A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid aunts im 22. and pregnant. And have moved back.in with my parents because the babys dad left and as i was living.with him in a rented house i now cant afford the rent on a single wage. I love my parents and am grateful for all.they havedone for me but im really upset that they and my brother are all smoking around me in the house and where ever i go in the house i can still smell it, my parents have stoppd doing it as much but my brother will light up next to me and says why should he leave the room coz he lives there. I might be his sister but surely he should give respect that you would give any pregnant woman and not subject me to his smoking! My parents r shrugging their shoulders at this and said theres no point making a big deal but to me it is a big deal! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Hi OP, have you gone to your local Citizens Advice Beauro? They should be able to find you some housing as you are in a high category of need. If your family is not going to stop smoking, even for the health of their grand child, you need to make a stand and leave! You are the mother and even though he/she isnt born yet, you have the responsibility to care for it which includes making sure you are eating right, drinking right and not inhaling smoke!!
A
male
reader, xgod  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 For all of these replies stating that it's the parents house and thus their rules, get a clue!
The dangers to pregnancy and the pregnant woman are well documented. For those parents and people living in that house not to consider the health of their daughter and her unborn child is plain stupidity.
I understand the concept of the home being the castle of the owner, but when OP is at the point where she cannot financially afford to live anywhere else, it should be the responsibility of the parents and residents within that house to protect the life of the unborn child from the dangers of tobacco smoke.
So by stating that she must put up with it and breathe the toxic carcinogens from cigarettes her parents smoke, you are telling her that - because she cannot afford her own place to live, she must abort her baby or cause it to be harmed so that her parents can have the right to control how they live in their own house?
I'm sorry, but that is insane.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 If you pay rent then you should count this as your home as well. I was under the impression that you moved back home because you couldn't afford to pay rent (and that you werent paying rent at your parents house). As long as you contribute to the household then put your foot down. Have a sit-down with your parents (leave your childish brother out) and then come to an agreement. Explain the problem and WHY it is important that you do not inhale smoke while you are pregnant. That this is not you being hyper sensitive. This is important. Get your parents on board. Then come to an agreement, such as them smoking in only one room of the house.
Once that agreement has been made, inform your brother of the new rules together with your parents. 3 against 1 and he'll have to budge.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 You pay rent to your parents to stay in their house? What's the world coming to?!
I honestly fail to understand all this harping around the fact that you're living in their house. Atleast in my culture, your parents' house is YOUR house too and the house never belongs to one individual (legally it might) but to the family and the children of the family have every right to consider it to be their own home, which it is! I don't see why you have to be eternally grateful for being allowed to live there...they're your own parents!!!
If your brother thinks of your parents' house as his house, then it's your house as well. You're siblings, right? Don't men and women have equal rights of inheritance to parental property in your country?
Your brother is a turd, honestly. I'm a smoker myself but it's common decency to not subject a non-smoker to tobacco fumes. But given the power imbalance in your family, it seems like you're left with no option but to put up with your brother's obnoxious conduct till you manage to earn enough to get away from all of them!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): your parents seem supportive..try to cnvinvce them to ban it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): Thanks guys for your replies, i understand that it is my parents house and i havent demanded they stop smoking or even go outside, dont worry i know my place and im in no position to demand things i am there on their good grace only, as for the baby i was in a long term relationship 5 yrs and the baby was a joint decision or so i thought i guess he just freeked out and ran (off with someone else) . My brother has some major issues with alot of things (i wont go into) but the problem is not that he is smoking its that he smokes in every room in the house, the kitchen bathroom lounge/dining room, and because he and i hav had a huge argument about it he purposly sits next to.and blows smoke in my direction and then laughs/ taunts as i leave the room in a temper. Where ever i am i can smell it and he constantly has one.hanging out of his mouth! Im working and paying rent to live here so in my mind i thought i would have the right to.say hey Im.a pregnant lady please show me some curtesy by not blowing smoke at me. To me it would be a common curtesy, if you all had a pregnant friend/ sibling stayin with you surely you wudn sit next to them and light up coz i wouldnt!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 April 2012):
 Yes, your brothers ought to have a little more respect for their niece/nephew.
You can educate them as far as how it can affect you and the baby, but you can't really demand that they don't smoke around you, if your parents can't seem to make a non-smoking ban of the house.
I quit smoking a good 18 years ago and when my husband and I got together I told him that I don't like the smell not the effect of secondhand smoking. So he's always smoked outside. Every now and then he will light up and I actually ask him to take it outside. We have 3 kids and I don't think they need to be around secondhand smoke any more then I do.
