A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 17 year old female living in the UK. On New Years Eve I went to a pub with my mates and ended up getting completely and totally hammered. I hooked up with a much older woman, who is 39 years old and has a five year old daughter (she is divorced however.) What's worse is that in my drunken state we exchanged numbers and now she is texting me. I told her that night that I was 21 years old and in University. She was also very drunk and told me that she had done some cocaine that night. I know I cannot pursue this because she is 22 years older than me, but it was the first "lesbian" hookup I've had (I've always had strong feelings for other females but never acted on it) and even though I was totally wasted and she was much older than me, I somehow can't seem to let go. I keep googling her and looking at pictures of her. Am I so messed up? I'm still in high school and she's a mum! I'm closer in age to her daughter, and my own mum is only 10 years older than her. For some reason I've always been very attracted to older women, I dk why... Perhaps the reason why I'm so attached to this situation is because it is my first female romance and I like that feeling. I just need some advice!!
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female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (5 January 2011):
First of all, there's nothing wrong with what you and she did. I don't drink, but from what I've learned about drinking, people usually don't do anything they weren't wanting to do but were held back by inhibitions. So, she and you did what you naturally wanted to do, the alcohol just lowered the barrier. Don't feel bad about that.
As for the age thing, all I have to say is, who cares? If you like her, and she obviously likes you, go for it! You're over 16, so it's legal.
Now if you do end up in an actual relationship with her, there are only two things you need to be concerned about: her daughter and the fact that you'll like different things. As for her daughter, don't ever try to treat her daughter as though she were your daughter. Just treat her like you'd treat a niece: advise, mentor, but don't punnish, don't dote. Treat her with respect but don't treat her as your equal friend, as that might undermine her relationship with her mother. Also, at no time do anything that might be considered inappropriate with or towards her, EVER. As for the differences, look for common interests. You'll have different tastes in fashion, music, movies, and some other things. Don't try to make her like the things you like and don't pretend to like things she likes if you really don't. Be yourself with her, share some of your likes with her, and try some of the things she likes. Find some things you both like and do those things, but make sure you both give each other the space to enjoy some things you like that doesn't involve the other.
A
female
reader, cat lady  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Well, er......when I was about that age, I had a situation quite like that one. That was long before texting came around, back in the 'swinging seventies,' he he. I was an ardent feminist activist in those days and considered it almost a political duty to be open to my 'own side of the fence,' so to speak, and not quibble about things like age differences. I generally found much older people to be more interesting intellectual companions anyway. Only difference I can see so far (only because you haven't said anything about it) is that my immediate family learned of it from my older sister, who lived with me at the time, and they all had a deadly sense of humor. They teased me unmercifully. I can still hear my (mean) sister laughing and saying, 'I saw her looking at you. She was so horny her eyes were watering!' *cringe* The woman was in her forties, no children and lived with a real tartar of a mother. I think a five-year-old might have been more manageable and far less likely to wake up us up at dawn to go out and rake leaves for her as that old woman did.Look, here's the easy way to keep things casual: Confess as sheepishly as you like, your real age. Tell her you were "languored" and trying to show how sophisticated you were and now you're embarrassed as hell about it. If you like, you can add that your parents will have your scalp for it if they catch you, too. That's what we call 'passing the buck,' but what are families for?Thank her for her kindness with you, even though 'she must have known you were just a kid with a big mouth and not a mature adult.' Start talking about whatever school you're really attending, lessons and such - just like a daughter would; then ask about her own school days. All this will accomplish another important thing for you, in a nice and subtle way: it will show her the inevitable generation gap when it comes to lifestyle. Now, the above protects you from a heavy involvement that could be a great deal more 'serious' to an older person, who's thinking about companionship for her 'golden' years, and also protects her from getting badly hurt. As to Googling her, go and leer all you like! That won't hurt you at all and nobody knows but you - unless your sister or brother is watching.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (4 January 2011):
 To start with no your are not messed up at all! Your 17 and this was your first, your acting/feeling like most people do when they are in your place.
Everyone, or atleast most people, always have a strange or unique connection with their first time, and its nothing strange.
This womans age is totally up to you, my opinions on age difference arent whats at question here, but the fact she also has a child and you are so young, i think a relationship is no what is best for both of you in the long run. If you need to tell her this just send her a nice text explaining you had a good night but you dont want anything more.
Trust me your at the best age to be young free and single!
Hope this helps =]
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