A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I live with my mum and dad and two brothers. My mother has never been the loving type toward me. One of my brothers is older than me and my other brother is younger than me and when we were younger they both used to team up against me when we'd get in trouble. My mum started automatically blaming me and my brothers never said any different. It's continued ever since. Now even when my brothers own up she just says they must be covering for me even with stupid things like leaving cups out which they do a lot because I clean up after them most of the time because it's easier than being shouted at. My father tells her that she should apologise but she rarely does because she says she's right and doesn't need to apologise for that. She's always putting me down when she feels like it. I know my mother makes him happy and he had a crappy marriage before he met her and before any of us were born so I wouldn't ever ask or expect them to divorce. I know he loves her despite her temper which is normally directed at me but occasionally at them when I'm not around and she feels like I've done something. She yells stuff at them like 'you always cover for her and expect me to believe she did nothing wrong' and 'she's always the problem'. I wouldn't want or try to turn them against each other because that is neither fair nor right on either of them but is it really awful for me to wish she'd stop and occasionally after being called names wish my dad left her and found someone else who made him equally happy but was nicer who would treat me like I'm not just a pain in the family's backside? I wouldn't wish harm on anyone not even my mother but It's been going on for most of my life and now I feel like I am the problem and I deserve it because I must've done something as a child that really upset her and now she's angry with me all of the time. I guess my question is: Is it awful for me to wish she was nicer or my dad found someone who was but still made him equally happy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): I do agree with the other respondent that you have middle child syndrome - I've had it myself and can see why she says that.
BUT I can also recognise signs of psychological abuse. And sorry but I do not agree AT ALL with the suggestions that the other respondent is made - I say this because this is what I tried to do with my Mum - keep giving her gifts and so on and it made it worse. I'm worried that you will fall into the trap of trying to placate your mother and do this because she is not being kind to you. You could end up being 'the mother' and doing the care that she should be doing for you. It's honestly NOT healthy to do this, it can be a very dangerous pattern to get into. I did this and it caused me untold problems because I learned to just accept awful treatment from people and keep being nice to them hoping they'd change. In later years it caused me enormous stress to the point that I became ill and had to start all over again, learning not to let people take advantage of me. I'm worried that this could happen to you.
I'd strongly urge you to go and see a doctor or talk to a teacher at school about the way your Mum is treating you. I know this will feel incredibly frightening and it may be that you get the 'wrong' doctor or 'wrong' tutor who will just try to make out that you are being a typical, spoiled teenager. From what you are writing it sounds very far from being that, but they may try to 'fob you off'.
If this happens then call childline 08001111. Legally you are still a child. They are extremely helpful and will do everything that they can to help you to figure out how to deal with your Mum.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): You have what is classical known as middle child syndrome . It what happens when the oldest gets all the attention and the youngest all the love and the middle one, well hey sometime they get lost in the middle by some ( not all parents) I'm going to put a real life extract not from my family though from something I read on middle child syndrome .A real-life example of what happened to my younger sis, who suffers from middle child syndrome)Oldest: Hey I just turned 16! Mom: Lets go pick you out a car! Oldest: Yay!-1 1/2 yrs later-Middle: Hey I just turned 16! Mom: Oh.. er.. well we're still paying for your sib's car, so you'll have to just borrow from her when you can.. Middle: .-2 yrs later-Youngest: Hey! I just turned 16! Mom: Yay! And I just finished paying for the other car! Lets go get you a car! Middle: Hey! I should be the next one to get a new car! Youngest: but its MY birthday middle: Thats stupid youngest: MOMMY SHE JUST CALLED ME STUPID!! mom: Be nice to your little sister on her birthday!! Come on, birthday-girl! Lets go get that car! Though you would have thought with you being the only girl, mum would be protective of you . We have three children and I consciously try and make them all the same, they are get to tickings off when needed they all get praised .. I think you need to ask mum for a chat, and just say you try your best to be the daughter she wants, you clean up and you want to be close.. Don't go into her shouting at you etc or anything like try and build a relationship with her.. Leave her a flower on the kitchen table can be a daisy anything ( my kids leave me pee the beds haha but it's the thought that counts ) with a note saying love you mum and sign your name .When mum in the kitchen ask if you can help ? If you have chocolate half it and leave her half with a note saying thinking of you . It should be mum reaching out to you . But it's the little things we do that mean a lot .. Tell dad your plan, she what he says ?? .
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