A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Im divorcing my husband. We've been married for 22 years and have a daughter. Our marriage has up and down and I've been trying very hard to save it. It's so painful to make the decision to end it. At 45 I suddenly realised life is too short I want to change my life. My divorce is almost done after many times been to the court. It's stresssful emotionally and finanically. And I am with this man 18 years older than me for a year. I thought I am lucky to find love again. I am happy with him. He always says he loves me and be there for me. A year on then I realise I am not capable to love again. I really want to move on and love again. I am feeling so frustrated. Please help.
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female
reader, AnnaW219 +, writes (18 November 2007):
 maybe you do love him but you are scared to face the facts of what life will bring it will go well for you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): Hi Love,
I felt just the same when my marriages broke up love, And I think your guarding your heart as you dont want to feel that pain again, as this is how I dealt with it I did not realise I was doing it untill my fiance told me to let him in and it scared me to death.
But with alot of patience and understanding on his part I have come through and its so nice to relax with the feeling of being able to love again, Im 45 as well love, You will be able to love again give it time you have been through a bad time give your heart time to heal TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH MUCH LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (16 November 2007):
 Of course you can find love. I see people finding new love twice your age. The question I have is how long did you go between your divorce and this new guy? Did you give yourself enough time to breathe and collect yourself? This is going to be hard to hear, but most psychologists say you should give yourself a year before dating after a divorce, in a year’s time you are more emotionally straightened out and can enter a healthy loving relationship.
If you feel you have to date, then date just to date, not to find love. Get out there and make friends, not worrying about the big L word.
I’m in the middle of settling a divorce myself so I know how you feel. Right now I'm not even dating. After I sign the divorce papers I will officially date with peace of mind, but then not looking to get into a serious relationship.
Lets say you do find a nice guy you can hang your hat on....go out with him, be friends, but keeps things even. Tell him you like him but need some time for yourself …then split for awhile, keep his number locked away, if it was meant to be he’ll still be there.
In your situation you’re probably saying wait a minute I was divorced more than a year ago....well the same time off of a year applies....You have to give yourself that year, even if you delay in doing it.
So to sum up what I’m saying, don’t worry about your capacity to love for a while. Give yourself that time off you need. Yes life is short. But there are just some things that can’t be rushed. Good luck in your life, and heed what I say.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 November 2007):
 Go to a psychologist. What you are experiencing is called blocks, or red flags. Our brains enable protection from elements known to cause harm. In your marriage you had a hard time at love, and a difficult time trying to salvage the little bit your had. What you need to do is eliminate these blocks. One way to do so is (1) forgive yourself for not having the ability to make your marriage work (2) forgive your ex for any pain he cause you. Remember when some marriage don't work, not because of you, who you are or what you tried to do. It takes two to make a marriage work or fail. If you're trying you still have to have the other half reciprocating your efforts and working along with you.
What happens is when you feel guilty about it not working our brain sends a trigger and to protect your feelings, you may have developed a fear of what your going through repeating its self, therefore until these issues are worked through you may only be able to bring your emotions to a certain level.
I wish you luck, take care.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 November 2007):
Go to a psychologist. What you are experiencing is called blocks, or red flags. Our brains enable protection from elements known to cause harm. In your marriage you had a hard time at love, and a difficult time trying to salvage the little bit your had. What you need to do is eliminate these blocks. One way to do so is (1) forgive yourself for not having the ability to make your marriage work (2) forgive your ex for any pain he cause you. Remember when some marriage don't work, not because of you, who you are or what you tried to do. It takes two to make a marriage work or fail. If you're trying you still have to have the other half reciprocating your efforts and working along with you.
What happens is when you feel guilty about it not working our brain sends a trigger and to protect your feelings, you may have developed a fear of what your going through repeating its self, therefore until these issues are worked through you may only be able to bring your emotions to a certain level.
I wish you luck, take care.
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