A
female
age
51-59,
*ethsheba
writes:Hi all... I am married to my hubby now for almost 3 years, I am and have never been sexually attracted to him. One thing that really gets to me is that he is not circumsized, I have never been with a guy that has not been circumsized before. Don't get me wrong, he is very clean on his body and is also very aware of the fact that I can't stand it. We were seperated 2 years ago, this was one of the reasons besides the fact that he is not a mans-man and cannot hold down a decent conversation, he is dyslexic and does not stimulate me mentally either. He is good to me and my kids but I can't stand having sex with him, he does not turn me on at all, when he walks through the door, my heart drops. I became a christian 2years ago and know that God hates divorce. In the meantime I have met someone else and I am completely drawn to him, he is also a good christian and nothing has happened between us but, when he is around me I want to burst. What do I do?
View related questions:
christian, divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): i think your issue here shouldn't be about God, although yes, in the christian books divorce isn't an approved practice.
however it seems here you have issues with your husband which almost seem like pet peeves. if you really loved him, shouldn't you try to be more accepting of those peeves? unless of course your tolerance level for them has reached zero.
anyhow, my boyfriend isn't always a mans-man, and yes sometimes i wish he were more of one. but i've decided i shouldn't expect him to behave in a way that i want. if i really want somebody like that, then i should look elsewhere.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): I know that we are not supposed to belittle others here, and what I have to say is not like that even if it might sound so. That being said, if you are that turned off by foreskin then convert to the Hebrew faith, that way any guy you find at church will be circumcised and won't offend your delicate sensibilities.Secondly, get a grip on your belief in GOD. The idea that God hates divorce is nothing more than a medieval myth promoted by the Catholic church in order to create more Catholics. This is the same rationalization they used for God hates Condoms. Thank Him that they have finally come to their senses and admitted the lie so that their dedicated followers can stop throwing their genitalia and their lives on the crap table called AIDS.Thirdly, I would have to say that it sounds like this guy is giving it his all to you and your kids. It sounds like you used him as an immediate fix to provide a father for your children. In fact, this whole scenario sounds like nothing more that you are shallow (can't accept the man you have chosen for who and how he is), narcissistic ( its all about ME! ME! ME!), and morally ambiguous (you pay lip service to Christianity, while picking up on men at church.)In conclusion maybe you should do some research into religion itself. Start by googling the movie Zeitgeist. Pay close attention to the first part that talks about the "Sun Myth." Then take some time to really meditate and try to find God within yourself. You really don't need some idol or intercessor to talk to God. If it seems presumptuous, just remember: The Bible does not come right out and say that God hates divorce, but it does plainly say that God does love whores too.Have a nice day :-)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Hi sweetheart, may I please just offer my opinion that some of the other "advice" offered by my fellow DC users is deplorable. The point of this website is to offer advice to people with sensitive problems, not to judge them based on their posts, or make fun of them, am I correct?But your problem...let's not dwell on past mistakes, let's look forward. Regardless of your opinion on circumcision (it's personal preference, but I feel you may be using this subconsciously as something tangible to dislike about him) you need to make some decisions. Obviously we're not completely aware of the situation...is divorce a shameful thing to your family and friends? Or is this a self-imposed thing so you don't have to face making a bad decision? You can love God a serve Jesus a whole lot better while you are happy, which you obviously aren't in this marriage. Would God prefer you to honour an old tradition or serve him the best way you possibly can? But you must make sure you leave your husband because you are not compatible, not to be with the man you are currently attracted to. Wait until you are single and let things progres from there. Create some independace for yourself, so you don't feel like you are relying on your husband, and therefore in some way indebted to him, then set yourself and your kids up, and organise visiting with their father. Good Luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 Sincerely Yours, you're right :-). God loves circumcised men.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Okay.Religion is a massive commitment and it takes genuine faith to believe.But you say that you have this.So... God 'hates' divorce.So... you turn to the website dearcupid.org for its collective opinion.I'm not religious myself, but i'm fairly sure dearcupid.org isn't higher than God?...is it??Put simply, if you Are religious, no amount of multiple 'second opinions' would make you do something which- in YOUR religion; your God HATES.However, if you are not really of the beliefs which you have based your question upon; divorce is fine, and perhaps you will both find your way to happiness.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): He doesn't mentally OR physically stimulate you... How did you even end up together?
