A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So Ive been in a relationship with my BF for 7 months. He likes to call me by 30+ pet names and at one point started playing a game where I should say my real name is not my name or he will count strikes and skip meeting days we meet up on. He even said it is only a joke when it started but lately, sometimes I cannot tell if he is completely joking. I brought it up today saying it makes me feel unpleasant and Im unsure if it really is a harmless joke. His comment--"half the time the strikes are a joke but half the time they are serious" to him. What, really? He would always trick me by asking me so many times to see if I would answer to my real name. Usually he gets me so he counts those strikes. When I ask if he can say he will never not want to meet because of those strikes from the joke..and surprisingly again, he said he is not sure. I then commented that if he does not see them as harmful and will not want to do what his strikes in the game are for then he wouldnt hesitate to say they mean nothing, but he did hesitate. However, he mentions I know he will skip days to not meet me. Not so sure anymore...even though he hasnt done that yet. He adds I made him feel bad about it and why I had to complain about it..Is it not okay to be concerned about the health of our relationship? I do not play jokes that are half serious with him and I dont think I deserve it. I just think when a person intends a game/joke to just be for fun they wouldnt make their SO doesnt have a bad feeling about it or if it makes their SO feel hurt. Especially when it is about responding to my real name. For that he doesnt want to meet me. Isnt it too silly to play the joke then? Am I just being too emotional and unreasonable? Or is it the both of us. Not me but him? Is he being insensitive or really think of not wanting to meet so he plays this *game*? What are your thoughts? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Petina57  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Who does he think he is? Mr.Grey I presume. How on earth do you put up with him. It's not what normal loving couples do. I won't tell you to dump him, you already know what you must do. Good luck , hope this helps
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2016): What an absolutely vile creep! He knows how he is making you feel and he is doing this on purpose. Please wise up and realise he is SO ABUSIVE. You need to leave this awful 'joker'. He wants you to do whatever he wants, even deny your own identity otherwise you can't see him? This is giving him the biggest kick ever that you are confused, unhappy and playing along. Abusive men are out to make you feel this way. Manipulated, unsure of yourself, unhappy. Read up on abuse. It will really help you to understand what kind of a creep you have met. The best book I found after my abusive encounters was 'Why Does He Do That?' by Professor Lundy Bancroft. You will finish that book feeling empowered and informed and reassured that what your boyfriend is doing is not normal, not nice and totally unacceptable. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (27 January 2016):
 My ex husband used to play what he called "mind games" like this with me. If I didn't do something or say something right he would withhold kisses, affection even sex from me. We were 19-21 at the time but it was still extremely childish. Notice I said EX husband. He just recently got divorced for the 5th time. Guess all of his ex wives didn't like it either.
Do yourself a huge favor. Get out. Your boyfriend is cruel, manipulative and a control freak. I'm sure you can do better hun. What he's doing isn't cute in any way, shape or form.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 January 2016):
 He's an idiot and not deserving of adult treatment since he can't behave as an adult.
I personally would tell him... NO GAME.
and then say "every time you act like a child with this foolish game nonsense, I am absenting myself from your presence" the first time is for 24 hours.
you go no contact for 24 hours
the second time he so much as mentions his "game" you say "sorry that's not a topic I am willing to discuss I will speak to you in 48 hours"
and go no contact for 48 hours
the third time for 72 hours
if after 3 times he does NOT get the message kick him to the curb as he's not worth it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Your boyfriend is nasty, malicious and manipulating. Tell him GAME OVER and block him .... did I mention his behaviour is nasty? Make sure you block him good and proper, and don't have anything further to do with him, something is not quite right somewhere, I hope those who say he has another woman are correct, and that the "something not quite right, is not a mental illness.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 January 2016):
 Your BF is a manipulative little shit! Sorry, I have no better word for it.
He is playing games with the woman he claims to care deeply for, "punishing" you for not playing along. What kind of dipstick does that?
And of course, NOW it's ALL your fault that his game is no longer fun - as you don't want to play it and you told him so... It' ALL your fault, not his (even though it is HE created this "game" without your consent.)
If he wants to play games, he can go play with himself.
I don't know WHY on Earth you feel like this is OK or that you "have" to play along. It's honestly rather ridiculous and kind of malicious.
I would play the... "I'm done with you and over this juvenile crap game" , block and delete his number and move on.
Come on, honey - you know this is messed up and not what people do in healthy and happy relationships.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 That's absurd. But easy to put a stop to.
Tell him that you are NOT playing anymore. It's a stupid game , you are sick of it , and any game should only last as long as all the players are having fun.
So, tell him that for you from now on this game is over, you refuse to take any part in it. The end.
If he still insists on playing it on his own, AGAINST your will, i.e. counting strikes and giving you absence days as penalty- that says a lot about him, and nothing nice too. Like, he is a neurotic, compulsive weirdo with a sadistic bent. Or, as the other poster suggests, maybe he NEEDS to keep you at arm's length for less than honest reasons and he tries to pass it off as a game.
If he nderstands and stops his antics, you know what... I would also tell him that you have a real name, and he should learn to use it. Nicknames and terms of endearment are cute and all,.. in the right context and quantity. They may mean a lot in special moments of intimacy, of tenderness , of passion.... but you are an adult with a real name in the real world, and you do not wish or appreciate to go by " Koochie-hoochie-poochie " 24 / 7 !.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (27 January 2016):
 You don't have to join in his game. For heaven's sake what is the point of it? And as for missing 'meeting days' as your punishment...? That means it isn't a punishment for him. There is something very fishy going on that you don't know about. Perhaps there is another woman or wife which is why you can't use your real name.
My advice is to put your running shoes on and get out of this ASAP. It is not a healthy arrangement.
...............................
|
