A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it completely absurd to fantasize about your wife doing something with another man (ex hand job, BJ, just kissing, intercourse)? My wife is extremely attractive, younger than me, and I have no desire to be with anyone else. However, I do sometimes fantasize about watching her do something or recording it and showing me later. Sometimes I ask her about previous relationships and when she tells me, I become very aroused (she knows this). Should I ask her to try something and start out slow or not bother with it at all?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2022): NO you shouldn't. Not if you want to stay married.
A
male
reader, plastow  +, writes (27 January 2022):
my wife and i tried this and it blew a hole in our relatioship .it seemed fun while organising it and the run up sex was amazing,but when we actually did have sex with others i was so jealouse its taken me years to get it sorted in my head.dont try it just enjoy the fantasy
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A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (25 January 2022):
 I don’t know what kind of people you or your wife are. You might be that kind of couple who is up for anything, and if that’s the case then fine. But personally, I feel that sex is a very intimate thing between two people. And I am worried that by your post, it seems that you just want this for your pleasure, but remember that she is a person as well, and it could develop into something else which you have no control over which may end in tears and heartbreak.
There is a high risk of a full blown affair, or her leaving you. Are you getting self-conscious which would intern create trust issues in your marriage.
For some, open relationships and open marriages may work, but for most they don’t. I was in an open relationship with a man who wanted multiple women, and I know for a fact that I hated it. I was constantly jealous and that quite a lot of trust issues. Remember that if this turns into one of them, then there’s two other humans with feelings to consider. And it all would’ve started because of you wanting to get your rocks off. Just be careful
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (24 January 2022):
 The big difference between fantasy and reality is that you have complete control over your fantasies but no control whatsoever if you turn them into reality. You could get jealous of how much your wife enjoys the attention of another (presumably younger) man. She could even decide she prefers sex with him and either dump you completely and go off with him or sneak around behind your back with him. She could decide that, if you are happy for her to have sex with someone else, you don't love her and only want her as a means of arousing YOU - which is what your post sounds like.
Cross the boundary at your own peril. This sort of thing very seldom, if ever, ends well. Keep your fantasies as fantasies where you have control. That is, if you want to keep your wife.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2022): Oh yes, you'll find a lot of guys who share your fantasy; and anyone who has tried it, will tell a titillating tale fit for a steamy romance novel telling how great it was. You took vows with your wife for a reason. It was to establish trust and integrity in your union; and you made her a promise to be faithful, so your commitment has meaning. If someone comes on here and said they tried it, and how wonderful it was; all you have is their word for it. They could have made the whole thing up; and it might not have turned out as they've claimed at all. Nobody really likes admitting they've made this huge tragic mistake that blew-up in their face; it's easier to add a happy ending, and call it a day. If it takes an open-marriage to make it better, why do people bother getting married at all???
I'll tell you what, I've been here at Dear Cupid since 2013; and the complaints far outnumber the success stories, when it comes to inviting an outsider into your marriage for sex. There's this bothersome human-emotion called jealousy. It likes to sneak-up on us, it's venom is more potent that way. There's this other character-weakness called cheating. It somehow convinces us it's okay, as long as we don't get caught! Other aunts and uncles have been here longer, and I'd listen to the veterans were I you!
Of course, you'll get a lot of anecdotes that can justify doing almost anything imaginable under the sun, for the sake of sexual-pleasure; but all our actions have consequences. When you are talking about your marriage; just stop to think of what your wife means to you, and imagine life without her. We have no control over what our hearts and imaginations may summon into our fantasies; but we do have control over our actions and behavior. Some don't, they are a slave to their impulses; blame temporary insanity, or a mental-health disorder! Our bodies will only go where we take them; and unless we're forced to do anything against our will, it will only do what we want it to do.
Go ahead and proceed, if you think it will "work-out great" for you. It's YOUR marriage! No skin off my nose! You're entitled to get opinions from every side of the issue. I'll just caution you to the consequences, once you've opened that Pandora's Jar (it became Pandora's box in the 16th century). The demons hide on the other side, just waiting to be released. Once that toothpaste is out of the tube, have fun pushing it back!
An open-marriage usually becomes a divorce. Feel free to investigate and research the statistics. You can't stop your wife from becoming more attracted to another man; if he has character and other attributes that rival your own. Just remember that you may be introducing her to your potential competitor or nemesis. Even if you make the rule of an one-time-only experience; someone might make a first-impression that will stick. You don't own or control her feelings, passions, and desires; she just shares them with you. Once vows are broken or put aside, it's a free-for-all. Why should she be constrained by any rules or vows thereafter?
