A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has recently come into some money (about 3000 pounds). Previous to this he always struggled, and I bailed him out of many bills that he ended up struggling to pay etc etc. I did this out of kindness and never expected anything back, however i do only earn a small amount a week so it was a big feat for me to pay his bills.Now that he has come into money the first thing he did was buy himself a new computer and a mp3 player ( came to 700 pounds), followed by treating his best mate to a weekend on the town ( again this will have eaten up at least 100). He has ignored my requests that he at least pays the debt he owes on the bills off ( he owes about 500, and said he would take us both on holiday but hasnt bothered booking anything.Is it right for me to feel a little resentfull considering how much I helped him out, that he is ignoring my requests to stop himself getting in debt again, and hasnt really bothered to even offer me some of the money back that i have paid out over the last year or so (Im imagining it adds up to a fair amount of money to two students ( around about 300-400 pound ive paid out on his bills, if not more). This doesnt include meals ive paid for etc. Although I dont particulary want the money back I do feel slightly resentfull that he hasnt offered to pay for a meal or some small gesture.Am I being petty?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks I think I am going to do as hello1 says. I am very very wary of causing arguments, I had a very manipulative and nasty ex and regulary avoid causing any problems as a result but the more ive thought about it the more i realise im being a wally for not showing my annoyance.I never expected it back at the time cos he was struggling and I wasnt but I never actually expressed that to him. and to me it is just common curtosey that even if he didn't offer me the money back he would at least give me the same kind of treatment he is giving himself and his mates who havent provided the same kind of support, financially or anything else.
Thanks guys
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Hello1 has really good advice here!
In your first post, you said that you didn't really expect him to pay you back; maybe he took you at your word?
Anyway, you might make a tally of the money you gave him to pay his bills. Then tell him that you're a bit short on money yourself at the moment and need some help, giving him the list at the same time. Maybe he'll see that you are a bit peeved at him then, without you shouting at him.
But again, Hello1 hit it just right.
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Um, isn't it a bit obvious he's taking you for granted? This guy won't even pay you back the money he owes you.
Why can't you just tell him your pissed off? I would have done it by now if I was you, say something like "I find it strange how I help you with your money problems, yet when you come into money you won't even treat me to a meal"
Yes it may set out to a argument, but you got the upper hand as most people will agree he's in the wrong. If you don't have the guts to approach him then don't, but like if a freind did this too you, never help him with money again cause you know what he would do back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't particularly want to give him the shove. Just wanted to know if there is some way I can tactly make it obvious im peeved but with showing the right reasons. He generally isnt this self centred, but ive always had an issue with being a bit too generous and nice to people and im wondering now whether he is just taking liberties as a result
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Your b/f takes you for granted and do not know the meaning of the word 'Gratitude.'
Your b/f has shown his true colors and what kind of person he is.
Be wiser with your money.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (28 February 2008):
This sounds like a give and take relationship.
You do all the giving and he does all the taking.
Try giving him one last thing - THE PUSH.
In many ways this little windfall has been a good catalyst. You can now see what he really thinks of you and you can now see where you stand.
I would get out but only once I had suggested about paying back some of those hundreds you let him borrow.
At least try to get some of this cash back before you dump him as it would be pretty much impossible afterwards.
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (27 February 2008):
Yeah I be pissed off too! Your b/f sounds like a creep. NEVER trust him with your money and never help him again with money
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2008):
No, you're not being petty. He's now let you know where you are on his list.
1. Himself
2. His best mate
3. Everyone else
This sounds like a debt a bank would have to write off. I wouldn't help him out any more if I were you, but if I wanted to keep him as a boyfriend I would be very sweet while saying 'sorry, I can't afford to help."
Make sure you take care of yourself in this relationship. All the best.
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