A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the past year, I've been writing a series of stories about sex. I can't stop writing these stories--or at least, posting them in as many places as I can--and I don't think they're without merit, either. But they bothers me and I want to be able to stop writing them soon. Basically, they follow a young man, a freshman in college, who is completely sex-crazed, and who gets a lot of sex. He's completely manipulative, testosterone-fueled, impulsive and self destructive, and the point of the stories is to show him getting progressively worse as the year goes onAt the same time, all the sex stuff is very graphically described, in what I think is a sort of perversely sexy way.Essentially, I'm trying to write a series of stories that are simultaneously sexy and disturbing. And character driven.A part of me thinks that there really isn't any harm in these stories and what I'm doing does not signal any deeper issues I need to resolve. I won't deny that some of these scenarios are loosely autobiographical. Or to put it another way: if I hadn't ever had sex, I wouldn't be able to write like this. I've never behaved towards women in the way my protagonist often behaves. But I devote way too much time to these stories. Writing them, correcting them, posting, re- posting. It sounds like a sort of crazy thing to say, but a part of me worries that these stories are the first step towards actual sex addiction. (I don't actually watch a lot of porn these days, but I used to). Similarly, I'm wondering if I'll become like this fictional character I've created. The last time I slept with someone, I made sure it was a one-night stand, I tried to coerce the woman in to making herself a f^^^-buddy, and the sex wasn't even good.She didn't want to take it beyond a one night stand, which itself had been my idea. It felt like something the main character of these stories would attempt. And the day after we had sex, what was I doing? I got right back to the stories.Basically, I'm wondering if it should actually be worrisome if I'm too obsessed with erotica writing (a genre my stories barely fit), or if it's a harmless fixation. And I'm wondering if it's likely to affect me and my future relationships.
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (7 September 2014):
It's called 'Wishful Thinking'. Most people just fantasize, you write it down. Set up a website for your stories and include an email address. You never know what sort of emails you'll receive. What better way for a young man to be approached than by women who are already interested in his personality as revealed through his erotic tales?
I used to write features for various national newspapers; men and women would sometimes contact me with their comments, and on occasion this led to very interesting things indeed with some of my female correspondents.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 September 2014):
 I think writing is an outlet for you. The thing is you want to test your own and (apparently) your characters) boundaries.
There are people out there who write out their fantasies instead of living them out. Because they ARE just fantasies. Like the guy with female dom, or the women with the multiple guys. Fantasies are OK, not all of them have to be LIVED out. Most of them won't live up to the fantasy anyways.
But here is my thoughts, HAVE you considered changing your character, or leave "him" on the backburner a while? And write some erotica how you WANT to be yourself?
Ot try and write short stories that doesn't contain sex? See how well you can write.
You say that you feel like the erotica is twisting you into a guy you don't want to be. The thing is, your writing doesn't HAVE that kind of power. YOU are the one doing the changes.
And like Mark suggested if ALL you do is write smut.. then maybe it's time to find some other interests.
I do think it's partially hormones and partly a vivid imagination. You just have to realize who YOU are and who your character is are two very different things, but a FICTIONAL character can without doubt have experiences YOU have had or want to have. That doesn't mean.. YOU have to have the experiences you conjure up for your character.
All in all, I don't think writing erotica is going to make you a sex addict or "make" you treat girls bad. YOU are in charge of how you treat others. NOT your imagination. So if you are starting to be an asshat to girls, you might want to take stock and accept that you are NOT Don Juan and that this behavior is NOT OK with you.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (1 September 2014):
 There is money to be made from erotic stories and if it makes you feel better then I don't see the harm. Its an outlet for your desires and fantasies. However if your spending all yoru time writing them then It may be time to engage in other activities that are not in the slightest big sexy: I don't mean knitting, baking fairy cakes and attending church coffee mornings (unless you find those things sexy), I mean just normal things with mates and family so you don't become too engrossed in writing about sex.
As long as the character is not doing anything too shameful or illegal, I don't see too much of a problem. But be aware that its easy to become so engrossed that you can loose a sense of reality. Might be good to make the central character different from you progressively as it allows you to keep it in the third person (as it were).
You will find as you get a bit older your hormones settle down and you have more time constraints with other things to obsess so much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014): No I would say that your over thinking the whole thing, writing erotic fiction is often like fantasising during masturbation or indeed sex.
These acts we like to imagine ourselves doing but know that in the real world just would not happen or would not allow to happen.
Its a great and creative way of releasing any frustrations one might have. I say keep it up, but refrain from involving your to character to much in your own life make him a completely different being! Hope that helps!
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