bit dismayed for the guy.

I guess three things might be going on:

He might be inexperienced and will become better ( with training ).

You saw his buff body and we're expecting more down there and you are struggling to reconcile reality with fantasy or

You are one of the small but lucky tranche of women who really get off on penetration and this guy isn't equipped to do what you need.

So now you need to decide how much you like the rest of him. It's a brand new relationship and you aren't in love with him so you could just move on to someone a bit bigger and more self assured in the bedroom department. There's no code of conduct that states that when you discover a small penis that you have to nurture the owner into a sexual ninja. But if you really like him, you probably could end up having a pretty good sex life with him, if you are willing to do a bit of leading. It could even be fun finding out.

That's a choice only you can make. He seems like a nice guy and you seem thoughtful and compassionate as well as knowing what you want in the sack, so statistically you'll probably meet a guy who will tick more of your boxes from the get go but whatever you chose you aren't a bad person for knowing what you want.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't see why you couldn't have a satisfying sex life with him. There are more other ways to satisfy you than penetration. Off course it was probably going to be awkward first time, especially since you slept together so early on. Take it slower and get to know each other more. Also tell him and show him what you like in bed you can add toys or anything to spice things up.

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