I'd walk away, go outside, go elsewhere when one of your brothers light up.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 April 2012):
 How unfortunate that your family (especially your brother) is - collectively - so ignorant or unawares of why there is a great reason for them to not smoke in your presence....I suggest that you gently (again!) remind them that you are carrying a baby... and that baby gets to ingest all and everything that YOU breathe.... and, would you (they) "please accomodate me by smoking outside the house whilest I am carrying this precious cargo???" I hope they'll react (correctly, positively) to your plaint... as I don't believe that your submittal tells us that you have any real good alternative....P.S. Please show this reply to your brother: "Hey, Brother.... Why can't you just be a good brother and leave the room when you must have a smoke???? Your Sister is carrying a real small, and innocent, life there, in her... and she's trying to keep the air clean and pure whilest he's gestating. Is it too much to ask you to accomodate her just a little bit? Heck.... do it for the duration of her pregnancy.... then, once she pops out the little niece or nephew, you can return to where you want to be (want to smoke) and puff your little heart out until your lungs start to look like the residue from a roadway patch job... and you can, then, hack and cough your way through the (brief) rest of your life....."
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female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (18 April 2012):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) It really isn't good for them to smoke around you, not at all... At least give them a brief chat stating all of the end results in being around second hand smoke, like
1.) How your child could end up being premature
2.) End up having a mental disability, and so on & so forth. It's very concerning, and if they truly care about the child's safety and well being then they should at least smoke outside, and not around you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 April 2012):
Educate your family on the effects of smoking when pregnant. I don't see how this is about fair or not though. It is their house, they do live there, they didn't tell you you needed to get pregnant, that one is on you and your ex. It would be nice of them not to smoke, and it would certainly be considerate seeing as it is their grandchild they are potentially hurting here. But none the less, you can't make them or demand that they don't. But I suggest you educate them first, because it sounds like they don't understand the effects this might have on the fetus. If that fails then leave the room where they are in. . Ask your doctor about this next time you visit, you might be over-estimating the danger of living in a house with someone who smokes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): Although I do think that it would be respectful if they would go outside to smoke due to you being pregnant. The fact remains it is their house and you can't come in and just demand that they do what you wish. I can understand your feelings, I really do, but just because your pregnant does not give you any special rights to demand that they change their rules to suit you. You have to respect that it is their house and that they make the rules.If it was your house you could make the rules, but it's not your house so you have to decide whether you can deal with it, or frankly you move out. By the way I don't believe in smoking around children or pregnant people, I don't smoke myself either, but I do not believe that anyone has a right to demand that you act in any certain way in your own house either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): Oh and in case people think I'm an anti-smoker I'm not, I smoke a pack a day and I will gladly step outside, my girlfriend is a non-smoker so we don't allow smoking inside our house. It's much nicer to have a smoke-free house and frankly once you get used to stepping outside it's nice to get a bit fresh air too.
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male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Hi,
Although I agree with you that it is not pleasant and it does smell, you are in their house. Their house, their rules I'm afraid. I do hear you though and it is a shame he can't be a little more understanding.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): I'm sorry, but I have to agree with youwish. It is your parents house and they set the rules, not you. That being said though, I think it is very ignorant of them to light up right next to you. Your parents should set some boundaries. They (and your brother) have the right to smoke in their house, but they could at least not do it right next to you. My wife and I are former smokers, but we would never smoke around anyone inside the house who didn't smoke. When we quit, my wife wanted to forbid smoking anywhere on our property. I said that's not fair to all our friends who do smoke. Let's start by making smoking only allowed in the kitchen with a window open. The kitchen is always full of smoke and smells from cooking anyway. Now we're progressed to only allowing smoking out in our 3 season room which is basically a screened in porch. A little cold in the winter, but we at least accomodate our smoker friends, and have non of the smoke in our house.Maybe your parents could compromise and only allow smoking in certain rooms of the house, then you would have the choice to go in those rooms or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): Things are different here now in Ireland since the smoking ban. Most people don't allow smoking their houses and people just don't smoke around kids or pregnant people anymore. A fag takes two minutes to smoke, it's not that much hassle to just step outside for a moment to smoke it.
It doesn't matter if you leave the room OP the smoke will linger and you literally will have to leave the house to escape it. It is a very big deal OP, but the only solution may be to just stay in your room, in order to protect your unborn child from that airborne carcinogen. Your brother is obviously a selfish, childish ass.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Sorry, but you're in their house. You can't go in there under someone else's roof and demand that they change their behavior in front of you. Sure, it would be nice and a kindness and consideration that your brother might consider lighting up outside while you're pregnant, but you can't demand it. It's you who must respect that you're in someone else's house, even if you're in the family house.
If he lights up, leave the room. If you were in your own house or apartment, you can demand that there's no smoking, but you're not in your house. if it's too bad, you can move out, to put it to you directly.
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male
reader, xgod +, writes (18 April 2012):
Show these videos to your family:
Pregnancy and Smoking (Pregnancy Health Guru)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-LqwmfHZDY
Secondhand Smoke
http://www.videojug.com/interview/secondhand-smoke-2#can-secondhand-smoke-affect-the-health-of-my-baby
Also, present these facts from the University of Minnesota:
http://www1.umn.edu/perio/tobacco/secondhandsmoke.html
Regardless, you must protect your unborn fetus from exposure to Carbon Monoxide and Nicotine, which may lead to miscarriage or the child being unable to breathe properly before and after being born.
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