A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So. Problem.I'm absolutely in love with a wonderful young man who I met during the summer over the course of a week. After that week, of course, we each returned to our respective homes, and are now literally thousands of miles apart. The chance of me seeing him again before next summer are pretty much zero, and even the summer thing isn't 100% likely. We're friends on Facebook, but we don't talk on Facebook chat as often as I would like, and I'm worried I'll seem annoying to him because it's nearly always me who initiates the conversation. Granted, this wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the additional complications. Here's the further problem. The summer thing was all in a language which is a second language to me, but everyone else (including him) spoke it as their first language. It wasn't that hard talking to friends and having fun, so the language issue wasn't a problem at the time.However, I'm sure everyone here knows how difficult it can be to talk to your crush, when you have no idea whether it's requited or not - difficult enough when you're speaking in your mother tongue and so is he. You can imagine how it must be a million times more difficult for me as I try to converse him and not make stupid mistakes, or take too long in thinking what to say. Essentially, since our only interaction right now is via Facebook, since I live so far away from him, it's so difficult for me to tell what he thinks of me. A lot of the advice out there talks as if you can see him most days, at school or at work or wherever, so it's marginally easier to tell (voice inflections, body language, eye contact etc.) but online, where real interaction is at a zero, and even virtual interaction at a minimum (think once or twice a month, even less) - what should I do? How can I know?Thank you in advance.
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female
reader, Gwydion  +, writes (21 December 2011):
I don't feel that the main problem is language, but rather it's a LDR, with no end in sight. That, in my opinion, is the unfeasible part. You can't develop a relationship virtually and keep it going with goal so to speak, it's not the same as a couple who has had to split up for work etc. or an online couple who then makes the decision to move it to real life.
I wouldn't worry on the language aspect, I've extremely close friends and romantic attachments to guys who don't speak my first language. I agree the communication aspect isn't ideal but when both are committed to the friendship/relationship, it's definitely workable.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (21 December 2011):
 My situation is similar to you but reversed in the fact that my guy speaks English as a second language, he is Japanese. And even though he has lived in the US for 10 years now, English is still very difficult for him. We don't always understand one another, so I truly understand what you are going through. I think it would be best if you are hoping for a relationship with this man that you express right away that while you are trying to learn his language, you may not always say the right things and you hope he will help you and be patient with you. Patience goes a LONG ways, trust me. And a sense of humor certainly comes in handy! My guy tries so hard but there are times when I truly don't know what he is trying to tell me, byt we always muddle through and can laugh about it. LDR are VERY difficult, I would strongly suggest that you try to get him to talk and communicate with you on camera like through a free site like skype, or something of the like. It helps you feel close. Its so nice to be able to see the person, and that way you can get a much better take on what they are feeling! As far as you knowing what he's feeling, I'm not sure that you can for certain, just use your best judgment, what kind of vibes are you getting from him? Does he seem interested, want to stay in touch, or is just a friendship feeling you get? Other than coming right out and asking him, you're going to have to go with your feelings. If he's interested, you'll know. And if he's not..well you'll know that too because the contact will grow less and less frequent. Give your best shot and good luck!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 December 2011):
 1. You cant be in love with someone after a week. You hardly know the boy, let alone love him.
2. There is no way for you to see him again for the foreseeable future
3. You dont speak the same language
4. You cannot have a relationship via Facebook
What should you do? Accept that you had a cute holiday romance but it simply is not feasible in the real world to continue with this and move on. It doesnt matter how he feels about you, even if he did like you there is no future for this so let it go and move on.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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