A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have an aquaintance, a 51 year old guy, who in my opinion is being made a fool of.3 years ago His wife of 25 years left him for his best friend. He met a woman around his age shortly after. They have been on and off for about 3 years.... it's always her breaking up with him and he keeps taking her back. Up until now, the longest they've stayed together at a given time is about month, she'll break up with him for a month or so and then come back. Well he just recently bought a house and all of a sudden she's back in the picture...this time for longer than usual. He always seemed to try and make the relationship seem "happier" than it really is. He claims the reason she kept breaking up with him was because she was scared of getting close and now she realizes that she loves him. Well I did some snooping and found out more about her than he failed to share with me.She's a 49 year old divorcee with a criminal record(possession of marijuana,check forging) who recently forclosed on her house, has a rack a debt and apparently no place to live, of course until my friend bought his house. He said she drives a bus for a living but how can she do so without a drivers license? Is it me or does this woman sound like trash? Am I jumping to conclusions or does it sound like she's just using him? Why is he allowing this and how can I help him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): Where is it written that friendship allows you to but in to your friends business. It is not you responsibility or even your business what this womens passed was like! You said the your friend "failed to tell you" these things about his woman. So, he must know! If he's okay with it then let it be! You don't know the circumstances of her past problems. I bet anything, she was in a dysfunctional relationship, and get caught up in it all! Over half the women in prison are there due to a man they were involved with! Those are facts! This woman may be a nice lady who got mixed up with the wrong people...I've been there! Maybe she was truly questioning her relationship with your friend because she's afraid to committ to another man.
Whatever the case, it is between the two of them.
Be a true friend, be supportive, and try to be a friend to her too.
A
male
reader, TimLSY +, writes (1 December 2008):
I disagree, except that if you're a real friend tell him what you think and also about the records. It might be that he is just tolerating the behavior as well without putting in too much meaning into it - I mean, seems like he's old enough for that? Maybe he just needs someone around. I mean, not to say anything against either of them, but maybe they just need each other more than wanting to have some romance. If they're willing to settle down with that, so be it. Otherwise if he's really emotionally invested into it, stay there for him whatever he does, but never be judgemental. Voice your opinion, but respect his feelings as well, especially if you ever meet together with the woman being present as well.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (1 December 2008):
 He is a big boy and doesn't need help because he will only resent you in the end and see it as meddling. Stay out of it unless he asks for your opinion.
Does he know about all this criminal activity? If not, print it out I guess and mail it to him anonymously. Or you can ask him if he wants your opinion.
Basically, don't be his mother.
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