A
female
age
36-40,
*od_gurl
writes:I'm pretty much stuck in a situation where I feel like a total Fag Hag. Most of my friends are gay. I absolutely adore all of my friends, and see them as amazing people who just happen to be gay. It's my gay friends who like to socialize and be out and about town, and it's how I know so many of them. My straight friends are taken or well outside my age range or complete workaholics so they have no interests in going clubbing and doing the single social things. It puts me in this weird netherworld of non-date-continuum that I'm trying to get out of. My BFF has been acting really weird since I've started to actively pursue dating. He's gay. I'm straight. We're both adults and roommates. He's been incredibly dismissive towards friends willing to introduce me to new people or people who suggest taking me out to the straight clubs. Any mentioning of dating and love, he gets a holier-than-thou attitude that makes me want to smack him. He's made it quite clear that he doesn't want me to even mention the subject, so he doesn't have the right to be bitchy when I talk to other people about it. I get that he has more experience. I never really dated anyone before. I'm a late late late bloomer. Seriously, I don't like being looked down on. We never go to the straight clubs nor does he try to help me as a wingman like I do for him. I'm not going to ditch him or any of my friends just because I'm seeing a guy. I just want to multiply and share the joys in my life with those around me. It's NOT about dating a guy out of fear of being single as he likes to try and point out. I see it as a natural progression in life. We're both so close to each other, so it hurts when he acts like this. I've tried to address it, but he don't want to hear it. I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do about the situation between me and him, but at the same time, I am not going to put up with this crap. I am an independent and strong person with physical and emotional needs of my own.
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female
reader, mod_gurl +, writes (26 February 2013):
mod_gurl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys! We talked it out. Granted there was copious amounts of wine involved, but we're good.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): This friend doesn't own you - you are a free agent and can do as you please. Tell him you'll still be friends if you date someone and then go ahead with your plans.Have you tried singles clubs?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Geez, that sucks. I'm sure he is afraid of losing his best friend and becoming just a roommate.
I guess I would distance yourself from him a bit and live your own life. If you really do value his friendship and have a good relationship with him otherwise, you could be very honest with him. "Listen, you're my best friend. I know that I can talk to you, but lately it's been really hard to do. I really want to meet new people, and I hope that you'll accept this... because I want you to keep being part of my life and my circle of friends, which I want to get bigger - not smaller."
If he can not handle this and insists on holding you back, then perhaps it's time to step back from this friendship. You deserve the chance to explore the world, get to know people around you and find someone you can love. Good luck, sweet! :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 February 2013):
 Sounds more like he is afraid of what will happen once you start to date, he will go from BFF to room-mate.
Honestly, I would just start getting out there and date, go slow and don't bring guys home til you know them well enough to introduce them to your friend.
Just because he has dated more doesn't mean he knows what it is like to date for a young woman.
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