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Is it wrong to sleep with your first cousin ?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 April 2007) 29 Answers - (Newest, 24 August 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *iane cragg writes:

i have left my husband and son and am sleeping with my first cousin,i have my teenage daughter with me and am living just a few yards from my husband and son.my son is very upset and thinks he and his sister will get a lot of bullying form other people.is it right to sleep with my first cousin and will people understand or will they not like it and effect my children

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Is it legal to sleep with your first cousin?

Is it legal to have a relationship with a first cousin?


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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2012):

I too am in love with my cousin. we have done sexual things but never intercourse itself. we have been together for 5 years and in love. However he doesnt see a future and doesnt want to marry and I believe its for the best. it hurts but logically first cousin marriages or relationships will hurt your relationship with your family. However having said that, i dont think it's illegal by law to marry your first cousin. but to leave a family you already have is.... morally wrong.

as for whether people would understand, i have told a few friends of mine and some understood and some didnt. It boils down to the people and how close you are to them. with regards to your children, if their school mates find out, they may be subjected to pretty bad ridicule. as you can see it is already happening on the internet.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (21 January 2012):

eyeswideopen agony auntOkay which one of you blew out the margin? Humm Mitch?

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A female reader, Mom of 2 United States +, writes (21 January 2012):

My husband left me and my 2 children to have a sexual relations with his first cousin. My son who has austism and a girl who was already old enough to know who and what her father was doing. And when he told me his true feeling for her I kicked him out of the house. Which lead me to facing eviction of my home and still that man who saw the birth of his kids cried each time felt that being with his first cousin was more important then showing his children that they dont matter. My son was not sleeping and having night dreams while he was gone but still he chose that. they were not what he wanted in his life. And now that 2yrs has past he wants to see them and I will not allow it cause they have moved on and I dont not wish for what happen to my son to affect his growth and ability to learn. My children's happiness matters most to me they are what I am living for. So if you feel it wont affect your kids your surely mistaken. My daughter has been teased and bullied and my son now is a talking and fully aware that the man he was learning to call daddy has chosen to be with his first cousin.

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A male reader, Dr. Diggler United States +, writes (24 June 2011):

Hmm... I recently connected with a cousin I hadn't seen in 15 years. We hung out for a week and I totally fell in love with her. I'm confident she feels the same. I'm 31 she's 35, and we got along better together than anyone I know. It was hard to keep from advancing but I maintained. I know it's inevitable though. I'm confused about the morality of it. Jerry Lee Lewis married his first cousin, in the bible Lot's daughters seduced him in order to reproduce, and we all know that if you're a Christian, Muslim, or Jew then you believe that we were all created from incest. There's no evidence of birth defects in children of cousins. So where does this morality issue come from? It's a moral delima that we as humans created in the western world, but why?

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A male reader, KATTADAS United Kingdom +, writes (11 April 2011):

To be honest, Sleeping with your cousin is nothing wrong, but in your case, you're destroying your children's life. How would I know? Life teaches you lessons you'll never forget.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010):

It is only ok if you don't have children. They could be born metnally retarded or have a disability. But the fact that you are leaving your FAMILY, for your cousin is just straight up wrong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010):

will i seen alot of people talk about this and it is you sould stop.please becuse thats your cousin find a gf

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

Well i have the same situation as you guys. I REALLY REALLY LOVE MY COUSIN (first). I was 13 when i felt something for him so i decided not to tell him. About 4 years now i confessed to him in his bedroom i asked him in text if it's okay to talk to him and so he didnt reply and all of the sudden he just pop out and then asked me what should we need to talk about and I told him i love him so much and for more info it was b-day that day and so he told me want something from me and asked him what is it and all of the sudden he kissed it felt uncomfortable kissing him but then it feels good and then it almost lead into SEX he let me touch his. And then after I texted what happened and he told me just to pretend the whole thing that didnt happen and that i should get rid or lose my feeling for him he said im still young and i can grow out of it. It really hurts knowing that he doesnt feel the same but want you just to have SEX. But still i cant let go of my feelings for him i still love him no matter what and i dont know what to do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010):

okay, so lemme get this straight...

you left your husband and child to have sex with your cousin. that's sickening.

