A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don’t know why but I feel really insecure because I don’t want sex as much anymore and my husband may end up leaving me because of it.Last week during a boozy get together with my husband and another couple we got talking about our sex lives. It wasn’t the first time, we’d been friends for years and felt comfortable talking about anything really, especially after a few bottles of wine. The conversation ending up turning to how often we all did it what we thought was a ‘healthy ratio’. Our friends said they did it 2-3 times a week whereas we admitted we only do it 2-3 times a month. It’s a far cry from when we met 10 years ago. We were at it almost daily and always had a kinky, adventurous sex life for years. I used to love experimenting. But I’d say over the past few years it’s changed a lot and I’m no longer as into it as I once was. I don’t really do any of the kinky stuff anymore either and am happy with just normal, run of the mill sex every couple of weeks.But my husband said he could still do it every day. There wasn’t anything wrong with that but it just threw me a little bit more than anything else. I asked him the day afterwards if he really meant it and he said yes and even said he could do it multiple times a day if possible. It doesn’t seem so farfetched either because he still tries it on with me all the time. Pretty much every night when we get in bed and he spoons me he has a hard-on, but I have to knock him back a lot as I’m never in the mood as much. I asked if it bothers him that we never do it as much anymore and he said no. To be fair given how much I do knock him back he never seems overly bothered by it or says anything, and whenever we do actually do it it’s still really raw and passionate as ever. He manages to ‘hit the spot’ every time and never fails to make me orgasm. As good as it is though, I’m happy to go without for weeks afterwards. A lot of the time the thought of sex just doesn’t appeal to me at all during that time.I’m wondering if it’s normal for my libido to have dropped so much at just 32 years old. It’s not like I can even use pregnancy and childbirth ravaging my body as an excuse as we don’t have any kids. My husband has a rare condition which means he can never produce sperm heads so he can’t ever have children. It’s never bothered me as I’ve never really wanted kids and am happy to be childless and just find other things in life, but how can our sex drives differ so much? He’s older at 34 as well. Should I be so worried about it as well? My concern is that it’ll get to a point where I’ll only be in the mood for it once in a blue moon whereas he’ll still be wanting it all the time, at which point he’ll go elsewhere for it…
View related questions:
in the mood, insecure, libido, orgasm, sex drive, sex life, sperm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, EmmyApple  +, writes (8 February 2022):
My husband and I are also mismatched when it comes to our sex drives. As I’ve gotten older, I just can’t do it as much as I used to. I’ve also put on a lot of weight (over 100 pounds since we got married) and I’m not in shape like I used to be. It’s physically exhausting and hard to keep up with him. He wants it every night, but we only have traditional sex a couple times per week. However, there are quick and easy things you can do to keep him feeling satisfied every day! Giving him oral can be really quick and a lot less exhausting than traditional sex. I will usually do that for him on the nights I don’t feel like having regular sex. Sometimes when we are cuddling on the couch I’ll just rub him with my hand. This is easy to do and it can give him a lot of pleasure and even make him orgasm if you get good at it.
Second, my husband and I learned how to get comfortable with porn being a healthy part of our relationship. This was a big step for me. I’m overweight and the thought of my husband looking at sexy women who are slimmer and more physically fit than me felt really scary and intimidating. But the reality is, he’s already doing it whether you like it or not. All men look at pictures or video of hot women, especially men who are starved for sex. I kept catching my husband scrolling through big butts and boobs on Instagram. I was really pissed at first but then I realized than all men do this. Better to acknowledge it and set boundaries than pretend it isn’t happening. He is allowed to look at whatever he wants as long as he doesn’t talk to the girls. Since we made this agreement, our sex life has improved a lot. He is more passionate when we have set, and he’s less needy when we don’t have sex. On nights when I’m not in the mood he puts some bikini or lingerie girls on the TV and he just pleasures himself. He gets satisfied and I get to rest. Sometimes I come in after he has started, and give a bit of oral to just finish him off :) It’s fun and requires very little effort on my part.
He’s a great husband and he deserves to feel all the pleasure he wants every day. It just doesn’t have to be regular sex all the time. There are lots of easy ways to keep him feeling satisfied every day.
A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (25 January 2022):
 You might just be someone who’s not really into sex all that much. When you’re in your early 30s, I think that’s when you settle into who you are properly so maybe that’s why you’re just not a very sexual person anymore. If it is concerning though, maybe get it checked out? Is there something that’s stopping you? Something that’s holding you back? If there is, maybe you should get some counselling or something?
When you do have sex, what gets you in the mood for it? If there is something specific, maybe do that a bit more? Foreplay, perhaps?
are you dealing with any stress? Maybe your life has become too stressful to think about sex. If that’s the case, maybe try planning out your days a bit more.
In any case, just make sure to keep showing affection in other ways to let your husband know that you are still attracted to him, if you still are which hopefully you are?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 January 2022):
 Maybe go see your GYN?
And I DO think that in a 10+ year relationship it's not uncommon that the frequency drops down over time, but 2-3 a month seems pretty low for someone in your age group with a steady partner as the late 20 - to early 30's is when most women have an increase in their sex drive, not a drop.
You could be premenopausal?
Are you attracted to him physically?
Are you two taking time to BE romantic?
Him poking you with a hard-on is HARDLY foreplay or getting YOU warmed up - so while he GETS you off and it turns out good once you have it, maybe he needs to try to "seduce" you in a way that entices you to sex.
And I think YOU need to consider that sex is important for your husband. He is obviously attracted to you. So I would suggest you go see your GYN and make sure all is well down below. And that YOU make more of an effort to show your husband that you are attracted to him sexually too. Not saying you should have sex if you are not in the mood but you need to put in more of an effort here.
Or figure out WHY you are not.
...............................
A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (25 January 2022):
You may have a drop in your hormones. It's best to go see your doctor and have some test.
...............................
|
