A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How happy I was to think that I had finally found love at the age of 40! I have Multiple Sclerosis and he said it didn't matter; I repeatedly tried to push him away but he kept coming back. He is a retired policeman who has PTSD and BiPolar and takes absolutely no meds. He is also the superintendant of my building. We were friends first and he even helped me move in the beginning (prior to my making the mistake of moving to the building where he lives and works.) I sent him a check for $350. That check he didn't want to keep but I insisted. Little by little we got closer until it became romantic on in 2010. I cooked for him regularly (with food I purchased) and often treated when we went out in an effort to show him how much I loved and appreciated him. He made comments about my double chin, my weight, how hot the other women were in the building and in the management office, even once commented on how if he put a camera in the shower of the bathroom next to the pool area next to the building he could "see the hot women in the building naked!" We were holding hands at the time and it was less than 2 hours after Church. I lost it...yes, lost it...there were witnesses and of course I look like the one who is irrational.I cannot afford to move at this point and am a little afraid of him. I have prayed he get offered a great job far from here but after 7 months of this (and feeling sick everytime I leave my apartment) I am losing hope. He actually told me that he told a waitress in a restaurant we used to frequent that we parted ways and when asked why he told me that he told her "I told her that you have MS, lots of health issues and mood swings." Who knows how many people he is telling this but it is he who has the mood swings and I begged him to look into medications or counselling. He repeatedly refused and each time would become angrier with me and say more unkind things.He seemed to be a mature man with a shaved head, husky in build and unique looks, now I see him as old, bald, fat and ugly. He made me feel worthless and while I know I am not worthless, I cannot tell anyone that he has a camera in the lobby where he eavesdrops on people, he would kill me. It is also a common area so it is considered legal.How do I tip off the management company without risking my life? I believe in positivity but right now it is so difficult. He has taken away ever single bit of faith I had left in men.What should I do? I believe he has a tap on my line and he had admitted that he spied on his ex-wife while they were together with a tap on the phone. There may be a camera also, as I saw the "spy" catalog in his apartment and there were things that he knew without my telling him. Earlier his son got married and he picked a fight with me (that I still don't understand) and never actually invited me but I was positive that he was going to since he kept talking about the wedding. I bought a dress but no invite. We didn't talk for 2 months and actually made up (I was stupid.) When I asked why he didn't invite me he told me "We don't have that kind of relationship." We went to church every Sunday for 9 months.There are no words to properly express how much I truly hate this disgusting and horrible excuse or a man. Did I mention he is a gun collector? He was so incredibly sweet in the beginning, so kind, so gentle, it was all an act. This excuse for a human being has to be the devil, there is no other excuse.
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ex-wife, his ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (8 April 2012):
 Well, original poster, you are not hearing what I am saying.
there is WELFARE, GOVERNMENT HOUSING, etc.
apply to them, you definitely qualify
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): Can you tell your church friends or leaders? Churches are supposed to be caring communities to provide social support. I mean one ofbtheir missions is to provide social support tobpeople in the community and to each other in the congregation. I would advise you to start there. Tell someone. At least you will have some people on your side and who will be compassionate. They may even be able to help you logistically like help you find a new place or at the very least you have access to a network of people who should be caring and supportive. Don't go it alone. You don't have to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the very excellent advice and yes, there are tears streaming down my face as I type. I am touched when human beings care enough about other human beings to actually take the time to express their thoughts in the written word. Yes, I must remember the good and bad and perhaps in retrospect my making reference to him as the devil was a bit wrong. Yes, his conditions need to be treated just as my MS. When I think about this I feel sad and guilty (stupid, I guess) because I feel like this man needs my patience and kindness and I should be able to forgive everything since his disability is just that, a disability. This see-saw has to end though and we no longer speak so this should be the end of it. I need somethings fixed in my apartment but I will deal with it. As far as my moving, thank you for your response as well but it took me 10 months of living in motels and a winter rental near the beach before finding this place. I do not use a wheelchair (thankgoodness) but cannot climb stairs and can no longer drive. Finding this place and catching it before the rent became even worse (higher) was a miracle. There are 2 elevators and I am near to the bus and train and there is a ramp if I take the back entrance. These are factors that are so very important for my survival. Yes, if I heard this story from someone I would wonder, "why doesn't she just move?" Please know that is just a dream and that part of my getting involved with him stems from the fact that my "friends" were not there for me when I needed them and my family (brother's disability is severe and must pretend for mom's sake that I am fine since she has been suicidal and she completely lost it when dad passed from ALS) is not able to help me at all. He seemed to be the answer to my prayers. I am sorry too ramble. Seriously, thank you all for being so lovely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): you are not alone - lots of people find that initially when they get into a new romantic relationship their partner is so enamored with them in the beginning and so perfect and then over time changes completely and starts mistreating them and being contemptuous of them.
So, you are not alone in what you're experiencing. It's very common. No it's not normal, but it's common. It's not normal meaning it's not what a psychologically healthy person would do in a healthy relationship, but it's common because there are a LOT of unstable people out there, and they like anyone else do go out and fall in love and start romantic relationships and in the beginning are on their best behavior but as they get more into the relationship they lose their inhibitions and their unresolved serious mental issues come out. there is also something about intimate relationships that brings out the worst fears and insecurities in people, and thus their worst behaviors.
He also has untreated PTSD and Bipolar so it's very obvious that he has got serious unresolved issues. Would anyone tell a cancer patient that he doesn't need to see a doctor he can deal with it on his own and it will not affect him? Would anyone tell you that you dont' need to do anything about your Multiple Sclerosis and it will magically go away or not have any effect on you without you having to make effort to manage it? or course not. Yet some people like him, with mental illness, seem to think that they are the exception and don't need to get treated and can still live normal lives. Well yeah they can live normal lives - as long as they do not involve anyone else coming into close contact with them!!
I would advise you not to fall into the trap of seeing this guy in a black-and-white manner. People are complex, no one is all good or all bad. No that doesn't mean that you have to accept this, or course not. But it could help you to process and heal from your hurt.
I would advise you to simply stop talking to him, and stop having contact with him. You made a mistake in getting involved with him, it's not your fault, now you know that he is just someone who is not fit to be in any relationship with any woman. You will find another man, one who does not have such serious unresolved issues. Move on. You're experiencing the pain of a break up which is a normal part of life, everyone goes through that at some point in their lives. He has already told various people that you two are not together so he's done the breaking up for you. All you have to do is go along with it.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (6 April 2012):
I am sorry to hear that, but there are ways to move out. There is government assistance, cutting the fat out of your budget, etc. if you are too scared to do anything.
Just leave, seriously, not difficult.
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