A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen in love and had a 1 yr affair with a married 53 yr. old man that has been married for 18 years and has 2 kids (17 and 13yrs). I didn't know he was married until 6mo into the relationship. He claims that he is madly in love with me and cannot stop thinking about me, he thinks about me "200 times per day". We have taken many "business trips" together and have been intimate with one another on many occasions. I have gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage once already. I have asked him on many occasions to make a commitment to me and he beats around the bush. Just recently we had a falling out b/c I got pregnant again and asked him to stick around, love me and the baby. What happened is he got scared,ran off, and blamed me. He quotes, "i am not the criminal here". I got hurt and vowed never to speak to him again (but gee I miss him alot). Just a couple of days ago he left a rose on my car windowshield and love letters in my email-I am confused! I called his wife a told her everything..just was not shocked but quotes, "I cannot help that my husband loves you. I wish you could accept what he claims at face value, and the only thing that I hope at this time is that the baby is OK." Is this a typical response of a married woman with a cheating husband? What is going on here, I am very confused, scarred, and hurt! Is there anyone out there that can help me? What should I do next?
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 This guy is unforgivable. He's just enjoying the free love, affection, and sex that he's getting outside of marriage, without a modicum of responsibility.What bothers me is that this guy can get you pregnant and watch you have a miscarriage, watch you get pregnant again, back out by denying responsibility, then come back with flowers and love letters. How irresponsible can you get? If he were a confused 19-year old youth it might be a bit more understandable, but 53?! This man is so selfish that it's unbelievable. You've got to dump him as fast as you can. There's nothing that this jerk is ever going to do for you.
A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (27 April 2008):
This guy is unforgivable. He's just enjoying the free love, affection, and sex that he's getting outside of marriage, without a modicum of responsibility.What bothers me is that this guy can get you pregnant and watch you have a miscarriage, watch you get pregnant again, back out by denying responsibility, then come back with flowers and love letters. How irresponsible can you get? If he were a confused 19-year old youth it might be a bit more understandable, but 53?! This man is so selfish that it's unbelievable. You've got to dump him as fast as you can. There's nothing that this jerk is ever going to do for you.
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A
male
reader, gayuncleandy  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 You know you are making yourself available to an unavailable man. Stop lying to yourself would be a start, and then start being kind to yourself (and him) by stopping seeing him altogether, no matter what. After this, you will be in a situation to more clearly see your future. There will be much more heartache if you continue with him. Watch out!
There is a good path to choose, choose well and reap the rewards.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 You need to talk and discuss with him about your baby and your future.
If he is off no help , then you would need to handle it all by yourself..
You have to decide if you want to keep the baby or not.
Don't rush , take your time to come to a decision because you may make a wrong decision if you made in haste.
Be calm and don't panic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Listen you need to wake and realise thatthis guy is a scammer and a fool..but first I have a couple of questions for you...why would you think he is going to commit to you and your child when he cant eve show commitment to the wife and children he already has?Why would you want a man who is cheater and a liar?Why didn't you get out as SOON as you found out he was married?Why do you keep getting pregnant to this man?Why is your self esteem so low that you give yourself to a man who is not in a position to share his life or sexuality with you?Why do you not feel worthy enough to find a man your age who is free to commit and love you and start a family (if thats what you want)Sorry to sound harsh but what you are doing is unacceptable...it shows a lack of morals compassion and even intelligence...I feel if you look within you may find some of the answers to your problem...best of luck/...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): In all honesty, it doesn't sound like this man cares about you as much as you care about him. If he did, he wouldn't have fun off and left you the first time you got pregnant. Most men in situations like these, don't end up leaving their wives for the other woman. I'm sure that this woman had to have had a clue that her husband was cheating on her and your phone call probably didn't come as a surprise. It's also pointless to get mad at the "other" woman because you are not really to blame. Her husband was the one that cheated on her. She has no reason to be angry with you or hate you and I'm very glad that she is blaming the right person. However, I'm fairly certain that he will not leave his wife of 18 years for a woman he's been having an affair with for a year. It is difficult for a man to leave his entire life behind. Most men have affairs to escape from that life for a while and live a fantasy; however, he doesn't want to start a new life with you. You're so young and his life is winding down. I don't know what to tell you about the baby. You can have it, but there is a chance that he's not going to leave his wife for you and your baby. He might do the right thing and pay child support, but you will most likely be raising this child on your own. I really hope everything works out for you and that I am wrong and that he does the right thing. Good luck dear!
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