A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:we have been together for just over 3yrs now, and we have a 14 month old son. since we found out i was pregnant he changed, i went through the pregnancy alone. since birth, he doesn't offer to help with our son or when i'm ill he don't help me, and this is when he didn't have a job so there was no excuse. now he has a job he uses that as an excuse; he comes home and sits down while i am sorting our son dinner, cooking us dinner. in 14 months he has never offered to bath, read to him etc. lately he doesn't even want to relax with me in the evening. i don't love him as much as i used to but i want to. we are engaged but we are trying to work things out before we do get married tho. for example the other day he spent the whole day on the pc while i played and sorted our son out and we even had company coming round. what can i do?
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female
reader, nicollieollie  +, writes (3 October 2009):
Oh my goodness,when I read your post it definitely hit home. My boyfriend has been doing the same things. Everything has changed since we had our son. I have to wonder, was your man really honestly ready to have a child? I think sometimes men feel trapped by their new role as "father" and can develop resentment towards their partners.
You should definitely sit down and talk to him about it. Good luck and stay strong 3
A
female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (2 October 2009):
Agree with Uncle Phil. My brother was the same with his wife and she did exactly was Uncle Phil expressed - and you know what, it worked wonders! My brother was just taking his wife for granted and though he loves his son - he was using work as an excuse not to get busy in the evenings with his family - he just turned into a lazy slob at home. He even did the whole pc thing when friends were coming round....
So - you really do need to get his ass into gear - maybe leave the baby with him and go out so he has to interact with the little one - just get a little proactive in changing your fiance's routine.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, miranda18  +, writes (2 October 2009):
Ok well it sounds like you guys started great..... I understand that you are confused about why he turned into a total asshole all of a sudden but maybe this is what's going through his headHe didn't wanna leave you when you had the baby because he thought that wasn't manlyHe was right but only half waysI was a dude and I had to take rep for my actions I would stay and do everything I canIf not its better if I leftTrust me hunny try what that person said about cutting the sex and other things like thatAnd if things don't change you should leave him and go make a good life for your kidThat is the most important thing to you nowIt may hurt that he doesn't love you anymore......if that's the case but keep your head on and hold fastWillpower would be a very usefull tool in this situation
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): I can tell you what NOT to do - not yet anyway - and that's to get married!
Take industrial action - stop treating him as though you're his slave, and let him know why. Cut out the sex and sleep in another room if you have to. Let him do some shopping, cooking and washing up. If he wants his clothes washed and ironed show him how the relative appliances work.
When he's figured out what attitude adjustments he needs to make - and has acted upon them - you can be more amenable.
If he can't make the necessary adjustments, consider showing him where the door is or you'll spend the rest of your days in domestic drudgery with no thanks for it. While he can get away with acting like a slob and your master, he'll take advantage of you so don't let him get away with it.
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