A
male
age
41-50,
*okeley82xbm
writes:Its' been about 4 years since my last proper relation ship, the previous girlfriend messed me around so much I've lost all confidence and self meaning I had and cannot even talk to women anymore and until 6 months ago had a seriouse drink problem, I'm over the drink now but the previous experiences still play on my mind and I think it's destroyed my chances of ever having a relationship.I've been going to the gym latley (past 3 weeks) and am getting into shape well but still have problems talking to women without getting pissed and speaking my mind, and it always ends in disaster because I end up talking about how much I hate my ex etc... please is there any advice or hypnotist that can make me forget my previous relationship?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): you are on the right track now but need to get closure on what has happened to you before. Concelling may help. The fact that you recognise the problem means that you are starting to get your head round it and deal with it.try to just talk to women as other human beings, be natural and yourself - without thinking of anything beyond friendship and gain confidence this way. You will be ok.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): First of all, congratulations on the positive changes you are making in your life! Getting sober and getting in shape are tough things to do so kudos on putting those pieces of your life back together. It's hard to get over someone you had strong feelings for in the past, but I think you've already made a great breakthrough in getting your life back together. Concentrate on your goals of getting in shape and staying sober and women can come into play once you've straightened some other things out. It's normal to think about your exes a lot but with time, you'll be able to have a clear headed view of your last relationship. But when you do think of your ex DON'T TALK ABOUT HER. It scares women away. If you start dating someone the time will come when you will talk about past relationships but don't jum into it right away. Just have fun getting to know the women you date. It's important to realize, they don't want to date your past, they want to date you.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Hi,
forget about a hypnotist for a start.
Focus on the good things that have happened in your life lately.
One, you have stopped drinking. This is a major breakthrough. Two , you are going to the gym and getting in shape, another sign that you are determined to turn your life around.
I think you have already started on the healing process by taking the destructive elements out of your life. Make sure you never touch the booze again, there's no bigger turn off for a girl than a guy who drinks too much.
But I would suggest counselling as there are no guarantees that once you get back into the dating world everything will run smoothly. For a start you are carrying a lot of emotional baggage around with you, this is a hard one for a girl to deal with so you need to find a way to deal with your past and leave it in the past. Life is full of upsets and disappointments, everyone has them, it's a case of you dealing with them without falling off the rails.
My suggesting is try and get to know a few girls as friends rather than as potential partners, learn to communciate with them in a platonic way then you can build up some confidence when you are ready to hit the dating world again.
And finally, never mention the ex, if she comes into your head think of a STOP sign and keep it in your head until the bad thought passes away. There is no bigger turn off for a new girlfriend than a guy whinging about his ex.
Good luck.
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