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Is he telling the truth? Should I trust him? He refused to let me see the cell phone bill!

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 September 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2008)
A female United States age 51-59, *aisygirl01 writes:

My husband of 5 years had an affair while I was out of the country for 2 weeks. He said it was over(after 3months). I asked to see the cell phone bill. He refused and I needed to trust him. He gets so angry when I ask. Is he telling me the truth. What should I do.

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A female reader, michelleAKAmandi United States +, writes (10 September 2008):

michelleAKAmandi agony auntSeems you will be a wise one and take our advice and do something with it. Good luck sweetie, I, as everyone else I'm sure, wishes you luck.

Keep us informed on how you are doing.

Take care,

Michelle

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A female reader, daisygirl01 United States +, writes (10 September 2008):

daisygirl01 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks so much for all your help. It has been very hard to find someone to talk with. I just needed to know that I am not losing my sense about myself. When you try to protect those you love & care about, You try not to drag them in on the situation.This totaly made my day.

Thanks Again.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (8 September 2008):

eddie agony auntThe rule is simple. When you get caught cheating you have to become an open book. That is the price of cheating and what you need to do to try and rebuild the relationship. He owes you that.

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A female reader, michelleAKAmandi United States +, writes (8 September 2008):

michelleAKAmandi agony auntI answer questions before I read anyone else's reply/response, so I don't cloud my own thoughts.

In doing so, I believe he IS hiding something! You wouldn't want to see it if he hadn't given you reason to NOT trust him to begin with, so he shouldn't be shocked that you asked and damn sure shouldn't get angry. He should be thanking his lucky stars you are STILL there. (I wouldn't be!)

No you shouldn't trust him!!!!!!...

If he didn't have anything to hide and wanted to show you that you could actually or possibly trust him again... he would have let you see it without a word!!!!

Did I say NO you shouldn't trust him?!!! lol... not making a joke, I think you get my point.

Have you gotten or looked at his cell phone bill before this happened?

Do you not have access to the phone bill online? or does he have an account set up online? If you have certain information, you can open it yourself and see what phone calls are there. After all, you ARE his wife!!! and you have EVERY right to know!

Good luck sweetie!!

Meesh aka Michelle

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (8 September 2008):

lexilou agony auntI agree if he had nothing to hide he would go out of his way to show you the phone bill. How can you trust him if he wont let you even look. I think you need to confront him about this and tell him you really need to talk x

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (8 September 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntHE gets angry at YOU? I agree with Tish, he should willing to cough up anything that would show that he has nothing to hide. Very fishy.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (8 September 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntIt seems to me that you know that he's not telling you the truth if you are asking to see the phone bill. His getting angry and telling you that you need to trust him suggests that he's hiding something, and I would think that he should be bending over backwards to demonstrate that he has changed and has ended it.

You're still dealing with the aftermath of this affair and I wonder if he thinks you should be over it. Did you two get counseling to help you through this? Perhaps some individual counseling for you if he refuses to go would be a good idea.

I don't like the sound of him getting angry, honestly, as it sounds as though he does have something to hide. I would stay calm and tell him that you would like to trust him but are still struggling with it, and that if he continues to be angry and defensive about it, you will continue to have trust issues with him. This needs to be out in the open and he needs to understand your side and doing what he can to repair the damage he's caused to your marriage.

I really think that marriage counseling is your best bet if you want things to work out. You're not going to be able to trust him for a while and he needs to have that pointed out to him by a third, disinterested party.

Good luck.

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