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*una~
writes:Is it true that no parents will like their daughter’s boyfriend? My boyfriend’s parents absolutely love me and want us to get married. On the other hand, my parents always try to find things to criticize about and tell me I should wait and see longer. It’s not like they don’t like him, but they always say he is not good at this and he should be like this. I’ve been dating my bf for 2 years. In the western culture, it’s a long enough time that the relationship is obviously serious. In my parents’ culture (chinese), maybe they see it differently. They still say to me I shouldn’t put all my eggs into one basket, as my bf might not be the permanent one. My response is: Huh? You kidding me? How long do I have to wait until they know it’s permanent? The problem is my bf and I are thinking about moving in together soon. Living together before you get marry will probably shock my parents big time. I know I shouldn’t let my parents stop what I feel it’s right. But they are my parents after all and I want to maintain a good relationship with them. Can I do anything to help this situation? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2007): oh trust me its normal no matter boy or a girl no one is good enough for their children. but its more in girls than boys.they are only looking out for you untill you prove to them like you say move in together will show them this is real im not a little girl anymore im a women and i want to be with this man for a long time. you will understand when you have children why your paarents act the way they do. no1 is good enough 4 my parents they like some guys that i fancy but who i go out with is a different matter.
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reader, sunrise  +, writes (30 May 2007):
 You seem pretty certain to me, your parents are just looking out for you because they love you.
This is your life and you must do what you feel is right, there is no need to fall out with your parents, you seem to have a very open relationship with them so continue to keep them informed and involved in your future plans, by involved i dont mean making your choices for you but being included in future arrangements.
You and your boyfriend should sit and tel your parents your intention to live with each other and let them know the depth of your relationship, involve them by asking them to help you find suitable accommodation or help you decorate it.
Good luck to you both, i'm sure your parents will relax once they see how determined you both are.
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reader, whiskey_cowgurl +, writes (30 May 2007):
haha.. yah, i think it's just murphy's law or something =P
when my brother, who is 3 years younger than me, tells my parents he has a girlfriend they are thrilled!
but then when i tell my mom i am crushing on/dating someone she becomes all protective, and starts questioning me so intensely(sp?) i feel like plugging my ears and screaming [immature, yes i know =P but i couldn't think of another way of putting it].
I lucked out with my current bf though, because my parents and his parents are friends, so they know for a fact he's a "good kid" (even though he's like 20, and not really a kid, haha =P) and i think they've been planning it for awhile now haha
but yah, thing is... in every girls parents' eyes she's always gonna be there 'little girl' and they're always going to want to protect her. so no matter how many times you say he's a good guy, there never gonna belive you until they truely see it for themselves... and then just maybe they'll beleive it. then again, maybe not... haha, go figure! as long as your happy that's all that matters...
whiskey
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reader, stina  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 Hey there Yuna,
My parents did the same sort of things that your parents are doing. They even suggested I go on a date with an ex of mine while I was engaged to my now-husband! Good god, I felt like shaking my mother. I was so frustrated, annoyed, you name it. I lived with my boyfriend before we were married, too, and it sure annoyed the hell out of my parents and they didn't hold back anything. (I actually think my grandmother was more angry about it - she said she was even ashamed to talk about me with any of her friends because I was living with my boyfriend! I just told her that was too bad and would change the subject.)
But one thing that I kept in mind is that my relationship with my boyfriend made me happy and that's all that really mattered. If they didn't like him, then I didn't really care. He was/is the perfect match for me and if they weren't able to be happy for me, then that was an issue that *they* would have to deal with.
But, here it is over a year after we've been married and we all get along fine. My parents even used the "l" word when speaking about my husband! I think it's just that they had to get used to the fact that this guy was so important to me, that he treated me well, and that this was the real deal.
I think that once your parents know how close you guys are and that this is serious they'll be more willing to lay off him and the snide comments. They may even do a 180 and completely accept him into the family. But for right now, it seems like they're weary of someone potentially hurting their daughter.
Bottom line is - at least in my opinion - that you shouldn't let your parents dictate the way your life is run. Then you're not living it for yourself and that could lead to resentment and worse. Plus, if they really care about you and see that you're happy, they'll want to be happy, too.
Take care.
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reader, DV1 +, writes (29 May 2007):
 Your parents just don't seem to be prepared to let their little girl grow up. Don't worry about it.
DV1
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 May 2007):
 A quick question, how old are you and your boyfriend? The way a parent feels about a boyfriend greatly depends on the age of their daughter as well as the age of the boyfriend.
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reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (29 May 2007):
 My ex`s parents loved me to bits and when it all came to the end i was really gutted that i wouldnt see them again and they were just as gutted. So i think that is a generalisation.
It does depend on your age, coz parents can be protective over their daughters for obvious reasons but if the boy makes you happy and they can see this then it shouldnt be a problem. If he is making the effort with them as well this will go along way, as boys who dont give the effort just seem rude to them so look at that angle possibly.
maybe organise a few dinners or nights out at a resturant and try to create a good atmosphere. If your boyfriend wants things to work as much as you then he should be willing to do things like this as he will slowly become part of your family becuase of your growing relationship.
R
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reader, candy00s +, writes (29 May 2007):
 This i think is because its their daughter, im sure if it was a boy then they would be pleased.
I dont think any bloke will ever be good enough for a parents 'little girl'.
Dont live your life trying to please them.
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