Then there's the problem with jealousy. When you realize someone's performance makes yours look so amateur; then you'll probably find yourself having performance-anxiety. "Is she comparing my lovemaking to the other guy's?" Life is not a live-porn show waiting to happen, it's not fantasy come to life; it has pitfalls and punishments, we are personally accountable for what paths we choose to take. If we lead others down that path, whose fault is it when it ends in disaster? Fingers will be pointed back and forth, that's human nature. Regardless of who's to blame; if disaster is the result, you're forced to live with it because you can't go back in time. Unfortunately, our memories can! Again, and again...and again!!!
People will call it being a prude, or a killjoy, when you give this kind of advice. I love my precious partner too much to share with someone slimy; just there to hit-it and run. Some opportunist looking for a good-time! My partner is a person, not some "thing" to be borrowed or used. I will end the relationship when I feel I need someone else in my sex-life. It would raise my eye-brows to the top of my skull to be asked to permit such a thing!!! I will not gamble with someone I love, just to get my rocks off. It's hard enough fighting-off temptation and being faithful; without opening the door, and inviting trouble in!!! You don't know what your competitor has on his/her mind, and that's what makes him/her dangerous! You don't show a treasure hunter where you've hidden your treasure; and you don't show a thief the combination to your safe! Catch my drift?!!
It's certainly your marriage, and your choice. If your wife agrees to it, then pursue it. Don't you blame her for how much more pleasure she might receive than you do! "It is what it is," as they say!
You can make a plan, and execute it; but you can't see into the future. Fantasies can be enjoyed over and over, when you keep them locked-up in your mind where they belong; but when you introduce fantasy into the realm of reality, you no longer hold the keys to the outcome. That's left to fate and destiny. Meanwhile, the devil just can't wait to have his way! He just might be your first guest into your threesome.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 January 2022):
 Fantasy is fantasy. It's NOT reality.
I'd wager that 90% of women would NOT want to be "shared" and passed around as party favors for YOUR sexual gratification. Because this is ALL about you.
In your fantasy you are 100% in control. Your wife doesn't develop feelings for the other guy, she doesn't start to prefer HIS body/penis/conversation over you, she is JUST a prop in your head.
Reality is not that tidy. For one, she might absolutely RESENT that you think SHE would want to do this. I know I would. If my husband suggested this I would be devastated, and I would lose a lot of respect and trust in my husband. Because guess what? I'm not a BLOW UP doll or a personal pornstar to entertain my husband's fantasies.
And then there is the XY factor - the unknown. The guy you or she chooses. He might be hung like a horse, he might be a much better lover than you, he might have more charm, better looks, and he is "new" and "not you". You might decide that you don't want her to do it again, she might decide she WANTS to, with other men, just not share it with you. She might feel that you don't think SHE is enough for you, that your sex life isn't enough for you.
You invite this into your marriage and the likelihood of it turning out well is minimal. You might just BE the one to destroy your marriage, all for some cuckold fetish. Really, OP? Aren't you old enough to not think with your dick?
Why not keep it a FANTASY? Between you two? Or just in your head.
Now, of course, I don't know your wife and I have no idea if she is up for anything like that. And I have no idea how much you VALUE your wife.
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A
male
reader, Chip +, writes (24 January 2022):
 This has been a fantasy to lots of guys and in many cases, they have actually gotten to see another man have sex with their wife. There was once that my wife and me were at a private party and happened to the the last couple to leave. The guy that had the party was alone then, because his girlfriend had to leave early, because she had to work the next day. The 3 of us sat around, just chatting and listening to music and my wife wanted one more drink while we were there. A little later, my wife excused her self to go to the bathroom and nothing thought of it. A few minutes later, she came back into the living room, totally naked and DAMN, what a turn on it was. Well, as you might guess, the night ended up with us having a threesome and it was the beginning of an open relationship for us. That lasted for a few years and worked out great for us. Our marriage was stronger and our sex life together was much better, but then the pandemic came around, so we ended the open relationship. I know it wouldn't work for many, but for us, it was great.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (24 January 2022):
 Personally i would leave it alone, bringing a third party into the bedroom is likely to end not happily.
I would leave this as a fantasy and not bring this to fruition. What if you experimented with this and let her do it, then she started feeling more of a sexual attraction to someone else more than she does for you, then started seeing that person behind your back?.
So yes, i would leave it alone.
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