A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently got married, and I don't have a lot of sexual experience for my age (early 30s). Although my wife has quite a bit of experience sexually, we didn't have sex before marriage because she decided awhile back to abstain until marriage.Due to my lack of experience compared to her, I'm somewhat insecure about whether or not she's satisfied with our sex life thus far. I don't have much to compare it to. Unless she's very good at faking it and she lies about it, she has about 4-6 orgasms per "round" (2-3 during oral foreplay, another 2-3 during intercourse), but we haven't done more than one "round" in a day so far. (It's only been a few weeks, and we've been doing it roughly every other day so far.) She says she's happy with it, but I still find myself wondering if it measures up to her past experiences. I don't know the details, but I do know she was in some very heavily sexual relationships in the past.Here's the question for the women: would most women be satisified with this? Is there any way to know if she's actually not satisfied even though she says she is? I realize acting insecure and asking about it constantly would be annoying, but I still can't shake this little voice in my head that keeps telling me she probably had incredible sex with her prior boyfriends, and she's not completely happy with our sex life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): I'm in a similar situation. My fiancee and I are both about 41. She abstained from sex till 30, I was married for 22 years so I had little recent expereince other than my wife. She had several intense sexual relationships since 30, with guys who experimented, were very large, etc...all things that made me wonder if I measured up, so to speak.
I often get the same lackluster response after sex. I may say "that was great sex" or something, and I almost never hear her say it was the best, or great or better than xxx, or whatever. In the past, she has said negative things about her exes, but then she has admitted to loving sex with so-and-so, so I get mixed signals. I just accepted that she may have had specific instances or sessions that were hot, and some that were not....just like us.
So I guess what I'm saying is, dont compare, because she probably isnt. I'm sure sex means a lot to her...she may just be more at ease with the act of sex, and it may make her comfortable to the point where she can look at her phone or whatever. Hell, even during sex, my GF sometimes talks about shit going on on her head like work, etc. Drives me nuts...like I'm not getting her turned on enough to think about my fucking her. Women sometimes do wierd things, and you shouldnt read into them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): OP here. Thanks for the responses.
As I think about the situation, I think part of what bothers me is that sex is a really big deal to me because I haven't done it that much before. It is really meaningful to me. But, I get the feeling that for her it just isn't that big of a deal. For example, a few days ago right after a pretty good "round" I was laying there thinking "wow, that was awesome!", but she just rolled over, picked up her iPhone, and started talking about how she was disappointed that some of her female friends gossiped, etc. After a few minutes, she turned off the iPhone and went to sleep without saying much of anything.
I have no doubt she likes the sex, but my impression is that she's done it so often with so many other men that it just doesn't mean that much to her. If you have a nice steak dinner every night for 10 years, going out to a nice restaurant for steak just isn't going to be much of a thrill, even if the food is very good. I imagine that realistically sex will eventually get somewhat "old" for me as well, so it probably won't seem like such a big deal anymore.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 4-6 to orgasms!?!? Dear god. You have nothing to worry about.
So many woman don't get an orgasm at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): It sounds like you got some good advise. Let her know you're there to do do WHATEVER she wants, but then just have fun. Explore what you like and tell her you want to enjoy just being with her. A needy man is not sexy. Enjoy yourself and be willing to help her enjoy herself. I always say - give me some direction or you get the erection! In time you'll figure out the combination. The key is to to keep it fresh. If things get too machanical, then mix it up, by telling her how she makes you feel (before you make love). write a letter, send her flowers, go somewhere special, get a hotel room. keep it fresh but always let her know she's who you love. Go get her tiger!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (18 July 2011):
 You are wondering if you COMPARE more than if you are satisfying her. You know you do.
Trust that she is happy. If she is good about speaking up about anything that is important to her, she would be comfortable with asking for more or different maneuvers.
Relax, you are doing FINE.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (18 July 2011):
Have you ever considered that your wife carefully noted the best qualities of all her past relationships and feels lucky that she chose you because only you embodied all of them?
Now relax!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 July 2011):
I know I'm a guy, so my 'experience' is from the same side as you. But I know maybe 1 thing:
- An experienced woman who knows what she likes and knows what she's doing doesn't waste time faking it! She does it for real because she knows!
What I'm saying is that you can trust her. This is a woman who knows her own body, so you do match up and she's most likely not faking. I don't think you need to worry.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 July 2011):
 A lot of women can't orgasm at all during sex. Even one orgasm should be an indication to you that she's really enjoying herself, multiple orgasms definitely means she's totally blown away. If the sex with her previous boyfriends was that good, she'd still be with them, not with you.
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