A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I had an affair last year told my wife and she gave me space to work it out, after two months the affair ended. Recently she told me she'd been having an affair after mine ended and is still seeing the man. She wants to sell our house and buy two so we can live apart. We have three children and struggle financially to run one household I'm worried we will end up in a mess and affect the children in the long-run. She thinks my son will want to live with me, I worry he will feel she has chosen her lover rather than him. Is there any hope for retrieving our marriage? We've been married 18 years and whilst the passion has gone we get along fine and have a shared history I'm worried her affair is tit for tat and her mid-life crisis as mine probably was for me. I can't say these things to her as she believes it's true love, her lover has left his wife and two children for her and is planning on buying a house for himself. I belive he will expect more from my wife as he has given up his family for her and think she will get hurt, I know I have to let her make her own mistakes but I still worry about the impact on us all. What can I do other than sit tight in the hope she will come to her senses? If she doesn't what can I do to limit the damage?
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 December 2008):
 Comes to her senses? Who's to say she hasn't now? No disrespect, but, only she can decide if she's finally come to her senses. Ive never thought it makes much sense to stay with someone that cheats, but hey ho, I know, we are all different.
This is a classic example of what goes arond comes around. Hats off to her for giving the marriage a go, but it doesn't always pan out. As this one didn't. Resentment builds and pay back sometimes happens.
Like the other aunt said, I dont think theres anything you can do. But good luck.
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 December 2008):
I don't think there is anything you can do here.
You hurt her badly and say yourself that the passion has gone.
I take it that this means you have not put much effort into making her feel sexy and loved, which is why she went elsewhere. What did you do to help her forgive you and make her fall in love with you again, other than come back and assume all was well?
I think you might have lost her.
Why not suggest that you keep the house and the kids and she can go off and move into her new guys house. The housing market is not great to be selling up anyway. You can pay her rent on her half if she wants.
That way she can go off and make her mistakes but has the option of coming home.
Good Luck!! xx
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