A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i think i'm falling in love with my best friend's boyfriend. he's someone i've been friends with for a while and i see him almost daily, and i've been really close with his girlfriend since we were tiny. now i know he's "off limits" and i would never do anything about the way i feel - i'm so shy that this wouldn't be an issue anyway. besides i know i'd never have a chance. normally if i was feeling this way about a boy i knew i couldn't date i would just not worry about it and try to enjoy all the nicer things about having a crush, but thinking of him in this way is making me feel so guilty. we also often go to parties and although we don't get paralectic (sp?) or recklessly drunk, i am worried that i might end up confessing more than i mean to after a few drinks. i know this would ruin everything between me and both him and my friend, but it's getting harder and harder for me as i feel like i'm lying to everyone when they ask me what's bothering me.i was wondering if anybody else who has been/is currently in this situation could give me any advice. thanks.
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female
reader, onyx95  +, writes (29 December 2010):
i know what your going through. im not going to tell you to forget him. cause it wont work. it really makes it worse. i know that your best friend means alot to you and you dont want to risk it. i didn't either. but you need to tell her. as her best friend she deserves to know the truth. even if it means shes mad at you for a wile its better to have all the guilt locked in. im telling you this because i didn't do it now my best friend hates me because i lied to her. and im just now gaining her trust back. Do whats right and just tell her. i cant tell you everything will work out how you plan it but. its good to have it off your chest
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): I'm in that situation, too. What I'm doing is I'm trying not to stare at him or sometimes not even look at him. I also told my friend, and she said she was fine with it and if they brke up i could have him. he kind of likes me too.Find out if he feels the same.
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female
reader, Kylie145 +, writes (3 September 2010):
I am in this situation right now! My BFF is going out with a guy that i am in love with! Everyone says that i should get over him but i cant! I need help to!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): I used to really like my best friend's boyfriend. I didn't know what to do, and I started to worry that something might slip, so I finally told my friend. She was really happy that I told her. My advice would be to tell your friend that you like her boyfriend, but reassure her that you won't do anything to mess up their relationship. If you want to, you could tell the guy, but he might take it the wrong way. Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): Pretty much the same situation. See, he was my boyfriend first. We broke up but stayed friends. I still have feelings for him. Now my best friend is dating him and the feelings have just been magnified. The whole situation is sooo confusing. I don't know what to do. And I can hardly stand it when they're together. I have to lie whenever she asks me what's wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): Thankyou for posting this question. I am in the same situation! Only slightly different. My best friend was dating "Pete" and we both confesed to eachother that we liked a guy in our class "Dave" well dave found out and we had this big plan that i won't get into. it's really hard now because "sarah" dumped her boyfriend who she says she loved and is dating dave. I have to sit back and watch my two friends date when i really like dave.I guess the worst part is how flirty he is with everyone, mostly when she isn't around, so that when she's not at school i feel like he likes me again, because he did admitt that he liked me... It's just really hard but I know how bad I am sometimes at doing what I want, so reading the replys helped me so much. I can see where you are coming from and I just want you to know that you shouldn't feel bad, or guilty. There is nothing wrong with how you feel. You can't help it at all! Just remember that friends are so much more important than guys are, friends can be forever. That's what I tell myself...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): I'm in this same situation; except for I met my friend's boyfriend at the same time she met him, and we're friends as well... It's not like I met her boyfriend as her boyfriend, and I've liked him for months; I liked him BEFORE they started going out together...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): hello, i have been in the same situation myself, except that i fell for my sister's ex, although i do think it is a bit different as your best friend is stil with him. I think the best thing to do would be try not to get so drunk that you spill the beans as this may cause you to loose both of them as friends, also you do not want to carry on an affiar behind you back as you have been friends with her for so long. At the moment i think the only option you have is to put your feelings aside and think of your friends happiness. However, if you can no longer do this or sense a feeling that he to may like you then you must tell your friend, i mean i know theres a chance she will be upset with you but if you are honest then thats the best thing. When i told my sister she was more annoyed that i had not told her in the beginning. Explain to her that you cannot help who you fall for and make her understand that you do not wish to do anything about it (while she is still with him at least) but you just wanted to be honest with her. If you do tell her you must also accept the fact that she may not trust you arround her boyfriends again
Hope i helped x x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm sorry to hear that happened to you.
