A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused! Please can someone help me to sort out what I am feeling.Basically, my boyfriend attacked me when he had been drinking so I had him arrested and he is now on bail for 3 weeks, he is getting charged with common assault. But I am not sure if I still want to go ahead with the charges, he didn't hit me, just grabbed and shoved me violently. I think it was because he had drank too much as he has never been like this before. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt?I want to take him back after the case has been dealt with as I don't want him to get away with what he has done to me, do you think it would too late?Also we have a baby together and I don't want her to stop contact with him as that would be unfair.What should I do?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 He was probably having a big headache and didn't like to be told to get off the bed. He was not acting normally under those conditions .
When you are sick and some one forced you to do something which you don't like it; if it was you ,how would you respond?
Different people will respond differently . Some may just yell,'F**ked off!Leave me alone.' But there is no doubt there will be aggression , exasperation, frustrations or tensions in the replies.
I don't consider him a violent man because this incident is only one off and does not happen regularly.It was just unfortunate that certain factors combined together to precipitated this incident.
It is easy to judge a man wrongly when you don't really know the facts of the case. It is also easy to apportion blame to others for what they have done .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis was the same night he had been drinking, he was lying in his own sick in our bed, I didn't want to lay in it too, so I tried to get him up to change the sheets...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (24 April 2010):
If he is sick,he should be lying in bed . Why do you want to get him off the bed?
He was sick from drinking too much and got a big hangover.
He did not want to get up and you shouted at him and attempted to get him out of bed and he got mad???
I am only speculating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much to everyone for your adviceHe was violent because I was shouting at him to get him out of the bed as he had been sick in it! I was grabbing her legs to try anf get his attention then it went from there really...
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A
female
reader, UnhappyAlone01  +, writes (24 April 2010):
You pressed charges so did I. NO means NO.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (24 April 2010):
In your post, you only mentioned that you were attacked by your drunk b/f and did not mention how it happened?
It is very important to know the events that lead to his rage.
Everyone has a tolerance level.Just because a man has never exhibited any rage does not mean that he is incapable of it.
If a person is pushed beyond his tolerance level, he will lose control of his emotions and violence may result .
It is important to know where is his tolerance level and never to push it beyond.It is like pushing him over the cliff when he is already standing on the edge of the cliff.
Unkind words, insults, provocations,belittling him can tilt him over the edge.
I believed, most men have some form of restrains on until someone or their loved ones continuously or repeatedly insult or belittle their character or their parents.
Those insults had gone beyond his limits and boundaries and as a result , he snaps and becomes out of control.
It is paramount to notice what caused him to lose control and to avoid those factors that may cause him to go ballistic.
You were lucky to escape with a violent shaking. He could have beaten you to pulps and in some cases even death as they can go berserk.
You can go to the police to tell them that you want to withdraw that charge.They will advise you .
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (24 April 2010):
Dump him and do NOT drop charges. If you do, he'll one day beat the hell out of another woman, and you pressing charges will hopefully set him on a path of recovery.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 April 2010):
Do not take him back. He's been violent once, and it's only a matter of time before he does it again. Don't become one of those statistics.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): well if he didnt hit you then maybee you could let him off the hook but make it very clear to him that he better not do anything to you again and both of you cut back on the alcohol people do crazy shit when theyre drunk... and for the sake of your child forgive and forget
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A
female
reader, Kassi (Nova)  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Dump him. One time is too much.
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