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I'm crushing on an older female doctor. How do I ask her out?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2017)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have a huge crush on a medical professional. I want to be as vague as I can be so bare with me.

TL;DR I have a crush on my female doctor who's twice my age. How do I ask her out? Should I even do it?

She's easily double my age... she's super well established and I find her ridiculously beautiful. She gets hit on all the time and hearing the stories makes me jealous... I identify as straight but I can appreciate female beauty and I have no problem talking about the women I find attractive. I guess I'm somewhere on the spectrum, although I've never been with a woman sexually or romantically.

She's a doctor, yes, but not the kind that can prescribe things. Not the type of doctor you go see when you actually need any serious life or death treatment. It's more cosmetic...Could be life changing for some I guess. Essentially she could date her patients without legal consequences (I've looked up the ethic thing in our province for her discipline/profession)

We flirt? I think?... she teases me and I can't get enough. She's very warm, sweet, and funny. She makes me laugh! She's serious, calm and always in control. Her humour is deadpan and could rub people the wrong way but I love it. When I enter the area I look for her with my eyes and I notice she does the same thing...I don't think she does that with others. She touches me often, last time it felt like more of a caress.

I have a friend who was her patient a couple years ago. Every time I tell her about my appointment she's always shocked "She was never that nice to me" or "Really? She was always in a bitchy mood when I was there". My Doctor has a bit of a reputation for being a hardass but thats not the side she shows me. We lock eyes every now and again and I'm always the one to break contact first. The last time it happened I almost started bitting my lip. How embarrassing!

She's currently the star of my fantasies and I want to ask her out. I know she's knows I'm crushing on her. I'm pretty sure everyone working there knows... they're probably confused af lol...I know I am. I want to ask her out but I don't know how... how do guys do it?! What should I say?! How should I go about it and realistically what are my chances?

View related questions: crush, flirt, jealous

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (22 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIt sounds like you are in awe off this woman and completely in lust. If you are prepared to find another cosmetic doctor then ask her surely, at least you will be put out off your misery by wondering what if all the time.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (17 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntWhat do you want from a woman twice your age? You'd have very little in common and aren't at the same stages in life. A relationship would be almost impossible to maintain successfully.

There are certain people you don't ask out: your professor, your student, your dentist, the policeman who arrested you and, you guessed it - your doctor.

Maybe she likes the vibe you bring or the attention you give her, but it's highly unlikely to be anything more than that and it would be unwise to act on your crush. You don't know her and doctors shouldn't risk their careers by dating patients.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

Do it. And be prepared to find yourself a brand, new doctor. Because this isn't going to end well.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (16 February 2017):

The problem with crushes is that they are based too much on fantasy and wishful thinking. You are uncertain of your own sexual-orientation, and even less certain of that of the doctor's.

You can divulge that the doctor is a cosmetic surgeon, if you go so far as defining what one is. There isn't enough detail to giveaway anyone's identity, and it would truly make more sense. Posts have to clear through a moderation process before being publicized; which protects you and the identity of any individual or people you are referencing. Everyone remains anonymous; unless you include a selfie which may giveaway your own identity. You could be anyone out of millions. No one knows unless you share your post with people you know.

I think it would be a grave mistake asking someone of the same-sex out on a date when you haven't come to terms with your own sexual-orientation; and having no clue what theirs is.

If you'd like to pursue the possibility of friendship and get to know her on a personal-level, that would be up to the doctor.

You cannot judge whether a person is attracted to you based on the fact they are polite to you. You give no specific and distinct details about her behavior that even confirms she is romantically or physically-attracted to you. Unless you are also being very vague there too. To allege that she has made passes at you would be unethical and would compromise her license to practice. So be more careful about stating your suspicions to people who know her. Now that's when you should be careful.

Your friend's assessment of the doctor's behavior with you is inconclusive; and that is where you should have been careful. That's how rumors and gossip gets started.

Until you know why or if you are sexually-attracted to women or your female-doctor; or what you plan to do if she accepts your invitation on a date? I do not think you should just jump to the conclusion she is gay or bi-sexual; nor do you have any right to presume so. You don't even identify as a gay woman or lesbian yourself.

I think you have to workout your struggle with your own sexual-orientation before presuming that of others. I don't think you should be asking people out for dates based on suspicions of what their sexual-orientation might be; when you don't really identify as gay or bisexual yourself.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (16 February 2017):

It may be legal in Canada (I don't know) but it wold seem that she could get in very hot water with her medical boards. I don't think any doctor in their right mind would have a relationship with his or her patient, especially a same-sex relationship as that would be great fodder for the local press.

Google "doctor patient romantic relationships canada" and you'll find over 8 million links. So educate yourself on all the consequences your doctor could suffer before trying anything.

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