and now you even tell people about this, wanting approval because you're insecure? that's pathetic.

you're seriously asking people if the kids will get bullied? that's so retarded that it isn't funny anymore. they'll be bloody tortured at school. what's a better target than an incest bastard? be realistic and use some common sense, lady.

what you're doing is wrong. that isn't ralative. that's a fact.

you are either morally bankrupt or mentally ill.

go see a therapist.

the people who say it's 'okay if you're happy' have their heads up their a**es because of ignorance and blundant stupidity and shouldn't be listened to. they obviously don't actally understand what you're doing.

if you think it's okay then you're incredibly confused in what makes us human and not an animal. your cousin obviously has a few bolts loose like you and also needs to see a qwack.

sure, you won't be penalised by the morons who don't understand the basics of common sense, but those who do will not hesitate to show disgust because what you're doing deserves no mercy from becoming a social outcast.

but then again, looking at this, with your IQ and EQ i guess all you'll need will be the comfort of retarded people.

but always remember that you're probably one of the worst in that group.

and you're children will hate you for the rest of their lives.

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A male reader, Dr. Smith American Samoa +, writes (6 April 2010):

WTF is wrong with the world today? Next thing you know people will want to sleep with their kids, parents, brothers, etc. Trully imoral, not to say disgusting.

The simple fact that you left your son and husband shows what kind of charachter you have.

You need to look for help ASAP!

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A female reader, cherrypit  United States +, writes (18 January 2010):

Im sorry to say this but to me that is gross that like me having sex with my aunts son not no but hell no my brothers had a friend where brother and sister were having sex we teased them everyday about their daddy uncle alvin

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010):

I think you should raise your kids and leave the dating for when they grow up and move outta the house..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010):

personally i dont think its wrong to sleep with your cousin even if it is a first whatever makes you happy it dont matter what anybody else thinks it is legal o marry your cousins even first but never worry about what other people think people can always have a judgement and the thing weve got to learn is to accpt that everyones opinion is different and move on but i definately dont think its wrong i think its all about you and what you want . xx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010):

it is legal to sleep, marry and have children with your first cousin, however, your family might not be very supportive, and like one of the other comments say, your children may be born with complications, however i know of 2 boys born to cousins and they are fine, dig out i say, do whatever you want and let everyone else think what they like

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010):

OK. Not to be the buzzkill of this entire page of comments, but a lot of comments are very supportive of her HAVING SEX WITH her cousin. She left her family to sleep with family. its wrong. Its unethical. You need to go get therapy. I know that is rude of me to say and I know you probably have a lot of reasons for choosing to sleep with your cousin but the thing is...he's your cousin. He isn't just a random guy or a really close good FRIEND. he's related. This decision WILL effect your children and the children you and your cousin possibly could bear.

Someone needs to knock some sense into you because you have loved ones to think about. Do you really want to be a role model to your daughter saying "oh by the way when uncle so and so has children you can go sleep with them"? really? is that the message you want to represent?

It sounds like you're having problems with your present marriage so of course you want to run to someone else for that love you might not be getting. DO NOT RUN TO YOUR COUSIN FOR THAT. Run to the neighbor or the old man down the street, the hot dog vender, go to a bar and let a random guy pick you up, WHO CARES...all of those options are better and less consequencing then you fooling around with your cousin. Think of your children and your ex. If you care about them, you will stop sleeping with your cousin.

I don't care what other people have commented here. What she is doing isn't right.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009):

I'm not just saying it's wrong because it's not what everyone else does. I

mean just think about having sex with almost immediate family you can't tell me there isn't anything wrong. With that

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009):

I used to sleep with my first cousin when she stayed over. There isn't anything wrong with it; unless you're having sex. That is illegal (I think) but if you're just sharing a bed, then its perfectly fine.

