A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:well were to start really,Actually I am rather a pathetic person and very weak I think.In January this year I met a very beautiful woman on a site for language exchange we got talking I knew she was married but unhappy.he is from Ukraine and I live in Ukso I went to see her in March wow she turned up and was so beautiful I was trembling I don't know why I just was .she gave me a drink and then another well I just kissed her and that was it in to the bedroom.we have tried to maintain contact every day via Skype I met her in April and then we went on holiday together in lviv in Ukraine for 5 days in April in may we met in Kiev now the night before we met her husband found out and asked her not to go but she said no and met me at the airport and stayed the night with me in the morning she said we were sexually incompatible to which I said rubbish anyway she retracted this when I got home on the Thursday I had a message on face book no contact anymore but I couldn't stop perusing her.she skyped me and looked awful really upset I wish I had left it alone then.but things returned to normal skypeing ,f/b but she was getting caught a lot by husband .I went to see her last week again we had such a nice time but she has broken it off now on Monday saying she cant live the lies ,I am so needy I want her in my life I feel awful but we were so great together ,she has suggested we stay in touch on the site we first met and she has suggested a new Skype name she is in love with me I know she is and I love her so much .But I don't know what to do I am going to Ukraine in july shall I try and see her or go somewere else?please helpjames
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 July 2013):
 Sorry for the hiccups...
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 July 2013):
And if CG says anything about a spit roast don't worry, it's just an old family recipe.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 July 2013):
And if CG says anything about a spit roast don't worry, it's just an old family recipe.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 July 2013):
Hey James, what say you host, a BBQ at, your villa? Our wonderful aunt Irish has done a disappearing act and we need a place . Now a villa sounds damn ideal to me...what say?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi everyone ,
I will take your advice I feel like a stupid little boy instead of a man lol.
I was going to go to my villa but have decided to go to turkey instead .
I gave this woman $1500 to come to uk that's about 5 months wage to her you know what.... she gave me the whole lot back.i do understand what you say about her being a cheater that was always in the back of my mind .
thanks a lot
james
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I would
a. go no contact with her
b. not go to the Ukraine if you can help it
c. cut all contact with her.
several reasons...
1. she is married
2. she is a cheater
3. she is a liar.
so let me ask you even if she does leave her husband for you (which she will not or she would have done it already) or if he leaves her (a possibility because she is a liar and a cheater) what will you do when YOU get with her.
will it be long distance? how will that work?
will you ever trust her when she's not with you?
what about the first time she hides her phone or her computer from you? will you think she has another man on the side much like she had you? OF COURSE YOU WILL and iwth good cause...
run now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys,Thank you all for really getting my head back where it belongs,I really did fall in love with her its a shame but your all right I'm going to not talk or think about her(I will try) I will exercise more I wont return to Ukraine this month instead I will go to my Villa in Mallorca.I am sorry for the lack of respect I showed her husband but he didn't care about her and how many times have we herd this .Its true he was staying out all night drinking etc anyway he [is a boxing trainer] lol I don't know what would have happened if we had me I'm pretty handy myself but I really don't want to get in to this situation.so its all over and a win win situation.thank you
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (4 July 2013):
James,
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with your situation. But you know what the right thing to do is. You need to stop communicating with her. You need to do, is keep yourself active with thoughts of other important people or things in your life.
Do what is good for you! Not her! You are way more important than destroying yourself for someone who is not committed to you.
Cheers
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): You are traveling between countries to be with another man's wife.
You are so in love that it doesn't matter what he thinks?
Do you know the risk you are taking by blatantly violating this man's marriage; and what possible harm could come to either of you under such an emotionally-charged situation?
People have lost their lives for less!
This woman is putting this man through an emotional wringer; and possibly playing you with the intent to eventually extort you for money. That is usually the motive behind these ridiculous scenarios. What if she gets pregnant? You have no rights.
You obviously have the disposable income to travel frequently back and forth. Even after she told you that you are sexually incompatible with her. She only retracted the comment; because you've gone for the bait. You're certifiably smitten.
Aside from that, what type of character do you have that you just decide you must have a married woman? Doesn't she have to divorce her husband first? Do they come as a package?
You even have the gall to ask the aunts to condone your blatant disregard for this woman's marriage, by advising you how to properly approach committing adultery?
Really???
Sir, men like you have been set up by women in foreign countries to place you in situations that can be costly,
dangerous, and can also get you incarcerated in a foreign jail. I find it extremely suspicious that her husband has handled this so calmly. That is what makes it all the more dangerous for you.
Please stop and direct your romantic interests toward available single women. You're not in love. You're wrapped up in the intrigue and high on endorphins.
If you plan to write a romance novel or soap opera, you now have the material. Now end the affair before something terrible happens.
Continue at your own risk, and hope Ukrainian laws are not too lenient when it comes to crimes of passion.
Your obsession with this woman is self-destructive and foolish. Not to mention how hurtful it is to her husband. I have no words for her. They aren't appropriate to print.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Let me be direct and to the point:
Just because you have feelings for someone, doesn't give you the right to ruin her marriage. She made a vow when she got married, and she needs to either live up to it or end it. What you're not respecting is the guy she's married to. Both of you are incredibly selfish, and at least respect the guy enough to get her to end it and let him move on. He deserves someone who's going to respect him and make him happy...
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A
female
reader, babyzbird +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Hello James,You're making a big mistake. Chasing after married women is asking for drama, stress, and heart-break. OK, let's just say (even though she will NOT) she ended the marriage with her husband and you two became a couple. What makes you think she will stay loyal to you? She cheated on her husband with a stranger (she didn't know you back then) and then refused to listen to him once he told her to stop seeing you. So once you become a couple she WIll cheat on you and then when you do find out and tell her to stop she will say no and do it anyway. Why would you want a women like that? What do you even like about her? Her beauty? Is that it? Her personality sounds horrible! Let her husband have this cheating no-good wife. Now that (I hope) I got the point across that she is a horrible person (and you really do deserve better) I hope you understand that you have no future with her. She will not leave her husband for you. She is not available for you (unless you just wanted to sleep with her). If you were smart you would stop the contact, you will go somewhere else, and figure out why and how you got yourself into such a mess in the first place. There're plenty of women who are beautiful, available, and LOYAl. She is not one of them. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 July 2013):
 James, you know full well that no matter what we say or what we advise, you're going to go see her when you go to Ukraine. Wild horses couldn't drag you from her doorstep unless you were somehow knocked unconscious for your entire stay there.
The real question I'm guessing you're wrestling is either how to get her or how to get her out of your mind. All I can say is -- she is married. For as long as you want her, you will be in pain. If you make the right decision and cut off the relationship, you'll likewise be in pain, but that pain at least has an end to it.
My guess is that you will do the right thing once you return to your senses. No more obsession and don't even think about doing anything extreme.
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