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I'm pregnant and my husband is talking to a woman. Its making me sick

Tagged as: Friends, Marriage problems, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 May 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 10 June 2018)
A female Hong Kong age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I just found out my husband chat with his friend. He said he is a changes man now, not going to dark places anymore since he get to know a woman in the past. She adviced and changed him. I know he isnt talking about me. We have been dating for almost a decade before we marry. I dont know who the woman he is talking about.

I asked him who the woman he is talking about. He said he just said that to open new conversation topic with his friend. He said man talks shit when they have a chat. I dont trust him. I know somthing is up to. Maybe its just in the past. But i feel so uncomfortable. Im pregnant with our first child and since i know this my health is deteriorated. I get stomach ulcer from this stress. He said i think too much and shouldnt be like that.

Since we dating we rarely spent time together as he has many excuses to avoid date. Like he is busy working. I know he sometimes just made up excuses and actually go out with his friends. Now we are married we still rarely spent time together as we have different schedule and he is busy with his work. I cant trust him. I think he still go out with his friends without me knowing. He has friends that give him bad influence, most of them are divorced and playboy. I feel he changed since being friends with them.

Im weaker day by day because of this stress and he thinks im overreacting that all pregnant woman is kinda sick.

View related questions: divorce

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2018):

God bless wise owl for trying to bring loving people around you.

He understands how important bringing a child into the world is.

My heart goes out to you because you put in ten years of affection into your relationship before you got to where you are now.

Your best bet would be to talk to your husband and let him know that you are finding the way he acts at the moment very stressful and this is bad for the baby and for you both.

You have assumed you are not the woman he has been speaking about but I feel you may be wrong.

I think he was speaking of you.

Of course you have changed him in ten years and naturally now that your pregnant he wants to keep certain people away from the home!

Life is different with a new life on board and not a time to dwell on suspicions.

Nor is it a time to develop ulcers.

You need calm and peacefulness in your life.

Its more like riding a wave than it is fighting a storm.

Set the frame of mind that you need and talk to your doctor and midwife about your current health conditions including anxiety and ulcers and husband because your frame of mind and physical health is very important.

They will provide practical advice and help for you.

Also meeting other pregnant mums can be very beneficial so go to prenatal classes and take hubby along to any that allow men to attend.

Encourage a higher level of emotional maturity from your husband.

Apparently some women yell all kind of things at their partner while birthing, but you dont have to.

You can bring the child into a peaceful life if you want but it appears to be that anything goes when the peak of labour is happening

Your husband may actually faint at that moment because apparantly it knocks some men out so involve him and prepare him now when he's conscious and can take it in.

And dont allow minor worries to push you apart after ten years of togetherness.

Practice communicating and getting along so that when baby arrives you can relate to each other and the child.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (21 May 2018):

You need someone who has a little time to sit and chat with you during the day, to keep you calm. You have to see your doctor about the ulcers and anxieties you experience. You are pregnant; so being hormonal, you will be very emotional. That's natural.

It's neither right nor natural, for your husband to be out carousing and running with his friends; leaving you alone, upset, and pregnant.

Is your mother, sister, aunt, or your grandmother able to keep you company; and give you loving female-advice? Do you get along with your mother-in-law?

Going through your first pregnancy is going to be, and should be, a scary and wonderful experience. Your husband is falling in-line with other men; and it is apparent he doesn't have sympathy for your condition. You know how men in many cultures are; they can do whatever they want, and answer to nobody. That's why you draw closer to the women in your family to guide you, comfort you, and to have someone to talk to.

Distancing yourself from your family leaves you stranded and alone like this. No one can support and advise you; if you've pushed your family away for a man they have never liked. If that is the case, it is time you mend fences with your family. Your pride has to be put aside. You need them!

If you left your family in another country; consider leaving and returning home.

You are not overreacting; your hormones are going crazy and you may have married the wrong man. You've devoted much of your life to him; but maybe you married him for the wrong reasons; or just to provide grandchildren for your parents.

Whatever; you need to focus on you, the baby, and your health. Not him for right now. Once the baby is born and healthy; you can decide what to do about your marriage. For now, it is all about YOU and the baby.

God bless you, and give you guidance and comfort.

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