A
female
age
51-59,
*ountrygirlajc
writes:Dear cupid~I am sooooooo confused -I Have 3 kids 15, 12, 4 all from my marriage of 15 years. Had a live in boyfriend for about 4 years. To make a long story short - the boyfriend seems to think my son (15) wants to sleep with me-OMG.He has been telling me stuff over the last couple months- about my son touching himself , having his hands in his waistband etc. However I never see this. there was a blow up here last night and he told my son to back up and give me space etc- suggesting to him that he thinks he wants me sexual-this is all of course in front of my daughter and other son. We were all a little frightened- I felt sooo very guilty and bad for my son. I apologized a million times to my son. this is making me sick~ a couple months ago he accused one of my sons friends of flirting with me. He is a great provider and person - however my kids come first I dont know what to do- Im making my self sick~ I know i should ask him to leave~ not sure if I can handle all the finances by myself tho.thanks
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female
reader, lahainaKat +, writes (12 February 2007):
 That man is sick and he was most definitely abused as a child or was in a sick environment. You can make it on your own... believe me I had walked out of my house with out a dime in my pocket and with God's will, me and my three girls survived. The one thing I regret is that I let an abusive man live with me and my three girls for years. It was the worst thing I could have done to them....I lost alot of time with them.They have forgave me now..... because I am their mom.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): As a male with my own experience of step kids,this goes beyond jealousy.Its psychological.All lads at that age (and beyond)touch themselves without even realising. Its sick stuff,if you dont kick him out you need your head examining.
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A
female
reader, countrygirlajc +, writes (11 February 2007):
countrygirlajc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks~ I was trying to be ok with this but Im not- I feel so sick~ my son does not want to come out of his room if my bf is here~ that is sooooooo not fair to my son. I physically feel ill. He is trying to smooze up to me~ I cant even think out about sex without wanting to puke~ I will be scarred for a while I think.....
I do have a full time job and have child support.
I'm just used to his paycheck too~ I have to buy a car...the car we drive is in his name
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 The thing about boys is they tend to grow up to be men and no man would tolerate being treated so badly by another. In a few years time, your partner and your son will most likely get into a serious physical fight over stuff like this and then things will definitely get scary for the rest of your children. I know its hard for you to think about the future without him right now, especially since he's been the main provider. But you know what you have to do. Your kids come first and thats what's bugging your guy, he's not the top priority in your life. He cant accept that and share the responsiblities with you then he cant be good for them. But before giving up on him completely, give him a last ditch effort to put things straight and try clear things up with him. If in the end he cant accept his own position, then he'll have to leave. I'm sure you'll manage with the finances. UK has a pretty decent welfare system if you have difficulty getting work, but I'm sure you'll manage to grab a job too! Hope things work out
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 February 2007):
 You rightly said your children come first! He is obviously very jealous of the relationship you have with your children, especially your 15 year old son and of course the son will see this and he'll only grow to resent and hate him. Think what it will be like as time goes on... verbal abuse, fights etc.
Your children's wellbeing is so much more important than the material things in life so kick him to the kerb NOW or at least ask him to move out. Tell him he's being absolutely ridiculous in his accusations and if he can't handle that then it's better he leaves now! You WILL manage on your own, you just think you can't.
Put your children FIRST! If you don't love, you will sorely regret this relationship in the months to come. Feel free to email me if you want to talk about this some more okay?
Eve
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (11 February 2007):
 You need to get out of this relationship asap. It certainly sounds as thou your bf is jealous of your son, and whilst that is quite common, the talk about your son wanting you sexually is not. Also the bit about him accusing one of your son's friends of flirting with you is not right. I can understand you feeling sick, I have a son who will be 12 next month and if someone suggested something as vile as that to me i would feel sick myself.
Put your children first and get rid of this man,i can appreciate that he is a great provider, but you need peace of mind, and you wont get that in this awful situation.
As far as the finances go, get advice on where you stand and take it from there. Most important of all good luck.
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