A
female
age
30-35,
*ngel of love
writes:Is what they say about long distance relationships true? That they never last? I ask this because I really like this guy. He's sweet and caring and very romantic. We are good together. The only problem is that he's in the military and stationed off-island. He doesn't want to put me through the whole long distance thing because he thinks it's not fair to me. What he can't understand is that I don't care about all that. I really care about him and I just want to be with him. 5 miles or 5,000. He means a lot to me and distance isn't going to change that. How do I explain that to him? Should I tell him how I feel about the long-distance thing or should I just go along with how he's thinking. I'm scared because I don't want to lose him, but I don't know if it'll work either. Help me Please!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): Dear Poster
You have already received great advice from the "aunts"; all I want to add is that you must really think carefully; relationships can be complicated as is, over long distance it becomes even more difficult and complicated.
You are still young and need to discover and enjoy....Personally I would suggest a good friendship; then there are no boundaries and you are free to explore and discover your youth without feeling guilty.
Best wishes and keep SMILING!
A
female
reader, rainbowcupcakes  +, writes (10 September 2008):
 you need to have a lot of trust, patience and understanding. Maybe love may fade eventually but enjoy it. You will learn a lot!
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A
female
reader, angel of love +, writes (10 September 2008):
angel of love is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all so much! I really appreciate your advice and will take it into concideration when making my desicion. You've all been a huge help...Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 September 2008):
 Long distance relationships can work, but both parties have to be committed to making it work. He's being honest with you, which is a good sign, so if you two stay in contact and can be together in the future, things might work out for you.
Emily has a very good point about the realities of being together vs. an on-line relationship. You could discuss all this with him, but if he really isn't committed to making this work, it's not going to.
Your age is listed as 16-17, which to me is a bit young for a life-long commitment. A lot of things change between 16 and say 26, not physically as much as mentally. You grow up a lot in that time, so he may be concerned that by tying you down to him, he's preventing you from maturing.
I'd talk with him about how much he means to you, and I wouldn't push him into making a commitment that HE doesn't want. He may have plans which might not include you, sorry to be a bit negative about that, but it's possible. So let him know that you care deeply for him and would like to make things work. Listen to what he says, he sounds like a good guy, and go from there. Just don't put your life on hold waiting for him.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, MissMilly  +, writes (10 September 2008):
 Hi There, Well he may feel that its not fair to you as you will never see each other. Mabey he might think if he gives a long distance relationship that you might find someone when he is gone and he will spend his time back alone and upset. Also what could happen to you is that something could happen and he couldn't be there to comfort you.Long distance relationships can work as long as both people in the relationship are willing to make it work because in some cases some people get bored waiting and have an affair. If you really want to make it work just simply say to him "I'm willing to give our relationship a chance and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out but at least we tried to make it work we didn't just give up and i really care about you and i hope you care about me enough to give us a chance." Anyway if he is not commiting to a long distance relationship and he is wanting to work with the militry for a long time he is going to be alone for some time.Goodluck, Miss Milly
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 September 2008):
Well it depends a lot on the circumstances. If it's going to permanently be an online thing, where you will never get together then it really has no future.
However, if you are going to see eachother some times and he will get a posting nearer you in the next year then it could work as there is a possibility of being a real thing in the future.
It's really hard work and painful being apart from the one you love. You could just agree that he will keep in touch as a friend and get back in touch properly once he leaves the forces.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, cloudnine-andbeyond +, writes (10 September 2008):
 if you really love him and want to carry on the relationship i dont see why you cant. thousands of women have husbands in the army and their families survive as do their relationships. i am in an LDR myself... i have always found it hard to trust guys but with him i can even though he is 100 and something miles away. this will be the biggest test on your relationship but if it survives him being away then it can survive almost anything, tell him how you feel and be honest with him.
good luck
xxx
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