that's exactly the mess i don't want to find myself in - thank you for telling me what i needed to hear.
x
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female
reader, chirpychicken +, writes (18 April 2007):
 Hi,
Can I just say that I can give you advice from the other side. I was the one who got cheated on. My (now ex) Best friend liked my (now ex) boyfriend and she told him how she felt on a drunken night out and it turned into a full blown affair. she got pregnant with his child, he never told me then she had his baby and i found out 5 months after the baby was born. My bf never wanted to split up with me he just used her as a bit on the side and now all our friends have fallen out with her and he has not gone back to her he moved abroad. you will probably end up on very alone and not get the man and lose him & your mate. so No it doesnt always work. and you will probably end up worse off. nobody will understand the reasons why you did waht you did. I know you cant help who you love but this is your best friend hun and you cannot do this to her...I felt (and still feel) completely destroyed! If you seriously care for your friend...keep your distance and find somebody that you can have. don't go after the one thing that makes your best friend so happy and destroy her like i am...it will crush her to lose you and her fella to this!! please make the right decision.
hope you sort things out. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Hi,
Can I just say that I can give you advice from the other side. I was the one who got cheated on. My (now ex) Best friend liked my (now ex) boyfriend and she told him how she felt on a drunken night out and it turned into a full blown affair. she got pregnant with his child, he never told me then she had his baby and i found out 5 months after the baby was born. My bf never wanted to split up with me he just used her as a bit on the side and now all our friends have fallen out with her and he has not gone back to her he moved abroad. you will probably end up on very alone and not get the man and lose him & your mate. so No it doesnt always work. and you will probably end up worse off. nobody will understand the reasons why you did waht you did. I know you cant help who you love but this is your best friend hun and you cannot do this to her...I felt (and still feel) completely destroyed! If you seriously care for your friend...keep your distance and find somebody that you can have. don't go after the one thing that makes your best friend so happy and destroy her like i am...it will crush her to lose you and her fella to this!! please make the right decision.
hope you sort things out. xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): I also found this site because I've currently experienced the same situation. The advice in the last post is the best you can follow here, and you shouldn't worry about feeling guilty, if you are 100% never going to do anything then there is no shame in feeling the way you do, there are many who would say it's the sign of a bad friend, but it happens - you can't help the way you feel, and as long as you are honorable about it there it no need to feel any guilt. Because honestly thinking about something and then actually doing it are two completely different things.
It might also help to picture yourself going out with him before he had met your best friend...can you see you and him as a genuine couple, or is this the more likely scenario that you like someone more because they are "off-limits"?
I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but "this too will pass", and you will eventually be able to admire him in a non-romantic way and be happy for your friend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): The reason why I stumbled across this site was because I find myself in the same situation right now. I have been in denial for a couple of weeks about the feelings I have for my best friend's boyfriend. It's really hard to see them together and I wish that instead of walking her home at night, he'd walk me home. But that's not the case and I have to be happy for them. Even if it ends up not working out for them, I still love my friend too much to risk our friendship by pursuing a relationship with this guy. And since we (me and her boyfriend) are friends too, that's another relationship that I just won't risk. There are plenty of things you can learn from the situation. Recognize the reasons why you like him and just channel that into friendly admiration. Let your friend know she's got a great guy. If you find it hard to be around them, spend time with other friends. Distancing yourself from them (not too much, but enough) will give you time to put things in perspective and get back to your fabulous and fun-loving ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your reply. it was nice to hear.
x
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female
reader, cd206 +, writes (10 April 2007):
 I've been in this situation more times than I care to remember and the only thing I could really tell you about it is that eventually I decided that I loved my friend more than I cared anbout myself and it gradually became easier to ignore her boyfriend. If you're worried about spilling your secrets when you're drunk then don't get drunk. You don't need to drink to have a good time.
CD
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