A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm jealous of my new flatmate at university. We've been at university since saturday and already he has a girlfriend. He's so far spent all of this week doing nothing but drinking, going out and having sex. Meanwhile, nothing has really happened for me yet. I've been doing plenty of drinking and going out and having a good time, but I'm the type of person who really likes having a partner. When I'm without I turn into a green-eyed monster! It means I try too hard, drink too much and in the end just make myself miserable and that isn't something that makes a guy look very approachable. I know it's very early days, but I'm worried that my feelings of jealousy will overwhelm me and ruin any chance on finding a beautiful new partner.Can somebody please advise me?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Here's my question - it seems like you're trying to get a girlfriend by drinking a ton and going out. Now I'm not saying that can't be all well and good in university, but it's a pretty crappy way to try and find a girlfriend. She won't even remember you the next day!
I suggest getting involved with more activities on your campus. Have you thought about getting involved with your majors club? Or theater? Or volunteering? Getting a job or a work study? Anything!! And seriously, think about theater... they need ushers, big guys to lift sets, etc. And, there is a major shortage of guys in that area. A lot are gay. A lot have huge egos. So a nice guy is a hot commodity.
I think that the best bet to finding a girl is to get involved with stuff. If you're serving a function then you'll be more relaxed and more able to be yourself. And you'll find a girl who you know is solid and who you can bring to the party later that night.
Forget about your roommate! He is probably more aggressive with picking up girls, probably does when he's had plenty to drink, and he's probably not having the greatest "relationships"... probably just some great flings. He'll be stuck with hung over girls doing the walk of shame on Saturdays, while you may find a quality relationship that will sleep in with you and then make you an omelette.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Change it, don't change it, it really is up to you. But how many girls do you think ACTUALLY approach random guys? Out of 100 girls, how many do you think actually do that?
There's still a big mentality that its the guys job to approach the girl first... so you're letting a lot of girls pass you by... as well as many types of girls that may make great girlfriends, (shy girls for example nearly never approach).
Every guy feels fear to some degree or another when approaching a random stranger, but the more you do it, the more confident you'll get at it. Girls won't bite your head off if you try to talk to them ya know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheers for the answer.
To answer your question, most my previous partners approached me, with the exception of the most recent one which was several months ago... Is that something I should change? I don't feel all that confident approaching women at random. Admittedly, I don't because of fear. What do you think?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (22 September 2010):
Well yeh, you're right, it doesn't make you look very approachable... but why do you need to look approachable? Your flatmate probably goes out and approaches others instead of waiting around for others to come to him. It pays off, it really does.
Here's a question for ya.. your last girlfriends, when you first met, were they the ones who approached you first or were first to really put themselves out there that they liked you?
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