A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im worried that my husband likes a women at work. he drives a truck at a company and she works in the office, he always says that the girls are fat and unattractive because I do ask who works in the office and if any of those girls talk to him and he says "No, I just turn my paper work in and come home. So I have half-way believed him...until yesterday. I went to pick him up from work and this girl Hot skinny super long hair pretty Girl.. was standing outside talking on a phone, I said "who is she"? He said he had NEVER seen her before then about 20minutes later confesses that she works in the office, he knew exactly who she was and where she sits in the office. WHY did he lie? he said she has worked there for awhile, but doesnt know her name. Im sooo mad. I cant stand the lying he said he lied so I wouldnt be upset....I said that this is worse and he lies about buying porn....I live with a lying husband, there is No Trust,stability. Im thankful I dont have a kid with him!Does he like her? I feel insecure when he goes to work.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): .... I 1oo percent agree with bag lady. I couldn't have put it better my self. I was the person you described. Except, it was ANYTHING that was female - girls on the street, friends, family, even my grandma! It didn't matter! TV? The only channels he could watch were the sports channels.
I had a nervous breakdown and we broke up for 12 months it was only then did realise what i was doing to our relationship.
OP, I hope you aren't like me.
A
male
reader, Psychology101 +, writes (3 March 2010):
It seems you have issues with yourself more then anything. I am sure he's attracted to her, but did he cheat on your with her? Odds are He hasnt. You need to deal with your issues. If you dont they will haunt you in the next relationship.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (3 March 2010):
He lies cause he doesn't want to fuel your insecurity not cause he secretly likes her. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 Ok he has obviously clocked the woman at work but it doesn't for one mimute mean he is going to jump into bed with her. He lied because it is highly likely that he knew that you and I would have done as well - were likely to fly off the handle in some kind of jealous rage. All men lie about buying porn and watching it on the internet. It really doesn't mean that he loves you or fancies you any less and he is not about to run off. Is there anything in his behaviour which has led you to think that there is anything going on or has made you fell susspicious? If he is the same as always I would calm down and let the subject drop. I honestly don't think he is interested in her at all and you have nothing to worry about.
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A
female
reader, Weramazing +, writes (3 March 2010):
 I have no idea whether he has any thing to do with this woman or not. He may like her or may not even look at her who knows?
However I think you have some insecurity and confidence issues I don't know whether your husband lying about porn has made you like this or whether that just added to feelings you already had.
If I was you I would take some time out and think about what's making me feel so insecure that I have to ask my husband what the women at his work look like. Honestly it must feel crap being in a marriage and worrying about that stuff. I don't agree with your husband watching porn and I also don't agree with him lying about it as that just makes you trust him less. However maybe he lied about the lady at work because he knew you would feel uneasy about it.
I think you need to gain your confidence back if there are trust issues in your marriage discuss them with your husband and tell him what you want him to change. Maybe you gave lost confidence in yourself for other reasons what ever it is You shouldn't feel like this and something is not right. it is down to you to identify the problem and address it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, BagLady +, writes (3 March 2010):
I was in a marriage like this and only after I was divorced and wondering what happened did I find out.
The problem is you in this case. Hear me out before the shock and offense sets in.
You are already insecure. You don't trust and this happened Before you met-it has nothing to do with him. For him he has to chose in between lying in order to live a normal life or cage himself so you can be happy. Sometimes it's easier to just lie and deal with the consequences later.
There will always be beautiful women around him-ALWAYS. He will have crushes and be flattered and even tempted throughout his life. You will as well-it is like this for everyone.
Where you are going wrong is that in your insecurity you feel threatened by anything that touches what you are insecure about-other decent looking women, porn, stripping, female friends (if you have allowed him to have any) instead of you dealing with your insecurity you try to create an environment free from them.
You don't give him the freedom to choose to be devoted to you-to be in love with you...he's to busy avoided the buzz of the shock collar you have around his neck.
Almost everyone is afraid to not be the most important and cherished thing by the one they love. And it is hard to trust someone. But if you want him to stop lying to you-give him his freedom.
He doesn't panic every time your heart skips a beat when you're watching some sappy romance where the hero sweeps the heroine off her feet? You are not watching it for just the actor (an there are some fine men out there) you watch it for the thrill of romance. Porn is the same for men (with healthy sex lives) It's hot it's sexy and the atress fulfills every fantasy they have...just like the romance actor fulfills yours. Men are strong sexual creatures, don't bash it or devalue it-it is that very lust and desire that makes them pursue us like the hero does.
If there is a handsome man at work that the ladies love to drool over...does that mean you all forget your men in hopes of a fling? No-it's the same for men. What is life if you don't get to enjoy all the fun things (within reason)
Let him blush because a pretty girl is in the room-it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, desire you, or is unfaithful. It means he wired correctly.
For him you have made it so that your trust is unreasonably unattainable...so sometimes he just says, "F*ck it, she's gonna think I'm up to no good no matter what I do."
If you want to be irresistable-be confident and learn how to let others build your trust.
You need to know that not always will the person come through...you can't always make straight As or always win the tournament...but you can try. You will be disappointed and perhaps hurt, but you need to start loving like you haven't been hurt before. Only then will you open your heart wide enough to make room for fulfilled and complete love.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (3 March 2010):
 Hi.
I can see why you're angry. Why would he talk about the women at his work all being fat and unattractive when one of them is clearly not? I'd try not to jump to conclusions though, he could have been afraid of your reaction if he said one girl was hot.
He probably didn't mention her so you wouldn't get suspicious or worried. I dont know why he had to say all the women were fat and unattractive though, he needn't have said anything. Were you probing him to find out if there were attractive women at his work? If not, why would he say anything about how they look? That's just rude! But he could be trying to protect your feelings.
He shouldn't have lied. There are ways of saying these things tactfully. He should have just said, well there is one fairly attractive girl, but she is of no interest to me as I have a beautiful wife etc.
I wouldn't worry too much though. Him not mentioning this woman doesn't nessasarily mean anything. He says he doesn't know her name, he just might not have any contact with her. He might not have thought to mention her. Just because she works there doesn't mean he's going to ogle her or want to have an affair with her. If he's been faithful, then maybe he just doesn't want to worry you.
You say he lies about porn also. Perhaps talk to him about why he doesn't tell you about these things and why he lyed and said all the women he worked with are unattractive? Try to find out why he conceals these things from you. You're right, you don't deserve a husband who lyes and conceals things from you. But there might be a psychological reason for him hiding things like porn. In a relationship you should be able to be open about these things.
Hop this is a help :/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): I can easily say that you sound like you are over reacting but maybe there's more to the story than meets the eye. I would not like to think that a marriage of trust can not be so easily broken just from your husband maybe liking another girl. I just hard to believe you feel this bad over something so small.
Either way he would have "lost" if he told you there was a pretty girl at his work, or by lying then and saying there weren't any. Trust tends to work both ways and I'm sure you didn't trust him before the question of a pretty girl came up. Rather than worrying if he likes another girl or not, you should work on your marriage with him and your insecurity. Try working on the positives than the negatives.
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (3 March 2010):
Well, he was hiding the truth from you because you keep obsessing about the women at his workplace.
Are you doing this because he has cheated on yu before?
Or are there other underlying issues that you didnt mention.
I will advise you give him some space and stop being insecure because if you keep pushing a man, you will eventually make him do that which you dont want him to do.
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