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A female reader, ilovenicko United States +, writes (18 October 2009):

I honestly dont think its wrong to LIKE or maybe even LOVE your cousin but if you sleep with him/her then i dont really know, but i'm sure its fine.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

I too am sleeping with my first cousin..and I love him very very much. We dont see eachother often as we live in two different states...but this has been going on for years. The part some may find sick and twisted, is that he has a twin brother - who also came on to me...and I gave in to him too. Im not a sick person - and I dont know why I got in so deep - but I was juggling an affair with both, and neither knew of the other...please give me your thoughts on this...thank you...I love the one beyond words...his brother -Im just a bit intimidated by...and I gave in...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007):

Yeah,I am so sorry for you. I just had a child with my cousin and he left me. It sucks because I can't even tell anybody that he is my babbies daddy cuz it's his uncle and I can't do nothing about it in fear of my baby getting rejected. So think of the long run. Because in the end he is just a guy and it is just going to end , but the humiliation will follow you and your family the rest of your life. I know it will follow me and my boy forever.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

Cousincouples.com

they help alot :]

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

Hey Di,

Just found this LOL. Knowing you as I do I know you are happier now than you have ever been. As Ive known you for so many years I know how you reached this point in your life and would say that you have done the right thing. The posters here have offered advice from the heart and the arse and its obvious which are which. I like your ex husband and have no bad words against him, but you guys had to change direction, for the reasons we dont need to discuss here. As for your cousin - nice guy. Lets hope the future is better for you and your ex! Im there for you both. Clive

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007):

unfortunately for you, your cousin will sleep with you and then dump you- this i am telling you from my own experience with a cousin. He was seeing another girl and having his fun there too- the B.....d

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007):

I definately wouldn't ever sleep with any of my family members. Parents sometimes have to sacrifice for their children in order for the children to have it easier and better. I think you should think about that. There are millions of other attractive men in the world that aren't your husband that you could have sex with. Don't limit your options to two people.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007):

Going back into the past it was quite common for first cousins to marry and have children. It is only in more recent times that society has a problem with it.

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A male reader, Belfast United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2007):

Hello,

Personally I respect your wishes in what ever you want to do.

What I would ask you to think about is... Have you thought about the people who your actions are hurting... your daughter?

What your family may think, as incest and a sexual relationship can have psychological effects on family member.

If you are happy then feel free to do what you want as you are the main person in this situation... if you and your cousin plan to have children... think of the consequences that this child may suffer:

-Disability

-Bullying... living in a tough society

Have a think about my comments.

All my happiness and caring thoughts are with you at this time.

M!

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A female reader, diane cragg United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2007):

diane cragg is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you all for your advice to clarify.i walked out on my husband and son leaving with out saying anything at moment i am just sleeping with him.my husband and i were arguing a lot and he would not settle into a propetr job and kept dreaming of the big score.he loves me and my daughter completely and has offered to sleep in seperate rooms and change in any way i want also to let me carry on seeing my cousin.....but i dont know if i love him anymore but know he would do exactly as he said he would because i do know he loves me and my daughter .he has not said a bad thing about me or to me about my affair or my leaving and has sent me love notes every morning.am i just with my cousin because its not my husband and im bored weve been married 21 years now

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A female reader, stina United States +, writes (2 April 2007):

stina agony auntHi there Diane,

As long as the two of you are consenting adults, then there is nothing wrong with your relationship; however, having said that I do not think most people will understand.

People are afraid of what isn't society's norm for the most part. It's a shame that most people shun and/or attack (physically or verbally) others who take a less traveled path, I guess you could say. There is a chance that it will have an impact on you, as well as the rest of your family. If you're willing to face people's nastiness to be with the one who you love (do you love him, or are you just sleeping him?) then go ahead and live a happy life with this person.

Have you ever thought about going to family counseling if this is going to be a long term relationship? It might be worth it - for everyone to be heard and understood with the help of a professional.

(BTW - if you have a baby with this man, there is only about a 7% chance that it will have a disorder (having a baby with someone outside of the family is only 4%). Go ahead and speak with your doctor - s/he will be able to answer any sort of medical questions better than anyone on this website.)

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A female reader, Bailey J United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2007):

Bailey J agony auntI’m sorry my love, no this is not right. They call this incest. If you get caught pregnant this could course your child to be severally retarded or be born with down syndrome.

Its up to you to carry on though as long as you have no children there is no risk to you or your cousin. Just be prepared to be looked at and talked about. Do think about your children though this will give other children advantage to bully them and make their lives unhappy.

Take Care

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