A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is he Lying about the intimacy in his affair?4 months ago i found texts from a female colleague on my husbands phone. The last one she sent him finished with the phrase ' I want you'. I was one week away from giving birth to our first child. He ended it immediately, she moved to another branch , and contact ceased. he said he realised immediately that he had made a mistake and was sorry , that i was the one he wanted. He also said that they had flirted alot, flattered alot, only been to pubs restaurants and in her car , never in a house together. It started as friends, and developed into feelings, he told her he could fall in love with her, she agreed, he told her she made his life better. He told me there was no sexual contact, not even a kiss or holding of hands. He told her that he loved his wife, so they would just be friends. I am confused. it lasted 6 months, he saw her 4 times a week, chatted for about 1 hour every day to her on the phone, called her morning, lunch hour and just before work ended, then met up with her, then would call her in our home while I am upstairs asleep. His phone records show that he sent on average 400 texts a month, where as he sent me about 5 a month. He was furiously chasing her , can i really believe they never even kissed? Is he trying to protect what is left of our marriage by lying about intimacy? How can I get him to confess if he did kiss her?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2009):
You can't get him to confess a thing. If he won't, he won't. It's pretty clear that he was at least having an emotional affair, so it's more important that you decide whether you want to try and fix this marriage and keep him in your life. If you do, don't waste time getting him to admit what he did, start fixing the marriage.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (2 October 2009):
 Whatever he was doing, he was involved in at the very least an emotional affair with this woman.
Regardless of what happened, even assuming he had sex with her, the real issue is whether you want to keep your husband.
And of course what can the two of you as a couple do to heal your relationship and move past this event together.
He may be lying about no sexual contact so as not to hurt you. Its very likely he loves you very much and totally lapsed while this was going on.
Men and women get into affairs for all sorts of reasons, probably not one of them has anything to do with you.
With a child on the way, he may have felt trapped; his life was changing; it reached a new level of serious. It could be any number of factors.
The best thing to do is instead of trying to get to the problem head-on, why not ask him how he was feeling before the pregnancy (about you), and during and now.
How does he feel about his life in general? Is there something that he needs to make his life better (except for the other woman of course)?
The sooner you two address these issues, the better it will be for the two of you. He needs to open up to you and you need to be able to forgive him if its going to work. If the two of you are confident enough, and open enough with each other, the only intimacy he's going to crave is the intimacy he has with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): well after six months i find it hard to believe they never slept together. Yes he is trying to save what he has left with you. He was enjoying it at the time (otherwise he wouldnt have done it right?), then he got caught, and now he is having play it down an give the impression that it was just friends close to the line.
after the amount of contact they were having it was something a little more than friends.
if you want to stay with him and put this in the past and leave it there, id suggest saying to him something like this. 'you took me for a fool once, do not try and take me for a fool twice and say nothing intimate happened, now we leave it there'
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