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A straight friend wants to have sex with me. Should I?

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 February 2017) 12 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, *ennterror writes:

Hi.i have a friend who i would like to have sex with.he is straight i am gay. What should i do?ahead thanks.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (22 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntWell it is like a girl saying she wants to have sex with you, what do you think she should do about it?

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A female reader, LoveForeverxoxo United States +, writes (21 February 2017):

Op do what you think is best, if he's straight and not giving off any sighns then the best thing would be to just remain friends and don't hurt that friendship but don't feel like being gay is a awful thing and all Straight males are gunna run from you.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (21 February 2017):

N91 agony auntLoveforever,

Please enlighten us to where the OP describes anything you mentioned.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (21 February 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Hopefully we aren't ignorant of the meaning and common usage of words in English, though.

??? " To feel a connection " means to feel that you have a particular bond with a person, that you can easily relate to their feelings / opinions / experiences.

Connection , when applied to human interactions, means :" a logical or natural association based on attachment, affinity, alliance or kinship ".

Never in his post the OP mentions anything similar.

He just says that he, gay, wants to have sex with a straight guy. Tf we assume that what he feels is simply sexual attraction, lust- it is an assumption , but a quite reasonable one.

Trying to act upon a sexual attraction that is, officially and declaredly, unilateral, only on the gay guy's side, would be, at best, indelicate and at worst invasive and disrespectful , and anyway most probably a futile , awkward waste of time. And this of course , also without jumping on the straight friend or tryng to force him in any way.

Same as inviting a vegan to share your Porterhouse steak, or a PETA activist to a fur coats fashion show. No, of course you won't be force feeding the vegan, or forcing the PETA guy to buy fur . Nevertheless- if you don't even ask them to begin with, it is more sensible, more elegant, and shows more respect for their preferences and life choices.

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A female reader, LoveForeverxoxo United States +, writes (21 February 2017):

honestly all of you trying to "give advice" are being ignorant. He did not say he wouldn't respect him or jump on him. he feels he has a connection with someone who is straight. that is completely normal and actually is very common.

And for you whos asking the question, you need to be careful. even though he's your friend he still is expecting you to respect that he is straight and your only friends. is sex with him possibility worth losing his friendship? not saying it would buy anything is a possibility. you should stay friends and if one day he's open to it he would give you sighns. have sex when you truly love someone and they feel the same about you, sex should be a special thing.

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A male reader, 2Honest8Guy1 United States +, writes (16 February 2017):

He's more than likely just curious. I'm 25 with a GF of almost a decade and the thought of being intimate with another man has crossed my mind plenty of times. It could be just a phase or he could go through with it. Only time will tell really.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (16 February 2017):

N91 agony auntAnd how do you plan on going about that? That would be like asking a vegan to eat a burger. Not going to happen is it?

Has this guy given you ANY indications that he may be interested in sex with you or have you just made this decision?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (16 February 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntThe title is misleading and incorrect, so you are just interested in him.

First of all, he's straight, so you leave him alone.

Secondly, if you want to keep him as a friend, cut the sexual feelings off.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (16 February 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt What shoud you do is to forget about it and leave him alone. If he is straight, .. he is not gay ( duh ) so he is not interested in having gay sex. .

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (16 February 2017):

What are you planning on doing? Jumping on him and forcing yourself on him? I assume not. Or at least I HOPE not.

If he is straight, the thought of having sex with you will probably horrify him. What if a female friend of yours came along and said "I want to have sex with you"? How would YOU feel?

You cannot go around just picking someone you fancy and deciding you are going to have sex with them, regardless of their wishes. Find yourself someone who is gay like you, who you form a bond with and who wants to have sex with you too.

It is possible (I suppose - you give so little information) that the "straight" friend has expressed interest in having sex with you. Let me tell you what is likely to happen if this is the case. He is unsure of his own sexuality so he is using you to see if he can decide. Once he has tried sex with you, he will probably decide he is straight and you will be left feeling used. If this is the scenario, DON'T do it!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (16 February 2017):

I will attribute your naivete to your youth and inexperience.

If your friend is a straight-male, what makes you think he wants to have sex with another man? I think the title was a little misleading by the moderator. You don't indicate in your post that the straight-friend wants to have sex with you, only that you want to have sex with your friend.

Now if your friend is gay-curious or bi; and has suggested outright, without a doubt, that he wants to have sex with you. Then you should consider how that will affect your friendship.

If you have any romantic-feelings for your friend, but he just wants a bj or a one-time experimental-session with you. I suggest you make sure how you will feel if that is the one and only time he will ever want to do it.

If a person is straight, you cannot change their sexual-orientation; no more than anyone can change yours.

I also suggest that you do not do it under the influence of drugs or alcohol; which means he would be under impairment, and could change his mind whether the sex was consensual. He had better be of the legal-consenting age to have sex with you; if he truly wants to go through with it.

Having sex with straight-people usually has a very bad outcome. Friendships are destroyed, or he may become traumatized after having second-thoughts about what he did.

Make absolutely certain that he really wants to do it, and prepare your mind not to get attached to him romantically based on sex. He will disappoint you, and your relationship will become strained and awkward. Allow him the option to back-out at the last minute; and be willing to forget about it, if he so chooses to let the friendship to remain as it is.

What you are proposing is risky on all counts. I just hope your friendship survives intact; if you both mutually agree to go through with it.

He is either gay or bisexual, if it was his idea; and he may want you to help him come out of the closet. Be that the case, he may only want to use you as a vehicle. He may not want to be your boyfriend. Guys fresh out of the closet are heart-breakers. They want to experiment with others before they commit to anyone, and usually have a lot of self-doubt about their sexual-orientation. Protect your heart.

If this is solely your idea? Forget about it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

Respect his wishes? Seems simple enough. Unless you have an insecurity issue so large you can't cope with a basic and polite no?

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