A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I'm in a long distance relationship (100 miles) of 1 month, and I'm a little iffy about one of my boyfriend's female friends, who is actually married (but unhappily).They have a little history- they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend but in school, she did pursue him- a lot. He never returned it.She's texted him in the past - pre-me - telling him that if she was there, she'd give him oral sex. She was drunk when she sent it though, apparently.She STILL refers to him as babe, though she's well aware he's now in a relationship.And today, they went to the cinema together, alone. Basically, I'm suffering the green eyed monster, and I feel extremely threatened by her.I trust him, he has told me openly that he is 100% committed to me and I believe that- he has also told me that he has never had feelings for her. I just really, REALLY don't trust her as it looks like his giving her attention is being misinterpreted as affection or flirting, and I don't wish for her to make a pass at him. I'm toying with the idea of telling him, but I feel like the jealous, over-possessive girlfriend.Help?
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female
reader, yelloworse  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Jealousy is never healthy for YOU! First - how long distance are we talking? 20 miles or 1000? If you can travel to see him often, do so and ask him to come see you too. Long distance relationships are very hard and take a lot of commitment and maturity on both parties. One thing to focus on here is the time you will spend together, and to make it a positive experience - not full of insecurity, questions and accusations. Another thing to focus on is when will this portion of the relationship end, and what are your plans for the future? A long distance relationship requires a lot of energy and a lot of time alone. Be sure he's worth the trouble. now - about the girl. the truth is, if someone is going to cheat on you, they will find a way. Whether in your own house or a 100 miles away. That's why trust is so hard. But a good relationship is built on trust. You should listen to your gut feeling, inner voice, or whatever you call it to guide you. think about what you want in terms of being repected from him. Obviously he is allowed to have friends, even other girls that are friends. You have to trust him, not her, to draw the line of appropriate behavior. If he is doing something to distrepect you, tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and then watch and see if he fixes it. Ignoring your feelings tells you a lot about how he really feels. At the same time, don't abuse your power. Be fair. Treat him Like you want to be treated. Your self confidence and security in him will be a turn on, and actually KEEP him from cheating.Lastly - DO NOT sit at home by the phone. Work, study, go out with friends - make sure you keep having a life when he is not there. this is important to the life of any relationship, but is vital to your mental health in a long distance situation. Eventually the truth will come out one way or the other - don't loose your sense of self in the progress.Good luck!
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