A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 29 and have strong feelings for my 33 year old girlfriends 17 year old daughter. I keep trying to forget about these feelings, but I can't! What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cdlove  +, writes (18 June 2010):
I believe that your feelings are totally natural. Most men are attracted to young women for a variety of reasons. Young women are more innocent, attractive, and interested in a good time for its own sake. Conversely, older men, who are more confident and financially independent than younger men, are often attractive to younger women. Women's optimum reproductive years end around age 40 while men can reproduce into their 60s or 70s. It's a natural pairing that, if not abused, can be mutually rewarding. The problem is most older men meet younger women in circumstances with high abuse potential: teacher-student, employer-employee, or--as in your case--boyfriend-girlfriend's daughter.My parents divorced when I was 16. A year later, my 42-year-old mom started dating "Brad," a 38-year-old man. He and my mother had a good relationship and I felt very comfortable around the two of them. They separated amicably after about six months. I started college in my hometown and answered an ad for part-time help at Brad's business, with my mother's approval. Brad was a wonderful employer, very patient and considerate. He regularly took his staff out to lunch. At Christmas, he threw a rather lavish office party. At the time, our state's legal drinking age was 18, so I had a couple of drinks. Brad gave me a ride home and the two of us wound up at his place. He and I were both dating other people, so we kept our tryst a secret. But we both really enjoyed it and continued to meet for the next two years, as time permitted. Our relationship ended amicably when I transferred to another school. No one ever found out, though I eventually told my mother, who understood my feelings and my actions completely. My advice to the writer is to wait until your girlfriend's daughter is 18--which by now, she is. Admit to yourself that your interest in the daughter is probably fleeting. Tell your girlfriend that you want to date other women. After a few months, call the daughter and see what happens. Whether or not your advances are successful, the women in question will get over it--that's the way we are.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): Keep away from her! I feel sory for the daughter...If she's a decent person she won't go anywhere near you and tell her mother if you tried anything with her.
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506 +, writes (9 September 2007):
Just forget about it. It may be hard but do you really want to hurt a relationship as close as mother and daughter?
Spend time with your partner to take your mind of things. These feelings will pass
Best of luck
x
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (9 September 2007):
 If you were happy with your GF this wouldnt be an issue. Her daughter is just the target for your wandering eye. Frankly I think you need to get out my friend.
If there ever was a problem between you and the daughter the wrath of her mother could cause damage you cant even imagine. For your own benifit and theyres, get out and date younger women if you feel thats what your missing. Avoid causing harm to others because you have chosen to maintain a relationship you are not satisfied in. Its just selfish dude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): The fact you are having strong feelings towards someone else irrespective of who shows there are problems in your feelings towards your partner. You could address these feelings and perhaps those towards the daughter will go away. Perhaps it would be easier to walk away from the whole situation. Whatever you do, don't act on your feelings - you will hurt two people and destroy a family.
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A
female
reader, Jualsy  +, writes (9 September 2007):
 You say you keep trying to forget about your feelings, but you can't.....who else can do that for you then???? You are in control and you are where you are today becasue of the way ypou think.Start thinking differently and you will FEEL differently. No one else can do it for you. Its not a tender trap....you are in control and that's life!!
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (9 September 2007):
 I agree with Kenny below. If you can't stop your feelings then you should go.I am not against age gaps - it's the 'family' relationship that's the problem. You are effectively the stepdad. YOU have to do the thinking here though - not rely on other peoples advice.1) Where do you think this relationship will lead?2) Imagine the day that your girlfiend discovers the truth. What will be said? How will the daughter react? 3) When it all erupts , will you force the daughter to choose between her Mum - or You?? Write down now in advance what you intend to say to the daughter when you have got her into a nightmare dilemma.4) The day after how do you explain it to friends and family. What will you say?5) How many people will think that you have been having relations with her before she was 16yrs? (You will have the opportunity to explain it at a Police station. Your girlfrnd will interviewed. The daughter will be interviewed)5) You are likely to pick up a 'paedophile' tag (even though technically incorrect).6) What will you be doing to the mother /daughter realtionship? (for the rest of their lives)If you truely care for both these people, then you will do whatever it takes to banish the feelings for the daughter. If you let this develope then you care for no one - but yourself.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (9 September 2007):
 If you want to keep your girlfriend i would abolish these feelings you are having for the 17 year old. If she finds out you are carrying strong feelings for her own daughter the likellhood is you will be out the door.
If as you say you can't forget these feelings then maybe you should walk away from the whole thing altogether.
k
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