A
female
age
41-50,
*ollbar
writes:Found out my potential new boyfriend has a criminal conviction for theft!!. I met him online and have been chatting for over a month on the phone. We got to really like each other and planned to meet on Friday for the first time but I googled his name and the town where he lives out of interest and a photo and newspaper article came up straight away about him committing a theft and being convicted in court. I feel sick to my stomach that I was beginning to trust him and have feelings for him. Should I stop replying to his texts without explanation, should I ask him and see if he owns up? Should I still meet him and let him explain, although I know could never trust him or have a relationship with someone who had done such a horrible thing? Help me please, time is running out as I am meant to be meeting him on friday.
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female
reader, beautiful life  +, writes (22 September 2010):
You are more than welcome. Good for you! His response was proof that he was never intending for you to found out. You deserve someone who you can trust.
A
female
reader, Tollbar +, writes (22 September 2010):
Tollbar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I asked him and as predicted he wasnt happy I have found out! He said bye! Lucky escape for me I suppose, Thanks guys for all your help though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): I think im going to ask him on the phone tonight (in about half an hour!!) If I can pluck up the courage to ask him, I feel physically sick because even though I know the answer, I dont want to hear it. Was going to send a text saying that id found out about it & felt he should have told me, give him the chance to explain, be nice about it, but say that I feel I wouldnt trust him. I might bottle it though & just chat & not mention it, then text him tomorrow & say I know, im really stressing out about it. If I do ask him I will post on here what his response was. But thanks for all the replies on here everyone!
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Maybe he had a reason for doing it blackmail etc... It does all sound a bit dodgy though, go with your instincts here they are usually the right path to take.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is about your boundaries on two counts - firstly - he has not told you something pretty huge (trust issues). Secondly - he has been convicted of a criminal act. That does not make him a monster of course.... but it is important that YOU are clear about how you feel before you hear him out and then explain that trust has gone - so that he understands. Be careful that you approach this sensitively and in a safe place. Hopefully he will learn that this is important going forward into a next relationship. As this happened recently he is probably still coming to terms with it himself - has not dealt with it - so is not ready to talk about it yet. On that basis he should not be getting involved with someone yet. You'll be doing him a favour explaining where things have broken down. Leave the situation amicably if you can - I think on this occasion you will feel better for doing so.
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A
female
reader, Tollbar +, writes (22 September 2010):
Tollbar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone so much for your replies. The offence he committed was pre-meditated. He staged a burglary and reported the crime to police, when they attended, evidence was such that it was an inside job! Alarms etc had been set and re-set and security bars on doors cut from the inside, hes obviously not very intelligent either!! Goods that were taken were found at his ex partners house, I dont think I could ever trust him, would he steal from me too? It looks like it was a first offence, judging by the fact he didnt get a custodial sentence, he was given a community payback penalty, but even so, a crime is a crime and I appreciate your advice and will need to think about what I should do next. I have a young child, im divorced and certainly wouldnt want to put myself or my child at risk by dating someone with that sort of past.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 September 2010):
 Hmm, personally I would let this one go. And.. fast. This is not some boyhood stupid stunt, he did it last year while being a grown-ass man.
He may not have told you yet, because you have only known each other a month.
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A
female
reader, beautiful life +, writes (22 September 2010):
Ask him politely if there is anything that happened in his life that he feel you have a right to know about before your relationship develop into something serious. Make sure you ask in a manner that you don't appear to be suspicious. If he tells you no it isn't, I don't think it's best that you date him, because he is already starting a new relationship with a lie, and that's not fair to you. You deserve respect. Have you checked to see if he has had other convictions? The last thing you want is for him to steal while you two are in a store together.
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A
female
reader, Tollbar +, writes (22 September 2010):
Tollbar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was only last year apparently, the crime was march 2009 & he was convicted November 2009, he was 39 at the time.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 What age was he when he commited this crime??
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (22 September 2010):
I suspect your not mad at the fact hes been convicted but more mad he hasnt told you about it.
He may have wanted to tell you in his own time, although a month is a little long for confessing about things like that.
It may have been a first offence, he may have been drunk or something.
He may just want to forget about it and move on with his life. Could be lots of reasons he hasnt told you.
Give him a chance to tell you in person, he may not say it on the first meeting but I would expect if he is going to tell you it should be by the 2nd or 3rd.
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