A
female
age
30-35,
*ove.
writes:Need advice on how to shake this mood off I've had a for a few days now, it's really taking a toll on my relationship. So I got told that my Grandad has only a couple of days left. But my boyfriend birthday is soon and is going out to drink and celebrate it. I can't go as I find it disrespectful to go out whilst someone close to me is dying. But I'm in this awful mood and my boyfriend is kinda feeling the brunt end of it, I don't do it on purpose. Any advice on how to make my mood better, please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Love. +, writes (2 November 2012):
Love. is verified as being by the original poster of the question We talked it through and stuff and decided to go for a meal a day before his birthday, I'll be staying in and he will be going out. He did say he was gutted more than anything that I'm not gonna be there but he totally understands. I just feel crappy. I can always make it up to him after.
Thanks for the advice!
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (1 November 2012):
It’s not disrespectful to go out even with your grandfather dying. Cruel though it sounds life does go on. Whether you go out or not doesn’t mean that you love him any more or less. Having said that it’s quite understandable that you might not feel like going out and celebrating at this sad time, and spending time with your grandfather should be your priority now as you’ll have plenty of opportunities to go out and only one to say your goodbyes. Don’t be harsh on yourself and think that it’s not okay to be in a sombre mood at this time: if you think you’re taking things out on your boyfriend and being unfair to him, why not just tell him that. Explain how you feel and tell him you’re sorry if you take things out on him sometimes. Tell him how he can support you and allow him to do that.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 I know its easy to say that death is inevitable but only someone who is facing the prospect of a loved family member dying will know what it feels like. Don't worry too much about your B/f, as Cerberus says, unless he's the most cold hearted person in the world, he will understand what you're going through. Meet him in the morning, give him his present and then get back home. Obviously you cant go drinking with him and he will understand where you're coming from, unless he's a cold hearted ass, which I'm sure he's not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): You can't do anything to improve your mood if you're losing a loved one OP, just take some time to deal with your family issues you're boyfriend will understand if you need a bit of space and if he doesn't then screw him, family comes first always. You would grow to resent your boyfriend if he was the reason you weren't there for your parents in their time of need. Remember one of them is losing their parent.
OP meet up with your boyfriend on the day of his birthday and give him his present spend a nice few hours together and then go back to your family. he can't expect you to go out drinking and have any fun while this is going on and he and all his friends will understand why that is the case.
You need to stop worrying about him for now, unless he's the most selfish cold-hearted bastard ever then he'll more than understand you need a bit of time.
OP you're quite simply not in the right state of mind to celebrate anything. Plus you really don't want to deal with the death of a relative while very hungover, it's the worst possible scenario and also how would the night go if you were out getting langers with your boyfriend only to get a phone call saying he has died? Not a scenario you want to risk really.
OP your priorities are easy here and I have a feeling your boyfriend won't mind. Plus it'll give him a break from being your emotional punching bag for a while.
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