A
female
age
51-59,
* only want to be happy
writes:I thought I had the perfect boyfriend. Yes he's been married twice but he has always appeared genuine and loving and he has been very good to me. He was my knight in shining armour, he swept me off my feet after a very abusive relationship. I have two children, work full time and struggle to hold things together. He has been my rock.He has a very active social life and is a member of a private sports club. I have been made to feel fairly welcome but there has always been one woman who has been avasive. I watched her one night as she was snogging another member of the club (he is in a relationship) and things were getting rather steamy. I commented to my boyfriend that I thought her behaviour was inappropriate and he made a comment that she was always like that.At the weekend there was a party, drinks flowed and we were all drunk. This lady's 20 year old son had been trying to chat me up. At first I was polite then I reminded him that my boyfriend was in the room. He announced quite loudly that my boyfriend was a w***** and a player and that this time last year he was using and abusing his Mum. My boyfriend couldn't deny this and went on to tell about the gory details. He said it was just sex and lasted a couple of weeks. He said he knew I would find out but he was too ashamed to tell me.I'm devestated. My knight in shining armour wasn't supposed to sleep around. She is horrible also and he is far too nice for her. I know it was just before I met him but I thought he had higher morals. I feel cheap and humiliated. Help!
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female
reader, I only want to be happy +, writes (16 August 2007):
I only want to be happy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Guys.All your responses have been great. It's so good to know there's support out there, no matter how big or trivial your problem maybe.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): I would be much more concerned over the fact that he disrespected another woman so much to use her like that. If he founds her so disgusting why didn't he leave her be? Maybe she did her part to gain a bad reputation, but using her because they don't respect her, can't make it easier for her to change and become a better, happier person. Be thankful to her you have her around so that you can feel superior and better about yourself. And get yourself a man who knows how to treat EVERYBODY with respect. It doesn't mean you have to accept or like what she is doing, but she is human too. Will he have any understanding for you if you would ever make a mistake, minor or major?
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A
female
reader, deja3575  +, writes (14 August 2007):
You are in a happy realtionship with a man who loves you and your children. So what if he had a fling with someone you don't approve of. That was before he met you. He was honest when you confronted him. That in and of itself is worth making your relationship work. Let's face it...honest men are few and far between. Appreciate his honesty...you don't want him to feel like he can't tell you the truth.
Take a little time to allow yourself to get over it, and enjoy the relationship you two have together. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Why do feel cheap and humiliated by something he did before he even met you? You shouldn't you know. Nobody should be put on a pedestal anyway, their feet of clay show. Now that you realize that everyone makes mistakes you can move on with your relationship on firm ground. Put this firmly behind you and enjoy your relationship. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Hi
Its horrible when someone isnt quite what you thought they were.
But i wouldnt be too hard on him. Hes probably ashamed if she is that bad to be honest! Thats why he didnt say anything. I personally think he should of done, the first time you came across her, but maybe he just wanted to forget about it. I dont know. Its a shame he didnt because now you are left wondering if you really know him, and possibly what else you dont know, and if he will find it easy to keep things from you in the future?
And dont go thinking he just goes with anything & its insulting to you! He is probably so chuffed hes got you now that once again, he would hate to admit being with someone like her!
And he didnt deny it when you asked him? Another good sign really.
I would do my best to get my head round it then move on from it to be honest.
My ex had spent 6 years with a right pikey type before me. Ok he wasnt fussy, but your guy only spent 2 weeks having a momentary lapse of judgement. So i bet he is!
All the best.
C xxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, lisa21 +, writes (14 August 2007):
there's no excuse to use a man or woman for sex, he has been honest which shows he probably has nothing to hide, he shouldn't have told you details as i know it hurts your feelings, however, he has not cheated on u and as horrible as it is to think of your other half with someone else, we all have a past, if you trust him don't let it get to you' if you can't then maybe he is not your knight in shining armour anymore? x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): He had sex with her, before he was involved with you. It has nothing to do with his relationship with you now, unless he is still having sex with her.
If you had never met her; you probably would not feel the way you do, so try not to think about it. If you are happy and want to stay happy, drop it. What happened is in the past and he can't change it. There is nothing he can do at this point to change it if he wanted to. It does not matter really if he was in love with her, or if it was just "sex", it still can't be changed.
As for sleeping around; what constitutes sleeping around? Did he tell you he had never been with anyone intimately before you?
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, slinky +, writes (14 August 2007):
The past is the past, he obviously is not proud of what happened and that's a good sign. Don't beat him up over what happened before he met you, love changes people like nothing else can and he has found that love with you...not her. It's a bad idea to go rummaging around in each other's past. I can't see the logic in throwing away a solid relationship over it. If it had happened while you were dating him that would be one thing, but let it go. Don't ruin a good thing by beating him up over his past, and don't let your abusive past make you think you don't deserve to be happy...be careful of unconsciously sabotaging the relationship. Your love saved him from that kind of life, and his love saved you from an abusive relationship. Get on your knees and be thankful that love found you both!
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