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Is it me? Or do I need something? Low testosterone? No pheromones? Would supplements help?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Friends, Health, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 September 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 4 September 2011)
A male New Zealand age 51-59, *uman_male writes:

Hi everyone. It's not easy to talk about this but maybe you can help.

I'm in my early forties, and all my life I've had almost no luck with women in terms of romance and sex. I had one girlfriend in school, and I've had a few dates over the years that went nowhere. I feel that women simply don't see me as being sexually attractive. They seem to like me as a person, I have female friends and I get on well with women I meet, ok I'm a bit shy and on the quiet side but not painfully so. I'm friendly and funny.

But they just don't see me in a sexual way. It make me feel like something less than a man, like I'm missing something vital, or that I'm some sort of dud.

I was wondering if it could me something chemical, like could I possibly have low testosterone or not be giving off pheromones? And if so what should I do about it?

Low testosterone would make sense in other ways. I have erectile dysfunction, and although I'm interested in sex I rarely feel physically horny. I also have smooth skin, low body hair and a very mild temperament.

What do you think? Are supplements something I should look into? I know there are testosterone supplements but what about pheromones?

Thanks.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011):

There are lots of woman who wouldn't mind a man with "smooth skin low body hair", and especially "a mild temperament."

To me, it sounds like you've been cultivating your low confidence for a while. Women may be reacting to that, not neccessarily your pheremones.

Is your "ED" something that only comes on when you're around a woman? If it's something that doesn't affect you when you are playing solo, then it's not ED. You're probably physically capable of sustaining an erection, your mind is just not following through with your physical urges when the circumstance presents itself.

My advice is to skip the testosterone and see a counselor or even a dating coach to get you to change the way you see yourself or at least change your approach.

If you really do believe your problem is chemically based, I would suggest weight lifting before taking hormones. You'd increase your own testosterone that way and you might actually meet a few ladies at the gym. You never know...

Good luck.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (4 September 2011):

N91 agony auntFor testosterone there are many boosters out there which you could buy from pretty much any bodybuilding website - Going to the gym could help as well, will get the body producing testosterone!

Hope this helps.

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A male reader, empty-1 United States +, writes (4 September 2011):

If you suspect a genuine chemical inbalance, you should see a physician. A simple blood test will tell you what's going on.

I would reccomend VERY powerfully AGAINST supplementing testosterone without the supervision of a doctor! There are a lot of options, from recombinant human testosterone, to various synthetics in injection or patch format, however, supplimenting with these things can have SIGNIFICANT effects on your body and long term health.

If you're considering 'bodybuilder' type 'testosterone increasing' pills, be very careful and do a lot of research! Some can actually be effective, however, there are risks involved in those. Most, however, are nothing more than sugar pills.

It's not really a big deal to have a doctor check out your T levels, as well as your HGH levels. -IF- they prove to be appropriate, then you can discuss the options for appropriate supplimentation with your doctor. When you do, ask about anti-estrogens, estrogen binders, and estrogen blockers. These are three distinct categories of drugs that aim to do much the same thing, but in different ways.

The reason I suggest that, is that in some men, testosterone converts too easily into estrogen, resulting in the development of more effeminate features, which can even include growing breasts, losing body hair, and the softening of your voice.

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