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Is my ex meant to be back in my life?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 June 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2017)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

How do you know if someone is being brought back into your life for a reason?

My ex and I broke up almost 2 years ago and we had stopped talking for 4 months after we broke up, then out of the blue one day he texted me. And we've been talking every since as just friends nothing sexual because he is engaged.

He always tells me when him and his fiance is having problems. Last month they got into a fight because she found out he was texting me. And he was telling me stuff like she pressured him into getting engaged, he felt like the engagement came to soon because he didn't have time to get over me, and that he couldn't be his self around her or be comfortable around her like he is with me.

He said he felt like he has to be the person she wants him to be. The only thing I told him was he just needed to do what was best for him.

So even after him getting "caught" talking to me he still continues to talk to me.

He also still looks at my facebook, and I dated a guy for about 5 months and we broke up about a month ago and he looks at his Facebook as well.

Today he was texting me and I asked him why does he still want to talk to me when he's happy and engaged. He said he still wanted to be my friend and talk to me when I needed someone to talk to because he has "compassion for me" what does he even mean by that?

Any way I've never been friends with an ex so its new to me. I'm just trying to figure out the situation and why he's acting the way he is.

Does he still have feelings for me but don't want to come out and tell me because he's engaged?

And also why do I feel like I am in some way tied to him?

Even tho I care about him as a friend should I just tell him I no longer want to have any communication with him?

View related questions: broke up, engaged, facebook, fiance, my ex, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (23 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe is wanting to keep you on the side, hoping maybe one day if his MARRIAGE fails he has someone else to come crawling back to. Please have more respect for yourself and stop talking to him. You know YOU are causing problems in his relationship yet you still continue to talk to him. What does that make you as a woman? Don't allow yourself to be the other women.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2017):

Your ex initiated contact after dumping you to confide details or his new arrangement and to soften the details of his rapid engagement so he is using you!

He thinks he is splitting himself between two women and as its talking not text he isnt cheating but he IS keeping you on the backburner!

What makes him think you want to take his calls?

And why didnt you get yourself a new number?

Why cant he let you go?

Send him a curt text or an oblique one not meant for him but with enough info in to get him to back off:

Such as "Oh yes jon! You get a million %! You outshone all my previous contacts!"

Then you say you misdirected the text and it was meant for Jon!

But tell him when he gets curious it was about table tennis, not sex and Jon is going to be your best table tennis partner ever!

That puts the shoe on the other foot!

Then change your number.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (19 June 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThis immature boy needs to grow up and start taking responsibility for his own life. If he didn't want to get engaged so soon, he should have stood his ground and said so. If he doesn't like the way his fiancee makes him feel, he should be discussing it with HER or ending the engagement.

Put yourself in his fiancee's shoes. How would you feel if you knew he was in contact with his ex and discussing details of your relationship with her?

Trust me, if you ever got back with this guy, he would do exactly the same to you because that is the way guys like this operate. They always make themselves out to be the victim and get sympathy from other women as soon as a woman becomes demanding. (I speak from experience.)

Op, you need to take back your dignity and tell this man-child to discuss problems in his relationship with his fiancee.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (18 June 2017):

You're partially responsible for a problem in his relationship. He's engaged and shouldn't be contacting his ex.

He's using you as leverage and a way to make her jealous. Always fearing if she doesn't fall back in-line; he'll come back to you. Not to mean he wants you, he only wants to use you. You broke-up for a reason.

He has the convenience of going back and forth between too women. One he can confide in and will always be on his side; and the other is his acting partner and lover.

You shouldn't be an obstacle in his relationship. If your relationship together didn't workout; you're the last person he should be coming to for relationship-advice. Your opinions will be biased; and what was good for you, isn't necessarily good for her. He has ulterior motives behind all this.

You should also take notice that he claims he was pressured into an engagement. That should be a red-flag. He has free-will to move on and let her go. Did she put a gun to his head?

Coming to you only means one thing. Fatherly Advice hit the nail on the head. You're the woman on the side when he tires of her; he'll scheme his way into your life.

Your instincts are on target. Cut all ties. You do not need the drama of some screwed-up triangle. Let him figure it out for himself.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 June 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntDear Other Woman,

Get used to that title. You are engaging in intimate conversation with an engaged (to be married) man. This path leads to pain for you as well as for others.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2017):

No, he isn't meant to be in your life. He just wants someone to talk to or get in your pants by telling you exactly what you want to hear. He is engaged, leave him alone and move on. Moreover, why would you waste your time on someone who can't be loyal to his own damn fiance.

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