Please, end it with this man. Not for your sake, but for his.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): God hates divorce? Does he really? As a Christian you should be familiar with these words:
Proverbs 6:16-20
16These six things the Lord hates, indeed, seven are an abomination to Him:
17A proud look [the spirit that makes one overestimate himself and underestimate others], a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,(A)
18A heart that manufactures wicked thoughts and plans, feet that are swift in running to evil,
19A false witness who breathes out lies [even under oath], and he who sows discord among his brethren.
20My son, keep your father's [God-given] commandment and forsake not the law of [God] your mother [taught you].
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Omg.. seriously? He's not even CIRCUMSIZED?? wow. What a poor excuse for a man! God LOVES circumsized men.
------------------
Honey.. I think you should seek counselling.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (21 August 2009):
 Proverbs 6:16 (on the subject of the Lords hate)
(on the subject of the post)
I too am wondering how on earth you two got married. Was it an arranged marriage? You lived together for only one year and you have Kids (plural). Are they from a previous marriage. This is all very confusing.
So you are living apart and he is supporting you. It sounds like a pretty one sided pseudo marriage. What does he get out of the relationship?
In my opinion a divorce would not be ending any real marriage. unless there is more to the picture than you are letting us know.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): sorry, forgot to add. please do not make this about CHRISTIANITY, it is not. it is about your personal choices and it has nothing to do with your faith.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Dear Mods: Kindly post this to the so called "christian". i have a lot to say to her. Thank youI have no sympathy for you, from one christian to another you are not leading a christian lifestyle. you need to read the bible and "discover" what being a true cristian is all about.how dare you, it is so called "christians" like you that give the religion the bad name it has. when it is said love your brother, it does not mean fornicate with him. please re classify yourself and do not claim to be this good christian person when you are not.so what if your hb is not circumcised?you say he is not a mans man?he cannot hold a decent conversationhe is dyslexicno mental sitmulationBUT you steal his resources and finances for both you and your kids. pathetic.please re evaluate YOUR LIfe, and the pathetic wife you have become to him. you are judging him and you believe he is inferior to you and maybe your new found brothers and sisters.what in heavens name will the other christian man whom you are lusting over, say? call yourself whatever you want but do not drag the Lords name through the dirt. you are doing the most deplorable thing, hoodwinking your man, yet you think nothing of wanting to get it on with the other good christian man. you need to seriously look at your morals and see whether you possess any integrity. what a person you have turned out to be. if you are behaving like this now, i cannot even imagine what you were like 2 years ago. there are names for good christians like you, it is called HYPOCRITES. please stop being a hypocrite, expecting your husband to fund your life, expecting to pay and provide for you and your kids. do yourself and your husband a favour and divorce him. he deserves a better woman and believe me there are many decent honorable women out there that will grab him, uncircumsized and all. you believe you are superior to your husband don't you. well darling, you need to re look in the mirror and see the self pitying insecure woman staring back at you. please, stop calling yourself a christian because babes, you are so far from being one, its sickening.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (21 August 2009):
I agree with the Uncle in the convenience of divorce but, above all, in divorce being the right thing in this case, whatever your religion says about it.
On the other hand, I can't but question you a little. It seems to me that you have always thought your husband isn't much of a man, but, these days, you've added the fact that he is not a Christian. It seems to me that he is not any less than you only because he doesn't share your beliefs. And then, it also seems like you want to justify the divorce on the grounds that he's not a Christian. Please recognize the fact that his not being Christian is NOT the reason why you want to divorce him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Well what the hell did you marry the poor man for? Get a divorce and spare the poor unfortunate man any further anguish.
God may hate divorce but God has no idea what a living hell a loveless marriage can be - he's never been married himself so what does he know about it?
May you burst in peace.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): I have heard that God doesn't actually HATE anything...
...............................
|
