A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months and we're pretty serious...We talk everyday and about everything...He is my first real adult relationship and I've fallen in love with him. The problem is that is older than me (I'm 24), my family has a HUGE problem with the age. I had a slight problem with it at the beginning (I didn't make this obvious to him though) but, decided that he was right at the age cut off for me (He's 31). i goggled him last night and the people finder websites that appeared on google said that he was actually 35. Even his undergraduate graduation year is listed on the alumni website as '95 and not '00 like he told me. I confronted him and he swears that the alumni website made a mistake and that the white pages have his age wrong. I don't know what to believe. If he lied about his age all this time, I don't think we can get through it. It will corrupt our trust and allow me to second guess all that he has told me about his past (people, places, events, etc.) What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I'm late but, Thank you all for your suggestions and comments!! I actually sat him down and approached the subject again, calmly explaining why I felt this way. And this time, his replies were totally different and he immediately showed me his license and even his birth certificate. We're doing great!! He's moving *much* closer to me (he just put a deposit on an apt and will move in by the end of next month) and both of our families have seemed accept our relationship. So, thanks again! :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010): ask to see his passport or driving licence simple as thats. If he has nothing o hide he will show u.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSoon567, I don't think that I have conditions on my love....When I first met him, I had to decide if I could be okay with dating him because he was a lot older than others guys that I had talked to and gone on dates with...But, as we started dating, I found that the age wasn't an issue because I liked him. And we are both extremely family oriented people, so why I don't allow my family to dictate who I date. It is still going to be a problem for him and for me if a riff is created with either of our families because of our relationship. (We have talked about this many times)
My main point and problem is that *IF* he lied about something so simple in the beginning what else has he lied about. At this point, the age isn't a issue because I love him. It would be our trust and communication which he would have broken.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kassi (Nova)  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 There is one solid way to prove his age. Without letting on that you're looking for his birthdate, talk about your license photos sometime. Laugh about how bad yours is, and ask to see his. Unless he's got something to hide, this shouldn't be an issue. If it does become an issue, I would simply say that it's a dealbreaker- you need the peace of mind.
Honestly, I think your parents are overly concerned. I'm 25 and my fiancee is 37, and we're perfect together. If he is the age he says he is, tell him you're sorry, that you were silly, and then thank him HUGE for humoring you. As for your parents, ask why they're so worried. You're an adult, not a kid. They shouldn't be so worried about you being taken advantage of.
...............................
A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (23 April 2010):
The internet is not always right. That I know for sure. He may be telling the truth. If you really want to know, and I don't blame you, tell him to show you his license.
I have to say, I am prone to believe the alumni website though. I am sure the chances of them making an error is very slim, although, it doesn't mean your bf is lying.
Make sure you can verify whether he is telling the truth or not before jumping to any conclusions.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Yep...I agree with Tim. Make him show you his DL.
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (23 April 2010):
 I would trust his driver's license before I would trust the internet. Either his license or a passport, just something official with his birthdate on there is enough.
I would think he'd be willing to show you his license just to put your mind at ease. If he doesn't or gives you a lot of trouble over this age thing, then he may be lying about everything. But this may very easily just be a silly mixup that a driver's license can fix.
...............................
|
