A
female
age
41-50,
*isswidget
writes:Is it okay that my 32 year old boyfriend said some thirteen year olds "look good?" We were talking about teenagers for some reason and he said that but didn't go into their body parts or saying anything sexual about them. He babysits his 8 year old niece and when I came over we watched the disney channel together and it turns out there are a lot of scantily clad teens with makeup on and at that age look sexy. I'm wondering if it's okay for men to say teenage girls look good? I'm insecure enough as it is whenever he watches tv or movies and a comment like this makes me even more paranoid.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): Someone please tell me how with out photographic ID you reconise a girl that is 13 when they dress older. Now if it blantent they are 13 then he used the wrong wording. I know serveral girls that are 13/14 yo and sometimes they are cute and other times look dam right attractive and Im 35 and no it ant wront to discribe them as attractive if thats what they are. What is wrong is trying it on. Why cant people speak thier minds with out getting labled
A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 That is very disturbing of a man to say that about teenage girls. Id pull him up about it. Yet, i do agree that he could just mean they look good as in older than their actual age. xxx
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A
female
reader, misswidget +, writes (15 August 2007):
misswidget is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much for the new replies; they've given me more perspective on the situation, I have noticed how sexually provocative younger teens can be and they look more like women, not children. My bf isn't leery or creepy at all and doesn't have a wandering eye; he's actually a very decent guy. He only made this comment once and then laughed after he said it. It is probably more about my insecurities in general about the hyper-sexualization of females and girls in the media which is my issue.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): OMIGOD how narrow are you lot! Some of you seem to have this guy banged up for pedophilia already.
We arent told enough about the nature or context of the comment. Yes, some 13yr olds have started to develop secondary adult female sexual characteristics, and these look attractive ("good") to males.. they are SUPPOSED to its what nature intends... but not until the process is complete.
What WOULD be wrong is if he is repeatedly making such comments about 13yr olds, and never about older women, or if he in any way acted beyond a mere comment (so called "social touching") towards you girls in general. THAT would be an alarm bell.
Right now this guy has simply made a comment, one that is demonstrably true - if he'd said "cute" or "charming" instead of "looks good" would there be this fuss? Its all a question of degree.
I fear your concern has more to do with your own insecurities, maybe you should be talking about that, either with him or with a counsellor?
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (15 August 2007):
Even though it may be disturbing that he said it, acting on it is another thing. There are actually many 13-15 year olds that look like they are 18 and sometimes older. On top of that they tend to dress like hoochies.
Does he have a wandering eye in general? Do you catch him flirting with other women? And if yes to either of these, that is a red flag in general, and then have you noticed this behavior with young girls? If yes, then you should really be worried.
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A
female
reader, misswidget +, writes (15 August 2007):
misswidget is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers, I will have a talk with him asap to clarify the situation...
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (14 August 2007):
 I must admit this does seem odd behaviour to say the least. Im 31 and i would not even contemplate saying that a 12/13 year old looks good, it just would not be right. Like Karlos Omnis says this sounds like a red flag...
k
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): Yes, that is very unusual. My b.f. is 32 as well, and he would never say anyone under 18 is attractive. He says that is disturbing. I don't know why you would even have to question if we think a 32 y/o man finding 13 year olds good looking while watching the Disney channel with an 8 year old is ok...And we're not just talking teenage girls here. We're talking 13 year olds. They were recently 12 yrs. old. Children. If the teenage girls were 18 or 19, yes I can see that a lot of men might say they were attractive. But not 13. This man saying this should raise a red flag. He may want to be with a child sexually, or he may already have. Go look online for the signs of a pedeophile & see if he has any.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (14 August 2007):
 My husband is in his early thirties, and i have got to say i would be very disturbed and very uncomfortable around him if he ever said anything like that to me.
Take care.xx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): No one is going to fault you for what you think, but here you have a case of an opened brain, his mouth,and yes I would be worried about his comments about young children. And i think that he wouldn't be safe to babysit his eight year old niece, and I would inform the mother as to his mental fixation with young children
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): Well, I think it can mean only one thing that he thinks they are sexually attractive, which is creepy to say the least....but whether or not he has any deep seated desire to pursue preteens is not clear....I would make a comment that you think he is sick in the head for saying that, and see his reaction, ask him to clarify what he meant, communication is key here.
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A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (14 August 2007):
 its not really ok if he finds young girls to this extent attractive.
To me this is a red flag for potentially horrendous behaviour later on (i don't need to spell it out)
I think the best bet would be to try and smack it on its head before it gets beyond the point of repair.
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