A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy and we dated for 3 months and it was amazing in the beginning he chased me took me to places I met all his friends. The only thing was that he ended a relationship for 2 years and after 3 months she started to date his friend so that really bothered him but he opened up to me about it nevertheless. He was looking for a job in the time we were together (he just got a good one now, he's a great guy and honest) he told me that he's not totally in the relationship with me but he still wants me. We went out last weekend had a really good night out but then I saw him in the day time with his friends and it was really weird between us so a few hours later when I got home i texted him this is not acceptable for someone I am dating that you don't come over to me when you're with ur friends, and he wrote 'i understand' and basically I got so upset and ended it and then later that night I got drunk and told him I've met a new guy anyway. Obviously that was stupid BUT the question is, should i NOT have ended it and given it more time as he told me he had fun and loved hanging out with me but couldn't give his all?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 March 2014):
 May I add a detail that you won't see in your "dating rules" book?
Guys are like dogs who chase cars (we chase women). Once a dog catches a car, WHAT CAN HE DO WITH IT????? They can't drive it, because their hind legs aren't long enough to reach the pedals.... AND, lacking opposing thumbs, they can't hold on to the steering wheel properly. We guys face a similar dilemma.
Some guys complete the chase by being nice boyfriends, and live happily ever after with the woman they chased.
MANY guys catch the woman, and - after having $ex with her - don't know what follows... (They only know that they were "successful" because their penis reached to her lady-parts.)
You had the misfortune of running in to one of the guys who's the latter...
Put it behind you.... and hope that you never run in to such a creep again...
Good luck....
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (27 March 2014):
 The bottom line is "he's not totally in the relationship with me" - he is not fully emotionally available for a relationship at the moment.
Get the thought that you did something wrong out of your head. As Cerberus says, he is in rebound mode and it likely has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do.
Please, don't take dating 'rules' too seriously. Instead, when you start dating, listen to what a guy says, and notice his actions. That tells you more about a guy than a book about dating rules can. This guy is very clear in both his words and his actions - he's not available.
The only dating 'rule' I really ascribe to is going no contact when it's over. That means no texting, no emailing, no peeking at his Facebook profile and no asking about him through friends.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK I understand what you are all saying but I have a book which tells you about the rules about dating and he really chased me before we had sex, it says that guys after they sleep with a girl something happens to them like they go into a cave and go less into you. Perhaps if I was more distant after we had the sex and was not available for him when he wanted to hang out things would have been different what do you think?The time I saw him in the day time last weekend he was weird but I was too it was both of us but yes I felt as he's the guy so he should come to me, but we sat within 30 feet of each other for like 2 hours and neither of us went to each other so it could be my fault too?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): It was rebound, OP. You didn't end anything because all you had was him using you to get over her and using you to feel better because she had moved on he wanted to match her on that.
It doesn't sound like he did that intentionally but he still did it and I'd treat it that way too.
You did the right thing and you should now fully walk away. He told he's not in it, when you met him publicly you can see how far away from "it" he is and to you that's not acceptable, so that's that don't you think?
He can't give you what you want which is more than just some fun hanging out so he's simply not for you.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 March 2014):
Yep, he tried downgrading you from a relationship to some ambigious arrangement that I'm betting was heading towards friends with benefits. Since that's not what you want, you did absolutely the right thing in ending it. I wouldn't advise any more communication with him, delete his number.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 March 2014):
 This seem to be such a common theme on DC these days with guys STARTING to date LONG before they are ready and then pull a can we just hang out and stuff, because I'm not ready to date?.... And the women think if they PUT out or STICK around that the guy will change his mind.
Honestly, I'd walk (run actually) from this guy. HE isn't into you. You are a nice distraction, while he is dealing with the break up from his ex and his friend's "betrayal", nothing more. You are "the rebound girl".
This ISN'T a reflection on YOU - there is nothing WRONG with you. (except that you are willing to let a man play these asinine immature games with you.) If a guys says:" I am not into this relationship or I don't want a relationship, I can't handle a relationship, I'm not ready for a relationship, then TAKE HEED and PAY attention. If YOU want a relationship and not some F-buddy/FWB, WALK away. Don't WASTE time trying to convince him that you are a GREAT catch.
NO, it was RIGHT to end it. (for all the reasons I gave above) It was petty to drag in a new guy to try and make him jealous. You are old enough to not play those games.
Move on, block this dude from your life.
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