A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am getting married in June. Two years ago I found her to be going on dating sites. First she lied about it, and then admitted she did it for a joke. I caught her doing it again and I left that time. We got back after she begged me and promised she wouldnt go on them again, and said she didnt realise what she was doing was wrong. It now seems her dating sites have re-entered her life again. I dont think she is doing it to meet men. I dont know why she has gone back on them as I havent told her what I know yet. Is it the wrong time to be marrying with dating sites in the background? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 March 2013):
 "i don't think she's doing it to meet men"
really then why is she doing it?
How can an adult woman NOT realize that going on dating sites when you are in a committed relationship is wrong?
And how can an adult male accept that line as true?
she lied to you in the past
do you trust her now? I wouldn't.
she said "it was a joke" who was it a joke on? YOU? the guys she doesn't want to meet?
WHY are you ignoring the big huge RED WAVING FLAGS that say "MY GIRLFRIEND IS A LIAR AND A CHEAT"?
I wouldn't even go steady with much less marry someone who can't stay off of dating sites.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 March 2013):
 You can't marry her. Seriously, do people who are about to get married even think of dating sites? No way! I remember three months before I got married, and besides the wedding preparations and of course daily work and stuff, the feelings on my mind were the fact that I was about to have his last name, that we were going to be a family, and I was excited about the life we were going to have. If someone had suggested to me to be on a dating site, I would have laughed in their face.
She's doing it for male attention, and this is not a good sign. This does not get better or "drop off" once you get married. This site is full of people who are distraught at their partners not shedding their issues after tying the knot.
Call off the wedding. Don't worry about your plans or what others may think. This is your entire life, and you can't join it to a disloyal person who is either cheating or about to.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 March 2013):
 Yes,wrong time. Or perhaps wrong bride.
She made you a promise, and she broke it ( for what motivations, I think it is not relevant ).
She does not sound like someone who takes promises seriously .
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (28 March 2013):
 Of course it is the wrong time to be marrying her. By the sound of it she is probably the wrong person to be marrying too.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 March 2013):
 Don't you think it is? I would put the wedding on hold for now.
She promised she wouldn't do it again. She did. She doesn't seem to understand that what she is doing is wrong, or she doesn't care or is so out there that she's clueless.
Why would you want to marry a woman you can't trust?
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A
female
reader, uzer  +, writes (28 March 2013):
Huge issue. Don't marry if there is such a serious issue present. She's possibly doing this for attention, but since you have expressed that you don't like it and she promised not to but continues anyway, I'm not sure she can be trusted for now.
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